I realised my odd behaviour had a name a number of years ago now ( I used to think I was the only one) and after getting to the lowest of the low (long story) I was forced to see my doctor and took antiDs and was sent to CBT. This helped a lot, but my CBT was cut short when my psychologist was laid off, and I wasn't at the top of the list any more, being semi-fixed....
I eventually came off the AntiDs, and moved on in life. The emetophobia never went away, but was manageable.

My new husband initially was supportive, but I think he tired of my issues. I have 3 children, and at my worst almost lost my eldest. I put on a brave face for them, but fair play they are usually good and take care of themselves, the older 2, aged 8 and 5.

My youngest, 18mths, got sick yesterday for the first time. She was fine 5mins later, I'm still not. Shes not sleeping, and I've spent the last couple of hours trying to settle her, but the whole time thinking, she's gonna be ill on me... its infectious, we will all get it.... I have this feeling of dread, and sickness through probably panicking. I feel heavy weights on my shoulders and chest. I think about suicide occasioanlly, to escape, have gone as far as driving to a bridge in the middle of the night, but the thought of my kids brought me home.

Ever since my youngest was born I worry daily that she's going to die, every day I wake up with a horrible feeling in my stomach if she's not up and shouting before me. I will lay there panicking, too scared to look. If hubby goes first I wait anxiously for him to tell me alls ok, but im expecting the opposite.

I'm not sure if what I've got now is just emetophobia, or some other anxiety problem. I feel dread a lot, for no reason most the time. I panic a lot. I worry about tons of stuff.
I'm fearful of approaching doctors, more for the fact my husband will not be understanding. I can't face the route of AntiDs again, they knocked me for 6 to start with, and again hubby wouldnt approve.
I want to be a better mum to my youngest. I am not close to my eldest because of my problems. We get along, we get by, but I don't feel she is my daughter. I would hate for this to happen again.
Please offer me some help/advice.