Hello everyone. I have been visiting the forum a lot lately, but was unable to post. Now that I am able, I wanted to start off with a new topic, which really isn't a new topic at all. It is what we all visit this site for...emets.


I am 28 years old, married and mother of two children. My fear is so much like all of you explain, and I was so glad to find people like me. My husband knows all about my fear, yet is incapable of understanding entirely. We cannot blame them for this, it IS an unrational fear and not worth all the heartache we have, but we do have it, and it is very real to us.


I want all the unmarried and childless people to know, and not to discourage you, that my emet was intensified when I married. I have always had emet, though not knowing the proper name for it, however, the security of living at home, and having parents to take care of you was comforting. When I got married, I only moved a few blocks away from home, but it felt like so far away. My mom was wonderful, and if my husband got sick, I would call her and she would come over and be with me. I would go into a complete shut down: plugging my ears, crying, and feeling ill myself, and eventually I would talk myself right into being sick. I had a very hard time with the fact that I no longer had my mother in the same house with me 24/7. I now had someone else to care for, and I couldn't. When I had my son, my world came crashing down again. Let me first tell you that when I was pregnant, I was never sick, and consequently gained a lot of weight because I ate everything in sight. I thought I had beat my phobia because for the first time in a long time, I was eating like everyone else! But... after the delivery it came back with a vengeance. For weeks I would sit and stare at my son, and cry because I was worried that he would get sick. I wasted a lot of precious time that way. Eventually, summer came, and my fear of the flu subsided. There was still the food issue , but I was more relaxed.


One night when my son was real young, we had friends come stay at our house for a night, and I woke up in the middle of the night, and my husband was not in bed. Red Flag...panic attack begins. My husband does not normally get up in the middle of the night except, you know. Yes, he was. I couldn't get my friends out of the house fast enough. I didn't want them to see my fear. I got ill also, and my mom came to our aid. That was the worst day of my life!


Years later I decided I was strong enough to have another child. I was wrong. Again the pregnancy was WONDERFUL. But again, as soon as I had her, all the worry was back. I had a great OB/GYN and told him everything. I was put on medication and did somewhat better. My daughter is now 3, and I wasted much unneccessary time worrying during her infancy also.


My mom left 2 years ago, and moved over seas. I couldn't understand how she could do that. I had a debilitating problem that only she totally understood and she left me! I was very angry, but it forced me to become stronger and focus my attention on more important things. I feel I am doing better now, but there are some weeks it is as intense as ever. We have had the illness circulating our area for a while now, and I am ready to say goodbye to winter! My daughter had the stomach flu last week, but I think we are all safe by now. And I am proud of myself. My husband was at work, so I had to take care of her. I ever hugged and kissed her!


Well, there is much more to my life story, but I have taken up enough time already. My advice to anyone out there who wants to have children, get yourself well first. There are SO many things not to be missed, and I regret that I did. I will be here often I'm sure, and hopefully we can all help one another.&nbs