my first ever post (and experiences)
Hi everyone,
I'm Hayley and this is my very first post. I joined this website because I obviously have the same fear as all of you, and would like to talk about it.
Just a quick question before I start - I have read a few posts already and noticed people saying V* instead of using the actual word. Are we supposed to do that or is it ok to write the word? For this post I might just abbreviate it like that anyway until I learn the rules a bit better!
Anyway, reading through some of your posts, it seems like my phobia is a little different to many of yours. I have no problem reading about it graphically, no problem reading or writing the actual word of it, and while a find it gross, I'm not actually freaked out by seeing a pile of v* on the ground or whatever.
HOWEVER! I am absoultely terrified of seeing or hearing another person v*. I will not go out with my friends at night because I know it's common for that to happen on nights out at my age (24). It was my friend's 22nd birthday yesterday, and I made an excuse not to go because I was terrified I might witness someone v*. Not really normal behaviour! Ditching your friends because of a fear just sounds stupid to me, but I can't help it. This has got worse over time. I don't know when my phobia actually started, but I have definately had it for a few years. The difference is, 3 years ago I would go out to a club or whatever. I would try to avoid the toilets and stuff, but it wouldn't stop me from going out. Now, nothing can convince me to go out! I just feel like such a sad case! It's ridiculous!
I am also a little scared of v*ing myself but I'm more scared of others doing it. I don't really avoid eating certain things and eating out and stuff. My food habits are pretty normal I think. I certainly hate v*ing, and don't want to, but if it happens it happens. It rarely does anyway.
WARNING FOR THOSE WHO DON'T LIKE READING ABOUT PEOPLE V*ING - don't read this paragraph.
The last time I did it was several months ago. I had been feeling queasy that morning but decided to go to the gym anyway. I was working out and just felt horrible, so I stopped early and went to sit in the change rooms until I felt better. I could feel it coming on but was trying to will the feeling away. Well, it didn't work. I had to run to the toilet and only just made it. There was quite a lot of it. Thankfully all I had eaten that day was a protein shake in the morning before the gym, so it was just liquid. It wasn't enjoyable at all, but it wasn't the worst. It came up pretty easy with minimum noise, effort, and smell. And I felt SO much better after it. I definately hate it, but I'm not terrified of it like I am with other people doing it.
SAFE TO READ FROM HERE.....
So anyway, just wanted to introduce myself and tell you a little about why I am here and what my phobia is like for me in my life. As I said, there are some things to do with v* that I am not too bothered about, and some things that I am absolutely terrified of. I know I won't have a normal social life until I kick this fear.
Looking forward to being more active on these forums and being able to talk to people who actually understand what I feel like and won't just laugh at me!
(Hope I posted my introduction in the right place, sorry if not!)
Hayleyxx
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