Very tired, very scared

[mrbleaney]

Hello,



I'm sorry for such a long post, but I hope somebody will read it, as I
am feeling pretty bad tonight and could use a little encouragement.



This morning, my fiancee woke up nauseous, and it wasn't long before
she was in the bathroom being sick. When she returned, we speculated
about what could have been the cause. At first, she posited that it
might have been food poisoning--we had made sandwiches for dinner the
night before (deli meat, like any other meat, is always suspect in my
mind) and, later, she had a pb&j sandwich with chips and a salsa
dip that might have overstayed its welcome. (Not to mention the fact
that she ate said sandwich and chips after applying a dose of Advantage
flea treatment on our cat and getting some on her hands. She washed her
hands, but only briefly, and the instructions for the flea treatment
stated that one should rinse the skin for about 15-20 minutes. I don't
necessarily think this caused the v****ing, but it probably wasn't the
best thing to do.) I began to worry that if it was food
posioning, that I might have it, too, because I had felt nauseous a few
times that night (I didn't sleep) and I was having abdominal pains, as
well.



This is the first time my fiancee and I have been in the situation
where she is sick (though she has v****ed several times in the past
year alone) and I may have been exposed to the same illness-causing
agent. She still felt sick, but I was too wrapped up in obsessive
thoughts to comfort her, and she resented the fact that I wanted
comfort, too. Because of this, and because she gets frustrated not
knowing what to say or do when I am in the grip of my phobia, she got
silent, cold, and distant. And when she did speak to me--at my
request--she was antagonistic and hurtful. To her credit, she was
honest with me; she said she didn't really know what caused her to be
sick, </font></span></font>and I appreciated her honesty, but it was the way</span> that she dispensed the truth, harshly and utterly devoid of empathy, </font></span></font>that
hurt me, and made me more anxious. She suggested she might have caught
something at work (she is a CNA at a rehabilitation center), though she
said the only thing going around at work was a bad cold (which we had
both just gotten over). She said she took her temperature while in the
bathroom and it was only a little over 99 degrees, but she still felt
sick. Now, I am terrified. We're very affectionate with each other,
kissing and whatnot, so if she has viral gastroenteritis/stomach virus,
then there is a chance I may develop it, too, if I don't have it
already. As I sit here, I feel nauseous and my stomach hurts. Even
typing those last two sentences makes me anxious, and I feel as though
it is going to get much worse as the night wears on and I get more
tired (I've only slept a couple of the past twenty-four hours). I am
absolutely terrified that I have caught something from her. I won't be
able to eat or sleep until I'm sure I'm no longer in danger of getting
sick. She went by herself to visit her parents this afternoon, but her
mother called to tell me that she got very sick when she got there,
more v****ing and severe abdominal pain. Her mother said she was very
pale and weak, and would be unable to drive back home, so she was going
to stay overnight, for which, shamefully, I was secretly thankful. I
called a good friend who understands my emetophobia well, and she
helped a lot, but she and her husband live in England, so they're fast
asleep, now.



I'll be awake, though. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]



</font></span></font>
Edited by: mrbleaney

[roxxi277]

Oh, my gosh, I 'm so sorry. This is horrible for you to be going
through! I have been there before. The only advice I can
give is to keep your hands and bathroom very clean. Also, if you
have not kissed her since the first time she actually got sick, you may
be ok. On all the websites I've been on about the norovirus, they
all say the same thing....the person is not contagious until they
actually get sick. So you may be in the clear. However, if
it is in fact a stomach virus, she could be contagious even after she
feels better, so be careful. I don't know what to say about how
she treated you today, knowing your fears. Remember, people don't
understand why we feel the way we do. She was probably feeling
bad from being sick, and wasn't taking your phobia into
consideration. Please let us now how you are doing. Carrie

[madisonsmom]

How are you doing now? I agree, I have read the same thing about being contagious once symptoms start! Hope you are doing ok!

[mrbleaney]

Thank
you, Carrie and madisonsmom, for your kind words, and for the advice.
It is comforting to know there are people out there going through the
same kind of stuff, though I wish none of us have to have days like
this. I'm still feeling a bit queasy, but a little calmer, having
gotten it all out, so to speak, by posting in the forum. I don't feel
as alone, now. As for the bathroom, I won't be going back in there
anytime soon. Fortunately, we're living in a house with two bathrooms
with my father and his roommate, so I'm using the other bathroom right
now, and my dad's roommate even volunteered to disinfect the "scene of
the crime," as it were. But I still need to Lysol the bedroom and
change the sheets, and whatever else I can do to make the room a little
easier to inhabit. I am also trying to make the world my partner and I
inhabit a little easier, by just being understanding of her
difficulties dealing with the fact that I am emetophobic in the hopes
that my understanding will foster understanding and empathy in her.
Again, thank you guys for being here. This really is a wonderful
community and I hope you are all well.</span></font>

[confused]

I hope you have calmed down some. I've been there, it is really scary, but on the bright side i NEVER got the bug!!!!! My fiance was sick and I slept right next to him (i thought he was only sick from the'other end', but I found out he had lied to me to try to keep me from freaking out). But I was FINE! I think you will be too, I think if you feel sick now it is just anxiety. Try not to think about it, Try to relax. If you can't sleep keep yourself busy, watch tv, read, play online.


Maybe when your fiancee is better you could try to talk with her and try to explain your emet to her better. At first my fiance didn't understand, but I found a way to explain it to him. He is afraid of spiders, (if he sees one he screams and runs out of the room) he doesn't have anxiety attacks over them though. So I had him imagine his fear times 100 and said that's how I fell about getting sick.Because he could compare it to his own fear he could imaginehow afraid I get. Hetries to understand,and he comforts me when I'm having a panic attacks. Hopefully your fiancee can understand your phobia better so she won't get mad at you when you get scared.

[bethany]

oh goodness. how are things going now?? what do you do? my sister says you must've been an english major in college. everything was very well said!!! heheehe

i hope she feels better and oh dozens of prayers b/c all of us know how you are feeling right now

-megan

[mrbleaney]

confused
- Thanks for the good advice and comaraderie. I have been trying to
take my mind off things, and as I've gotten calmer, the physical
ailments have greatly subsided--mind over matter, I guess. I know I
still won't sleep, but that's another matter. I chewed my last pieces
of gum, so mints have served as sustenance in their stead.



Getting someone to look at things from your perspective isn't always
easy, but the way you got your fiancee to do so was very creative. My
fiancee is normally very supportive when it comes to my phobia:
she keeps an eye out for sickly people when we're out in public, she is
accepting of my odd phobia-related behaviors, she even explores
websites like this one with me in order to better understand
emetophobia. The difficulty arises when she</span>
is sick. I've expressed to her that I would never want her to hide the
nature of her illness from me because it is important to me that I can
trust her implicitly (a facet of our relationship that we are working
hard to build). I know comfort is too much to ask of someone who is
sick, but I could do without the anger, cruelty, and resentment. If she
could find a way to replace those with love, empathy, and compassion,
then, my only distress would be self-inflicted (or, self-afflicted</span>, depending on how you look at it).



And thank you, megan, for the good wishes and prayers--they mean a lot
to me! As I mentioned earlier, I am feeling a little better, though I'm
starting to feel that slight ache over the eyelids, a tell-tale sign
that I'm getting sleepy. But one of the things I fear most about
v****ing is waking up from a dead sleep sick. So, I'm going to fight
sleep for as long as I can, then when I absolutely have to rest, I'll
set my alarm, so that I only nod off for an hour or so. Anyway, it's
nice to have such congenial company here in the interim.



Oh, and your sister is on the money. I'm currently a student majoring in English on the Creative Writing track. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

</span></font>

[stella9]

Mrbleaney,



I could tell you were a writer by your very eloquent posts.
I would like to welcome you to this site. The people who
visit and correspond on this board are very knowledgeable,
friendly and supportive. Other than our emetophobia, we are
highly intelligent and quite normal people. Our emet can become
overwhelming at

times, especially when we come face-to-face with exposure to the dreaded stomach virus.



While your fiancee may have not been the most delightful in spirit with
you, please don't take one ounce of it personally. You wrote that
she is keenly aware of your phobia and is supportive of you. You
also stated that comfort is too much to ask of a sick person, but you
could do without the anger, cruelty and resentment. I doubt
that she was trying to convey any of those emotions. She just
feels awful. Her main concern is dealing with illness and not you
right now. I know this sounds harsh, but that is the way it
is. Sickness clouds our judgement and ability to be
rational. Please give her the benefit of the doubt. When
you talk about it with her after she is well, she probably won't
remember being cruel to you in any way.



Now to you for a moment. The only thing you can do is take
a few breaths and experience, what I call, "THE WAIT." If after
48-60 hours you have not caught what your fiancee has, you won't get it
from her. That is not to say you can't catch it from other
sources especially since this bug seems to be on the rampage just about
everywhere in the States right now. Also wait about 72 hours
after her last V*** and/or D**** episode before you get together with
her. If that is not possible, just take the same precautions you
would take anyway - handwashing, keeping your hands away from
your face. Of course, kissing is a no-go for about a week.



You seem like a very sensitive person. As you know, the emet will
throw you into ultra-sensitive mode as it hightens all your worries
about sickness. Please try not to ruminate about how your
fiancee treated you. It is highly doubtful that she meant any
malice towards you.

Take care and good health to you. Keep us informed on how your fiancee is doing and if you are well.



Stella9

[mrbleaney]

Stella9,
thank you for such a thorough, well-written response; your advice
regarding my fiancee was sobering...I only wish I had heeded it. She
came back from her parents' house yesterday morning, feeling much, much
better. (Thank you and everyone else who wished her well - you guys
really are great.) [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img] She was so
sweet and comforting to me, too, telling me it was most likely food
posioning that made her sick, and even writing me an endearingly cute
and loving poem, apologizing for her behavior, asking for another
chance to change it. But it was like all of her lovely, generous words
and expressions of concern for me were churned to tatters in my lousy
OCD mind, like the remains of flowers in a spin cycle. That's what my
mind is like in times like these, a washing machine, or a dryer where
my thoughts tumble over each other continuously. I remember standing at
our bedroom doorway, barely able to think straight long enough to thank
her, though long enough to feel bad about it. But last night, when I
finally somewhat snapped out of it toward the end of "The Wait," did I
properly thank her and tell her how much I love her? Did I tell her how
relieved I was that she was feeling better, not for my sake, but for
her's? Did I tell her how lucky I was to have such a wonderfully
amazing person as my partner? No. I did exactly what you advised me not
to do, stella9: I focused on my hurt and didn't give her the
benefit of the doubt. Just before she left for work (she works the
night shift), we talked, but she left feeling bad. It wasn't just awful
timing, it was awful me</span>. Consider this my public mea culpa</span>. I just hope she will forgive me, and let me make it up to her.



</span></font>

[bethany]

dont beat yourself up over it. it's okay, we all get like this sometimes, and it's hard to behave the way you want with so many nerves worked up, and on little sleep as well! how are things going now?
-megan

[bethany]

woo hoo for english majors!! i'm bethany's sister...i guess it takes one to know one
[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

i hope you're feeling much better. sounds like you have a really great partner in your fiancee. I'm sure she is willing to work on transforming her negative reactions to the phobia with positive ones. given some time, i think the phobia will ease up in its strain on your relationship.

Beth
~user redapple
(who's too lazy to
log out then log back
in on her own name [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img] Edited by: bethany

[stella9]

mrbleany,



I am very glad that your girlfriend is feeling better. Whether or
not she had food poisoning or a stomach virus is a moot issue at this
point. She appears to be on the mend and it does not seem as
though you have caught her illness.



You appearto be a very caring, loving person towards your girlfriend
and, from what you have conveyed here, she seems to be equally
considerate of you and empathetic of your emet. Although she was
the sick one a few days ago, she graciously apologized to you for her
treatment of you. It is possible that she did not treat you
poorly at all, but your perception that she did was enough for her to
write you a cute poem and asked for your forgiveness. She is a
true catch.



Now for the future. Since you are keenly aware that you did not
accept her apology and intend to ask for her forgiveness, the two of
you need to have a long talk about this now. Your relationship
seems too special to let it be destroyed by something that you can't
help. Your girlfriend will be tolerant to the point of being ABLE
to understand what you experience. After that, she will feel
foolish and as though you take advantage of her good graces.
Emet, as any phobia, infringes on our lives and can be difficult for
others to understand. She needs to know that your not accepting
her apology quickly has no bearing on how you feel about her. It
is only the phobia.



Stella

[emetojackie]

I'm sure its hard for your girlfriend to understand something that she hasn't experienced, and she probably wasn't sure how to react, and when your feeling as bad as that she probably was expecting sympathy and was upset that you couldn't give any..


It sounds like she'll realise throughout time that you can provide that for her but not physically, and you also need a lot of sympathy in a situation like that..


I hope that makes sence..


I'm glad shes feeling better, I bet you it was just food poisoning, nothing to worry about... Just be careful on what you eat from now on [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[SimplyMe]

I'm glad that she is feeling better. Just as she was feeling bad and sick when she was short w/ you, you were caught up in emet w/ her. I'm sure she will be understandign and forgive you as you are forgiving of her as well. Isnt' that what relationships are about sometimes? We are all human and it seems you two truly love each other a lot so surly it will all be OK!

[snowangel]

mrbleany,


I hope you are still well. It usually takes 35 hours hour someone is sick to catch their flu, that is if they are even catching. It seems like your fiancee had food poisoning. I am sure you will not catch it, after all, Emets rarely catch anything.

Let us know how you are holding up anyway,

Snowangel.

[mrbleaney]

Well,
here we go again. This time, the sv is here for sure. Both my dad and
his roommate, with whom my fiancee and I are living, came down with it
on Tuesday, but they thought it was food poisoning, possibly from bad
shrimp. Tonight, I found out that they are both still feeling sick, and
are convinced that it is the "flu." Since, they are not showing signs
of influenza-type symptoms, I assume they mean the sv. They say other
people at work have been out with it, but do you think maybe they
really do have food poisoning and are just still feeling sick from
that? How long would you feel the effects of food poisoning? They
both got sick</span></font> around the same time on Tuesday, my father so much so that he went home for the day.</span></font>
They both work at the same grocery store where they are
meatcutters and since they both thought they had food poisoning,
they both were at work the next day. Now, hearing that they are really
sick, I am concerned that products from the meat department and,
indeed, anywhere else in the store may be contaminated. Ugh, earlier
today, my fiancee even went shopping at that store. I ate and drank
products bought from that store. Could they be contaminated too??!! I'm
freaking out! I won't be able to eat, drink, or use any of the things
she bought now (which will probably lead to a conflict because I know
she will see that as a waste of money), but I'm so afraid now! I don't
even want these things in our room--we have a mini-fridge and keep all
of our groceries (except freezer stuff) in the room with us--so, I'm
moving them into the kitchen pronto! My fiancee has been really
understanding so far, but I hope this doesn't push her over the edge
and away from me.[img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]



Fortunately, I was skeptical when they got sick in the first place, and
stayed in my room a good deal of the time, while my fiancee, as luck
would have it, was away visiting her parents. But we share the
bathroom with the roommate and my fiancee had to use my father's
bathroom earlier today. And yesterday our unknowing and un-emetophobic
cat even snuck into my father's room and curled up under his bedboard
to catch some z's and possibly some germs. (Here's a question only an
emetophobe would ask: Can the sv germs get on our cat and then onto
us?). We haven't been as cautious as we would have been had we
known this was the sv, though we haven't been around my dad and his
roommate that much. Still, I'm even more terrified than I was the last
time because this time I'm sure the sv is here. Worse yet, I haven't
been eating or sleeping well since hearing the news about them being
sick on Tuesday, so I'm tired and I don't feel well at all, plus I have
neck pain and a pressure headache from sleeping wrong. On top of that,
I'm afraid to use either bathroom and I gotta go! [img]smileys/smilies_10.gif[/img]



I know I won't eat or sleep now, no matter how tired or hungry I get,
but, ironically, that just makes me more susceptible to getting sick.
It's a catch-22 with this phobia! I'm really frightened and could use
some comforting words right now. I desperately want to call my fiancee
at work, but I'm loath to do so, even though she's told me I should
when I need her like this (in fact, she'll probably be angry I didn't
call). I just don't want my disorder to intrude on her life too much.
God, I hope she hasn't caught the sv.



Fortunately, I do have Tigan and Emetrol at my disposal, so, if I do
have to succumb to sleep, I won't go out unprotected. I just want all
this sv-related v****ing to stop.



Thank you to everyone who posted during my last bad spell. My partner
did, indeed, forgive me. We consider that day (and each day, really) as
a learning experience, and a

[charzysbebe]

First of all mrbleaney...I know exactly how you are feeling. It is no fun at all. [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]


You are so right about this phobia being a "catch-22". I am sorry you are so miserable right now with this fear. What I have been doing if I feel the terror you are feeling, is I ask myself, "what is the worst thing that could happen if I do vomit?" You just have to tell yourself that you have lived through that ordeal before; although no fun, it is survivable.


I know it is easier said that done, but I promise you, if you just lie down and relax, and sort of meditate....even imagine being somewhere peaceful and relaxing, you will be less anxious.


That is great that your fiance understands that you have a phobia. It may take more work on your part (unfortunately) to get her to understand how these episodes really make you feel. She may never really know how youfeel though, since she is not an emet.


Just try and relax and get some sleep. I hope you find out that this was not a stomach bug. But if it was, you just remember to be cautious with your sanitation.


I hope by now you are doing better. Let us know how things are going for you. That is just awful that you have to go through this again, in such a short period of time. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]Take care, Charlotte

[beanie]

I really feel for you!! Its just a nightmare! And to have to deal with this again! Thats just awful.


I think situations like this just make you stronger, its another step that you will take and come out the other side. Just try to stay calm and you will get through it. I do think you should try and eat something, even if its a bit of dry toast it will help and probably make you feel better.


Ill be thinking of you, sending out happy thoughts! let us know how you are getting on.


Vicky

[realtaken]

Something similar happened to me over the past couple of weeks. My son started to vomit profusely one night and had fever, diarrhea, etc. It took him five days to get over it and almost three days on the hour, my other son started to vomit and have the same symptoms. I freaked out because I was also hoping my son had only had food poisoning or something. Then, three days almost to the hour after that, my daughter started vomiting, etc. I was at the end of my ropes. I had not eaten in days, had not slept and felt like I was going to die literally because of how I had starved and not slept (I lost 11 pounds in 7 days). Now, it has been almost two weeks since all that happened and I had a stomach ache yesterday and the day before, which may have been a touch of what they had. All in all, I never got it and neither did my husband or father-in-law who lives with us. Wash your hands very well, and keep things sanitized with bleach. You won't get it. Get some sleep and eat something or your immune system will be compromised and you may pick something up regardless. Just take care of yourself and remember you are not alone. We understand the kind of hell you are going through right now, but you will get through it because you have to. Keep us posted.


Stephanie

[madisonsmom]

mrbleaney,


Will this stuff EVER end![img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img]


How are you? I can sympathize with what you are going through. It is such a nightmare. You have gotten very good advice and I hope you do not get sick.


If you dont mind me asking, where are you from?Edited by: madisonsmom