OT: Terrible news

[claire43]

Earlier today I found out that my beautiful, intelligent, wonderful sister has got 12 months left to live. We knew she had a brain tumour and that it was serious but after undergoing radiotherapy and several months of chemo we were hoping for at least another 5 years or more. Shes due to start another round of chemo tomorrow cos without that the drs have said she wouldnt even live for 12 months. Shes so strong while I was sobbing like a child. On monday I made the 6 hour round trip up to see her by train and although I was a bit shocked at how the cancer has affected her I still had some hope that when she had the results of her last scan today that there would be something they could do. At the moment Im clutching at straws and would like her to try to find some specialist dr in the USA who might be willing to offer her alternative treatment but realistically shes being treated at Christies cancer hospital in the uk which is one of the best there is in this country. Its down to me to be strong for my elderly parents, both of whom are in their mid 70's and of course for my sister but I really dont know if I can handle it especially if todays reaction is anything to go by. I feel so overwhelmed by sadness I cant really believe its happening. Why does life have to be so cruel. She'd worked so hard all her life to achieve her dream of becoming a headteacher and had only officially got the job a few weeks before being diagnosed less that a year ago. Now she has lost all sensation in her right arm and leg, her memory is terrible and often she cant say words she wants to and gets so frustrated. I don't understand why God needs to take someone so full of life who gives so much back to society and has really made a difference to so many people.

[rachel1989]

I am so sorry for your sister. Our closest family friends...one of the boys who was 19 passed away last week from a brain tumour. I know it's going to be hard for you and you are concerned at the way you reacted over just finding out.This is initial shock and what you now need to do is chanel all your energies into being the most kindest, wonderful, loving sister you can be (I'm sure you already are ) It's going to be a tough time, to say the least but you know your time is precious and you can use that to make the last of your sisters life the most loving, caring and comfortable. We did that with Liam and in an odd sense, we are glad he is at peace and free from Cancer. I don't understand anything anymore about God or life or anything. I was extremely close to my Gran, she worked so hard, didn't do anything wrong and I was closer to her than my mum and she was taken from me suddendly when she was only 60. My best friend also died of an asthma attack. I just don't understand this life.I am so sorry you are going though this, don't worry about your reaction today , you are going to handle it fine and you will be a wonderful sister and support for your parents, I'm so sorry ur going through this,it's awful xx

[claire43]

Thanks so much rachel, I know theres nothing anyone can say to make this better and I just have to get through it the best I can. The trouble is my sister lives over 200 miles from me and its totally unrealistic that I can spend as much time with her as Id like.

[andee]

SOOO Sorry to hear that Claire...I know I can't say enough to comfort you, but know that I am thinking of you and will be praying for your sister and family. HUG to you...

[rachel1989]

Aw no Still, even though you are 200 miles away...just keep the time u do spend with her even more special and precious. You should make like a diary/scrapb book/video diary thing of the two of you together...e.g Day 1: talk about ur childhood together, who was the first sister to kiss a boy etc? Day 2: The best day of your life, what was ur highs? graduating from school?or passing that really hard exam.... so when she is gone you (and ur family) can watch it or read it (Depending on what you do) on occasions that you are down or on her birthday etc. that would be exciting and fun to work on and it might make her feel better about the situation as well.Just remember if you need support,we will all be here for u on IES xx

[wargerbil]

I'm so sorry. Doctors don't know everything either! It's very possible she could od better than expected. I wouldn't give up hope.

[claire43]

Thanks everyone. Im gonna try to sleep for a bit soon. Ive taken a couple of sedatives just to try and block it out so hopefully I'll get a few hours peace before I have to wake up to reality! Ive booked the day off work tomorrow cos I knew I wouldnt be able to handle talking to people without crying. Then Im just going to try and be strong for everyone and make things as easy for them as possible. My sister is being so strong and still fighting it so the least I can to for her is try to be as brave as she is.

[KaydeeJayde]

I am so sorry for your sister, your family, and you. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but I know there's nothing. She and your family will be in my prayers <3

[hadenough]

Oh Claire im so sorry

If you wanted i can get some numbers of neurosurgeons over in the US for you, most neuro's will review scans and offer their opinion as to wether they can do any different then what has been offered.

It will be very hard for you and your whole family it is a terrible thing to have to go through and also see someone you love go through. But you will somehow find the strenght and courage to do it yes you will break down and have your cant do it moments but you will get there sadly.

My son has an inoperable tumour so while i dont have a time limit as such we just wait and dread the yearly scans to keep an eye on it he is due for one soon and after losing our daughter to neurological problems last year we are a wreck. So fell free to pm me if you want

Kerry

[olschesky]

so sorry to hear about your sister.......make the best of this time you have left with her. i'm glad that kerry responded to you........she can probably help you more than any of us......she is one strong woman.

i will keep all of you in my prayers....

[Elski]

So sorry to hear that xx

[claire43]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and thoughts. Kerry Im so sorry youve had so much tragedy in your life and perhaps I need to take inspiration from your strength. Ive looked up the best US hospitals and it seems that Johns Hopkins seems to have the best results in my sisters kind of cancer. There is even a fax number for her to fax over her scans which Im really really hoping she will do. I think shes just trying to come to terms with the inevitability of it all but I would like to have a different opinion from another expert even though shes being seen by some of the best neurosurgeons in the UK. If theres even a glimmer of hope I would like her to try. Obviously its her decision at the end of the day so I dont want to be too pushy when its such a personal choice. Im also worried about my parents, they are both in their 70's and my mother especially is taking it badly. She wont talk about it, hasnt cried yet and says she just feels numb. I know she is trying to be strong for my sister and shes travelling back up to stay with her for a while next tuesday after only returning home yesterday. She says too afraid to cry cos she doesnt think she'll be able to stop. I went back into work today but everything seems to be in a haze. Im trying to get on with my everyday life but it just feels like Im going through the motions. Every few minutes I jolt back to reality and I just want to cry, the tears well up in my eyes but then I force myself to stop cos crying doesnt make it better it just upsets everyone else. Yesterday I was strong all day, then I got in the shower and was overwhelmed and started to cry - I just stood there with the water pouring over me sobbing!!

[cinque]

I'm so sorry to hear this Claire xxx I know you know this already but you don't have to be strong, you can cry as much as you like, and that doesn't make you any less strong, either. We're all here for you xxx

[chocolategirl]

I am so sorry!! I'll pray for both of you
>Hugs<

[grrlga]

I am so sorry, im praying for you! I know there's nothing anyone can say to take the pain away, but just know she will always be with you, even if its not here with the rest of us, we always pray for healing, and i believe we get that, sometimes its just in Jesus arms. Just keep your Faith, Jesus is the best Phyiscian..and only he can say when its time to go home.

[CherBirdie]

I am so sorry! You're both in my prayers.

[idontfeelreal]

I am so so sorry for what your sister and your family are going through. Just stay strong and don't give up hope, as hard as I imagine that must be for anyone. I'll keep both you and her in my thoughts.

[claire43]

Once again Id like to thank all of you for your kind words. Im going to go back up to see my sister in a couple of weeks. I feel kinda guilty cos these last 36 hours Ive almost managed to put it to the back of my mind. Obviously its there in my thoughts but Ive found I can go a couple of hours without really giving in to the sadness and wanting to cry. I spoke to my sister yesterday by phone and she seems to have accepted it and was just acting like it wasnt happening even though we did talk about it briefly. My mother is totally blanking it out and when I brought it up she just said she couldnt and wouldnt talk about it cos she knew she'd break down completely and at the moment she needs to be strong for my sisters sake. Is it normal to pretend its not real or is living in this kind of denial more harmful in the long run?