Hi everyone!

What a great site this is!

I'm wondering if anyone can give me some advice or point me in the right direction to info on this forum. I'm aware of cognitive behaviour therapy for emetophobia because i had it in the past and it was brilliant - but it was also 22 years ago.

Since then i witnessed someone die in front of me and although their death had nothing to do with being sick it has brought back loads of old fears about being sick.....because what i saw happen to them was what i always feared with being sick. Now i've been told by a nurse that being sick is usually not dangerous and usually not associated with anything too serious - but in my mind, when i feel sick and am in that state I am convinced i am going to die. I live alone and know that if i do, like this person i saw....then no one will know, no one will help me....not that it matters because even if anyone was around i'd still be terrifed.

I've got a challenge coming up - i have to go away for a week with my work and stay in a hotel - i am the only person going there are no colleagues going with me. I'm not afraid of being alone during the day as i will be with other people from the company, but it will be at night alone in the hotel i'll be scared.....actually even the thought of being ill during the day is scary because although there will be people around, i will have to be alone in the toilets and no one might notice that i've gone and ......well the fear is that if i were dying no one would no until someone discovered me in there.

I have to stress this is a fear of being sick first and then dying. i've had the fear since childhood and like i say i got over it about 90% and it should have continued....but then it got compounded by recent events.

I know that 'safety behaviours' don't help but here's the list of stuff i'm doing before i go away (by the way i'm only going 60 miles down the road! lol!):

I've cleaned my computer and mouse, etc, with antiseptic wipes in case it was harboring any germs that could make me ill once i'm away

I've bought cranberry jiuce and intend to drink a glass a day as this is supposed to prevent stomach bugs

I've got hand santiser and anti emetics with me, etc.

I know i have to face this....but i'm so afraid of travelling and being ill away from home....and even if it's just a stomach bug, i'm scared of having to travel back on a train by myself, etc....so i cannot face anything before i go,.....just going will be facing things, if that makes sense.

Would really appreciate any help, advice, support.....i really want to do this and not back out. Thanks! :-)