~*~*I’m So Sad*~*~

[alliecat]

Hey All...

My boyfriend (Steve) and I of two years have just broke up. Whether its permanent or temporary... we don't know yet. All I know is I'm heartbroken. My entire body hurts. The tears don't stop flowing. I'm not bawling... the tears just don't stop. The only thing that's keeping me from going totally ballistic is the fact that he promised we'd be best friends no matter what... and we are, and the fact that this doesn't have to be permanent. Though there are terms to that... we are playing this whole thing by ear. If either one of us is intimate with someone else at this point, we won't get back together. But that poses a HUUUGE problem for me. I have a majorly strong sexual attraction to another guy. I love Steve very much... more than anything in the world, and I know that I don't want to lose him as my
boyfriend forever. But... this other attraction make me crazy. What am I supposed to do?? I can't keep myself away from this guy. I'm so depressed right now and totally confused and I feel so screwed up. How could I possibly be thinking this way when I know how much I love him and how much I want to be with him? How could I want to even risk getting back together with him by getting together with someone else? Advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm going to go cry somemore... Thanks everyone.

Allie

[tink]

Hey Allie,

I am so sorry that you and your boyfriend broke up, I know that can be such a hard thing no matter how civil the break up is. Just remember that you are very open to being hurt right now, and it is best to not get involved in anything else. At least in the short term. Give yourself a little time to grieve for your relationship with your boyfriend, and go into anything new with a clear head. I am saying this only because I was in a similar situation, and I got involved with the other guy right after my breakup. It turned out that I wasn't even really that into him, but he just gave me the strength to be OK with a breakup with my long time boyfriend. I am not saying at all that this may be your situation, I am just saying that it easier to start something with a clear head. Does that make sense??

But more than anything, take care of yourself.. I know you have been having a rough time of it lately. Make sure you are OK.. And make sure you are eating and sleeping well. Pamper yourself all you need to, because you deserve it.

HUGS..

--Kim

[terified girl]

Hey Allie, breaking up is so very painful, one that we put ourselves through sometimes over and over again.


My advice to you depends on a few questions I'd want to ask you, but since I can't I'll just put my 2cents in and hope that you don't hate me for it.


If this is your first serious relationship, and you still pretty young, and you haven't been with more than 2 guys, I think this break could be good for you to explore and test and see if Stev really is the guy you want to be with forever. I had dated 2 guys before my current, and although we've been together for 4 years now, I amnot that oldand sometimes I get curious, maybe I wouldn't have become some serious with someone so fast, but I love my guy and have invested 4 years and wouldn't change that now. But you now have that option, and if you've broken up once, what makes this relationship so solid for the future ?????


Now if you done the whole exploring thing and do want to settle down, I suggest you do take this time to think about things and think about why you broke up and why you should get back together. This is your time to just be alone, soak it up, and be free for awhile to do whatever it is you need to do.


I hope I didn't come off sounding like an expert, because I'm not, but if I were in your shoes, I think thats what I would do.


Take your time, and cry your brains out, it feels good, and then after you've made your decision, let us know!!!


We are here for you, so vent away, and we'll listen!


Take care, Sonia.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[crazybeautiful]

Allie, breakups are the worst. I just went through one, I'm so sorry for you. I know how you feel, when you cry and cry and cry. Nothing anyone can say will make you feel better.


So sorry hun, if you need to talk you can message me.

[SimplyMe]

Aww, I'm sorry you broke up and are feeling down. Really everyone has had great advice so I will probably sound liek an echo. Ultimately it is up to you and whether or not you are willing and able to take on the consequences of which ever action you choose. I've been on both sides, I've felt like you before and "wondered" about soemone else and I've also turned down an opportunity and wish that I hadn't so it really is your call. I do agree that you probably need some time to yourself to sort your feeling out and weigh the pros and cons before jumping into anything whether its back w/you b/f or w/ this other guy. Good luck and keep us posted!

[jesskali]

Allie,

I broke up with a guy that I was engaged to and loved dearly, but I knew that we could never be married and be happy. I believe that he loved me too, but wasn't ready for the type of commitment that marriage brings.

Anyway, I was completely devastated when I broke up with him and became very depressed. I truly regreted my decision at that time and even tried to get back with him. He was very stubborn and prideful and would not take me back. I stayed that way for about a year and really didn't date anyone else other than "friends". A year and 2 months after we broke up, I met my now-husband on a blind date, of all things. Looking back, although it was a very difficult time, breaking up with my ex-fiancee was the best thing that ever happened. If I had not taken that step and broken up with him, I would probably be a very miserable person today. Although I thought I loved him deeply at the time, the love I have for my husband now doesn't even compare.

I have to say that I don't believe my ex-fiancee and I could have been best friends--it would have made it a whole lot harder to let go. But, that is strictly up to you guys. You are still young and if there is even a slight doubt in your mind that he is the one you want to be with, then it is good that you are taking a break from each other. But if you know deep down that he is, then I wouldn't want to jeopardize that.

I think everyone has been in a similar situation and knows how you feel. I hope this makes you feel better. Trust me, better days are ahead for you!

Jess

[snowangel]

Allie,

Sounds like you really need some time to yourself to figure out what you really want. Take a few steps back to look at the whole situation from a different angle. Try your hardest not to preoccupy yourself with the pain and the other guy. Get wrapped up in a project with an end result that will make you feel good. I usually clean out a closet, knit, or help out a friend in need. These are the things that relax my mind and make me feel better.
Things will fall into place. Makes me sad to hear your sad and the "tears keep flowing." Breakups are very very hard and unfortunately, much like a flu, you just have to let it takes its course.

Hang in there sweetie...

Snowangel

[alliecat]

Hey All-


Thanks for your replies. Its so nice to hear that there are people who can relate to something like this. I can't even describe how I'm feeling right now. I'm just so sad. My eyes are insanely swollen today and I have the worst dark circles EVER. I'm EXHAUSTED too because I was crying so much last night and when I cry a lot, my sinuses get so clogged and then I get a sinus headache. So I was trying to sleep and every time I shut my eyes I would cry and it would feel like my eyes were going to burst out of my head. I even almost got sick last night because of how much I was crying, but I was too upset to have a panic attack on top ofit all. I still don't have much of an appetite today, but I'm making myself eat. I can't afford to not eat right now. I don't understand why this kind of crap has to happen. Why am I feeling like this when I know I love him? Why did this happen?


Allie

[2jo2]

I'm so sorry you and your boyfriend broke up. I know how much it hurts. My husband, then boyfriend and I broke up one time and had time apart and then ended up getting back together. It can work out in the end, but if things aren't ok right now or you need space, it's best to take that space. I hate to sound like a cliche, but ifit's meant to be, you'll end up with him. Take this time to do some soul searching and see if it's just that you feel tied down that this other guy seems so attractive to you, or if you really do want to explore something with this guy. Just do what's in your heart and what makes you happy. Again, I know how much it hurts. I hope you can find what you're looking for.


Hugs to you!!!


Josie

[Babydoll]

Thats too bad your feeling like that.


it will get better, I promice, and the timing for that is different for everybody. we are all here for you whenever you need to talk about it.


Maybe you feel like you've lost a piece of yourself? I know thats how I felt when my 3 year relationship went down the tubes. I don't think you ever forget that kind of thing. But you learn, and love again. Maybe the same person, Maybe not.


*hugs*