I’m a newbie...never knew this had a name

[jessiev]

I just came across this website....

I never knew that other people had this fear...I always knew that
people didnt like throwing up..i mean its gross...but i never knew this
had a name.

It is so relieving to know that there are people living with this just like me...

Now that I know it has a name--I feel like I can overcome it--does that make sense?



I remember the first time I ever saw someone puke, I was 3 in preschool..

the kid's name was Joseph and it was a lunch time and he puked up apple
cobbler allover the teacher Tona, and she was wearing an aqua colored
sweat suit and had to go home and change...some of it got on the table
we were eating at...

i didnt eat anything that included baked apples until my teens...and
this is why--but i never admitted that to anyone until now...



And i remember every single time I have ever seen somebody throw up ever since...

and i have only thrown up 7 times in my life. Twice of which were from
alcohol...but i havent thrown up from illness since i was in elementry
school w/ the exception of one time in Mexico...(dont let the water
even touch your lips) when i was 17...



I am 22 now and I work in New York..but live in Queens..

this forces me to use public transportation...EVERY DAY.

which involves being enclosed in a small space with strangers...

yesterday i had a run in with my worst fear---

being in a small space where someone throws up in my presence.

This is the 2nd time it has happened in the 2 yrs i have lived here...

But I am so shaken right now and having a hard time getting over
the paranoia now that it might happen again..on the train today (which
i was a ball of anxiety about) I was chatting with a friend..and behind
us i heard a splattering noise that sounded like throwing up and i
jumped up and ran to the other side of the car FREAKING OUT
obviously..she didnt know what the hell was going on..then she pieced
it together and it turns out some guy had just spilled his seltzer
water..at this point i started to cry (which is something i virtually
NEVER EVER do) but i had no control, myhands were shaking..and i was
like--what the f*** is wrong with me?

How can I learn to deal with this?

If I dont get past it...I cannot function normally...and i will always
be terrified to have kids (morning sickeness....them throwing up etc.)

It feels so good to know that I am not alone in this...

Any words of wisdom?

[Jenneh]

hey Jess


welcome to IES.


you certainly are not alone. but as for words of wisdom, i'm all out at the moment.


only, i'd urge you to try and get professional help for this if u can. it is possible to do it without because i've seen it done but it's still worth a shot at getting some professional help.


i've just started seeing a new psychiatrist for it. keeping my fingers crossed that things go well... this is my second attempt of overcoming this thing (and many others) and i'm only 17. but like you, i want to be able to have a free life, hav kids e.t.c. e.t.c.


so, good luck anyway, everyone here understands ur position.


Jen xxxxxxxxxx

[skinnyme]

hello and welcome to the site... In sorry I cannot offer any words of wisdom to you... We all are suffering so badly with this dam phobia and we all feel the helplessness of everyday life and wondering if we will encounter "it' or see or hear of anything having to do with V***. Alot of people here are in therapy... I don't know what it entails trying to rid this phobia but it is a thought to you to try to get in to see a pshyc.

[jessiev]

i actually am seeing a psycologist...
and i am pondering seeing a psychiatrist as well...
i had just forgotten how terrible this phobia really is until i was faced
with this on saturday...again...my friends and family laugh at me.
My parents don't understand...it's really hard b/c all i want is to be
taken seriously...especially now that i know i am not alone..i will try
to find a therapist that specializes in phobias or something...thank
you guys for responding...its warming to know there are others out
there.

[shiva]

My advice about seeing a psychiatrist is....


Try as hard as you can to conquer this and work it out to the best of your ability without medication. I am not anti medication... I am on medication myself, but am hoping to soon go off of it. The problem is that I am addicted and I personally cannot stand that feeling. Talk about loss of control, this is the worst.


My psychiatrist actually told me this about my phobia.... She said..."I can sit here and hand out the candy, I do that all day and will continue to do so in order to help people make it through there lives day to day. However, medication and sitting in an office talking about why will not get rid of this for you. The only way you will get rid of this is by addressing it and refocusing your feelings about it. Not everyone can handle this and that is where I come in, but for those who really want peace of mind, they must conquer their fear not hide from it."


Now.. coming from someone who's profession is to medicate, I cannot help but know that those words came from the most sincere place inside of her. She still prescribes to me, but she was also there to offer that wonderful advice and when I am ready, I will do exactly as she directed as I hope that many of you will do also.

[jessiev]

i was medicated for 2 years, in november i weened myself off and have
been unmedicated ever since which is where seeing a therapist came in
for me...i have been seeing them off and on since childhood, but i
sought this one out on my own. My anxiety and this phobia causing
anxiety has been sooo terrible lately that i just dont know what to do.
i wonder if medication is the only way..for me to be happy..but then
again i was numb 80% of the time.

it's such a hard place to be. confusing. to know you are fortunate
person with a seemingly "good life" yet to be so miserable all the
time.

the knowledge that you are your own worst enemy (not to sound trite).

but it's true...