Wish I Had a Loving Mother

[CuteCandy]

I've said before that my relationship with my mom is horrible. She's extremely selfish and is completely apathetic about my fear. Today, she did something to make it worse and had no qualms whatsoever about it.

I still had a cup sitting around from when I had the stomach bug. It was the cup I used to drink Gatorade, and there was still a little liquid in it. I hadn't bothered it because I was worried the germs could still be in or on the cup, even though it's been nearly 5 months since I was sick. (I've read that noroviruses can live on surfaces for several months.)

Today, Mom decided to get rid of the cup. What's wrong that? On the surface, nothing. But that was the greatest source of stress for me. She says she used gloves, didn't touch the cup, washed her hands, etc. I don't believe she did enough. I've seen her "wash" her hands. She doesn't scrub nearly long enough for it to be sufficient. Now she could get the bug again or have spread it around to anything she touched, which means any of us could get it.

I confronted her about it later on. And yes, I was very upset. But she couldn't have been more uncaring. She told me to go stay in a hotel if I was so worried about being in the house. Something else she's said to me recently? If I were to die of malnutrition because of restricting my diet, she'd be mad at me.

This is the kind of stress I deal with every day, and it doesn't help my condition or my mental health in general.

[Harlequin]

I think the virus can live on surfaces for a couple of weeks; but there's no way it'd be around after five months. Don't worry about it.

[cinque]

Like Harlequin said, the viral particles can survive outside a host (person) for a couple of weeks, but no longer. Five months on, that wouldn't be an issue so you mustn't waste your time worrying about this.

http://www.emetophobia.org/showthread.php?t=22065 this is a link to information about norovirus. Whilst it's not a good idea to research and obsess, I feel it is a good idea to be informed. It is written in a way that should not trigger anxiety.

How does your mother wash her hands? 20 seconds covering all surfaces of the hands, using plain soap (does not need to be antibacterial; probably better not to be, I don't like it) and water is enough. Might not sound like long but it's long enough.

When you say 'get rid of the cup' - did your mother throw it away? Was it a disposable cup or a ceramic/glass cup? Did she really use gloves? Is your relationship with your mother not great? How old are you if that's not a rude question? Sounds like communication between you could perhaps improve.

[olschesky]

sounds like mom is just really frustrated about the emet and not being able to help you get over it. i'm sure it all seems silly to her......it's just way too hard for someone who doesnt have a phobia to understand just how terrifying it can be to us.....

i'm sure the cup was free of noro after five months......try and realize that she just doesnt understand how you're feeling sometimes......

[CuteCandy]

How does your mother wash her hands? 20 seconds covering all surfaces of the hands, using plain soap (does not need to be antibacterial; probably better not to be, I don't like it) and water is enough. Might not sound like long but it's long enough.

She only scrubs for about 4 or 5 secs. Then she goes and eat chips or gets on the computer or talks on the phone (a lot). There are a million ways she could have infected herself or contaminated something. I was too afraid to touch almost anything yesterday, and I still am.

When you say 'get rid of the cup' - did your mother throw it away? Was it a disposable cup or a ceramic/glass cup? Did she really use gloves?

It was a tumbler, but she still threw it away. She decided she didn't want to deal with me worrying about reusing it. I was at work when she did this, so I don't know for sure if she used gloves. But she said she did.

Is your relationship with your mother not great? How old are you if that's not a rude question? Sounds like communication between you could perhaps improve.

I'm in my early 20's. My relationship with my mom is terrible. She's very demanding and controlling. She wants our love and respect but feels she can treat us however she wants, and we can't say anything about it. (I have siblings.) I know it's because her mother treated her like that, but if she thought it was so wrong, you'd think she'd make an effort not to do the same to her children.

I don't feel like I can talk to her about anything. She's extremely judgmental and likes to lay into us when we make mistakes. And we're not the type of children who go wild and drink and party or anything like that. Our mistakes are usually minor, like missing the bus to get to work. But even that is like a capital offense in this house.

I know I need to move out, but at the moment I have a lot of school-related debt, so I can't afford it. I'm trying to become self-employed and make better money (I can with the job I want to have).

[wargerbil]

This cup wasn't washed for five months?! Either way, I think she was actually being kind of reasonable if the presence of the cup in the house would freak you out. But really, you can't have put on gloves and gotten rid of everything you touched while you were sick. Don't you still have your bed? Your sheets? Your pillows? Getting angry at her for things like having thrown a cup away isn't going to help your relationship at all. Granted I'm sure she needs to work on things too, but I could see myself getting pretty fed up if someone went postal on me for throwing a cup away without putting on a hazmat suit.

It sounds like she's worried about you too and it isn't coming out right. When I lived at home in my early 20's, my mom made me nuts too (and my dad for that matter). The best thing to do was just stay out of the house as much as possible and lay low when I was home.

[KaydeeJayde]

I agree with Wargerbil and Courage2Change, I think she was completely reasonable to move the cup after 5 months, especially. I'm sure she's not going to get the stomach virus you had because she touched the cup, and I doubt it lives on surfaces for five months.

I don't wash my hands as well as most of the people on here think is necessary. I sometimes use soap, when it's easily acessible, and I lather the soap for maybe 5 seconds, then wash it off. Sometimes the water is hot, sometimes it's ice cold, and I haven't had a stomach virus ever, I don't think. My point is, this doesn't mean she's going to get sick, honestly.

I really think she's just being reasonable and responsible.

[emmalinda]

she sounds like my mum. i never really got along with her as well and i hate being close to her. But she probably is really frustrated because this emet thing can make the people who live with us very annoyed. we're so hygenic and its hard for them to understand. shes not gonna get sick from touching that cup. how did it not get washed up or thrown out after 5 months? my mum would do the same thing with that cup

[canadianreject]

Zero risk in this situation.

I don't think she did it to piss you off, or upset you. She probably just wanted to get rid of a cup that's been lying around for five months .. She's rightfully frustrated. We are the ones with the problem, other people who rationalize vomit don't have to live their life around our concerns.

[CuteCandy]

Hey, everyone! Just an update. It's been about five days now, and no one's gotten sick again. I'm not completely calm yet, but I'm starting to feel safer. Thanks for letting me talk it out with you! It helps.