Firstly, I can't believe this forum exists, but I am so happy that it does!!

I am absolutely terrified of vomiting - and have been for as long as I can remember. I don't try new restaurants, find it difficult to eat at someone's house, am always on the look out for signs of illness in those around me, detest using the toilets at work as there are only 4 cubicles for over 100 people and feel in general such a high level of anxiety constantly.

But my phobia really causes issues when someone I love gets sick. My 8 year old son was sick last night. It was horrific. Last week he had whooping cough and I was fine, sleeping in bed with him, cuddling and kissing him and generally be the mother he needed the whole time. However last night he was really ill, and I went into full melt down mode. I stayed outside and was crying hysterically, I could see germs everywhere and felt like the walls were closing in on me. I wanted to run away and was very very suicidal and completely guilty that I couldn't be the mother that I should have been to him.

My husband was furious with me, thinking I was being melodramatic and selfish. In the end, my ex husband came and got my son and took him to stay with my mum. In the meantime, my son had vomited on the floor, which I cleaned up but was ok. I then spent literally hours bleaching everything, washing the dishes in bleach and washing clothes 3 or 4 times. What a mess.

Anyway just needed to get it out there. Can't believe that this thing prevents me from caring for my boy, and is affecting my relationships, but even today I don't feel clean. This morning I bought 3 different types of bleaches. My lungs, eyes and hands are killing me. I have thrown out our toothbrushes, any food that was around at the time. I'm even scared to go near the outside bin where I threw out the papertowel and glvoes etc used in the cleanup. I am now on the countdown - just over 24 hours to go and hopefully I'll be in the clear.

thanks for listening
Amanda