I honestly don't know what to do, I hate myself for the way I am about this and there isn't a light at the end of the tunnel anymore. I'm 17 and I'm a fucking slave to this disease, it runs my life and my mom worries about me and blames herself for my issues. I'm in a downward spiral and I know that if it weren't for my mom being so hurt by it I'd be fixing it with drugs. So I stay a good student and pretend like I'm motivated and love life, my friends, and God and wait until the days when my self-destruction won't make her cry at night. I'm lost and honestly very afraid of the future and who I'm going to become, but at the same time I look forward to it because honestly I just don't want to feel anymore, I'm sorry if that sounds stupid and emo but it's true. Sometimes I really, really wish all there was to my life was 4 white walls and a blue guitar.

Fuck. This. Shit.


Sorry for the emo rant.




Jeremy.