Emetophobia has stopped me seeing BF

[struggles]

I have a wonderful boyfriend who I've been with for 5 years.
About 3 years into our relationship we broke up, after that my emetophobia spiralled out of control- it was always in the background but it was so mild i didn't even realise I had it.
We got back together 3 months after our split, and ever since I have barely gone on any dates with him.

I have so much anxiety around the ide aof doing an activity I haven't done in a long time- eating out is something I don't think I'll be able to manage in a long time. Seeing my BF suddenly became extremely scary. I just hate having to see him, I worry about it and then make excuses and cancel on him. This has been ongoing for about 2 years and I have only seen him about 5 times in 2years when we live really close by.

This is really hurting him and I just don't know how to make things better. I had CBT which helped me in other areas of my life but not in my relationship. I don't know how to fix this or make him feel better. What shall I do?

[KaydeeJayde]

Sorry this thread has gone unnoticed for so long, this sounds like it's really tough on your relationship.

What makes you so afraid of seeing your boyfriend? Do you have trouble seeing your friends and family? Try to isolate what it is that makes you so afraid of situations with your boyfriend. Do you think it would be different with another guy, or the same deal? If you think it might be different with another guy, it might be worth considering taking a break with your boyfriend and working on fixing things with your emet and anxiety. Though sometimes that doesn't end up helping a lot, I'm just throwing out some ideas.

I hope you find some way to make things a little better with him, it sounds really hard for the both of you.

[struggles]

Thanks for your reply, I thought I wrote something wrong because no one else has responded and that was my first ever post. I actually managed to see him this Monday! I was terrified because I think more than any one I don't want to be sick in front of him. On the way to seeing him I actually was sick. I wanted to turn home but I forced myself to go and meet him and I did it. Seeing him next time already feels a lot less scary.

Usually when I meet him I'm withdrawn and not in a 'cuddly' mood because my mind is consumed with the idea I could be sick, which puts him off making dates with me because he feels upset everytime we meet up. But Monday went well and he's already looking forward to seeing me next time. Feeling so much more positive now.

[KaydeeJayde]

I'm so glad to hear that! I'm sorry you were sick but I'm really proud of you for pushing through and going to see him anyways! That's so great to hear! He sounds like he's a really understanding guy I really am glad it's working itself out a little Keep up the great progress! xx

[struggles]

Thank you! I just have to keep in mind that I did it this time so it can be done again- once it's a habit I think I can see him properly. I struggled with university and meeting friends before, but because I kept at it, now it's become a lot easier. I hope I can sort out my relationship with my BF though, it's the most important one to me.

Have you had any successes recently?

[KaydeeJayde]

I'm having a lot of trouble with uni at the moment, I just have so much trouble getting myself to get out of bed, but I just had re enrolmen for the new semester, and I'm making a clean start. I'm feeling really positive about it at the moment, so hopefully that'll be a success soon enough.

My boyfriend and I have had some problems lately too. He has chronic stomach issues, and I've always had trouble being around him, but I went to Paris and he went to Rwanda, and he's come back really healthy and his stomach problems seem to have calmed down (personally, I think it's because he's underweight and doesn't eat enough that he has stomach issues, and he ate a lot when he was overseas.) and my anxiety is calmed down since the last few months, so yeah, I'm feeling pretty good.

As for reminding yourself that it was okay... The more often you do it, the easier it will become. Also, try to make it into a routine if you can. See if you can set a time during the week to see him and stick to that time for the time being. Then add some times, and then you can work on just seeing him whenever you feel like it. I'm so pleased you're doing better

[struggles]

I had issues with university too at first. Things are easier now but I couldn't sit anywhere but the back in an aisle seat. I told my university about it and they made lots of special rearrangements- they told my teachers about what i was going through and gave me a counsellor at the uni and also in exam time they put me in a special room where I was given lots of breaks. Staying positive is key to fighting the horrible feelings and doubts so it's great you're staying positive about returning. I'll be returning for my final year this time!

What chronic problems does your BF have? I have chronic stomach pains so I've been recently referred by my GP to see a specialist. It's frustrating and an addictional thing I need to battle alongside my emetophobia!

I know what you mean about it being eaier the more I do it, I certainly need to mke it routine. I haven't managed to see him after last time which was now over a week ago. I'm slightly worried because he's going on holiday for a month in august so I might try and see if I can see him before then.

I'm glad your boyfriend is better and you have a more positive attitude about uni I'll keep you updated on how it goes!

[KaydeeJayde]

He shows IBS symptoms, pretty much, but nothing helps. He can't figure out what foods cause him to feel sick. He used to vomit a LOT, like, at least once every two weeks, but he hasn't in at least a few months now, which is fantastic. I guess it's just something we have to deal with. It has come close to breaking us up a lot of times before, which would be a shame because he's so understanding and amazing when it comes to my anxiety.

What are you studying at uni? I'm doing music, so it's easy enough to miss some lectures and stuff but it still shows on my records. I hope you do well with your final year That's so exciting!

Definitely keep me updated. I hope you can see him before he goes away

[struggles]

Oh no it sounds so awful. Has he gone to see a gastroenterologist? I'm going to see one soon because I have "IBS symptoms" but I also can't figure out what makes me sick. I know what you mean about it almost splitting you up, it's hard to have something chronic or a phobia and to deal with a relationship. How long have you teo been together?

I'm studying maths & economics- so very different to your degree- it's certainly not fun! After all the uni I've missed, I managed only a 2:2 so next yera will be hard work for me but I'll give it my best shot!

I haven't been able to see him but hopefully I can pick it up when he gets back!