Hello all. Let me just start off by saying that I'm glad I found this site. Somehow it makes me feel slightly better knowing I'm not alone in this hard battle.
I can't remember when my emetophobia started. Actually as a kid I was facinated wit v* as gross as that sounds (I don't believe it, but my grandmother assures me) then I just woke up one day and was terrified of even a small stomach ache. I got s* last year or a little before that, only v* once and slept for an entire day. I'm sure it was food poisoning and it wasn't even the v* that scared me, it was the struggle the entire night to keep myself from doing it until I guess my body just gave in. Ever since then, I've been so scared it's unreal.
I'm sorry if this is too much information, but I have nothing to hide.
I have an irregular period, but it looks to be getting on track these past few months but everytime it starts, the week before I get the worse cramps ever. Nothing helps, it feels like I'm going to be s* constantly. I can't eat, leave my room, I just sit and cry on my bed, wishing sometimes that I could just literally die instead of having to be scared all the time.
If someone tells me that they even feel the slightest bit s*, I run away. I can't handle thinking about someone v* and me being there. I want children in the future but I'm afraid I won't be able to handle being pregnant, and what would I do if one of them got s*? I would feel absolutely horrible for not being able to be there for them. Just thinking about that now makes my eyes start to water.
I'm from a really small town, population of maybe 2000 and that's counting the people that are usually away and on the lake all the time. I've been to emergency rooms and doctors office but they all seem to think it's in my head. I'm aware that it is, like any phobia, but I feel so isolated and alone that it doesn't help the depression that I've had since I was 12 years old. (I'm 21 now). None of my family understands. They all make fun of me for it. Even friends do the same thing. My boyfriend is going to move here in the next few months and that feeds my anxiety even more seeing as how it's impossible for me to get a job with the fears that I have. Being around too many people makes me have an anxiety fit and we all know that leads to being n*.
Sorry for all of the grammar errors by the way. It's currently almost four in the morning and I have yet to sleep.