Seeing an OCD specialist..(Update on me)

[NCsmile6]

As many of you know, I have been battlingsevere OCD for the past few years along with emetophobia, and if anything, it's only gotten stronger and stronger over the months. (The OCD. Luckily, the emet is in check right now **knocks on wood**)


Well, my therapist, psychiatrist, parents, and I were all at a loss of what to do for a while. We were stuck in the mud in terms of progress and treatment options, and things just weren't getting any better, no matter what we tried. So we started exploringother options, and we found a therapist who specializes in OCD in Houston!!! There are only 2...yes 2 therapists who specialize in OCD in the state of Texas, the other one being in Austin. So I am so very lucky to have one close to home!! I am having my first appointment with this new therapist on Thursday, and I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY nervous! I hate change and I was so reluctant to agree to make an appointment with this new therapist at first. (I know it sounds silly, but with me change is just so hard.) But I am going on Thursday and I just hope that this new lady can help me.


My current therapist is just a general therapist and doesn't specialize in OCD. But the thing is, I have gotten very attatched to her, and we are working on other issues together, not justOCD,so I will be seeing her along with the OCD specialist. So that gives me some comfort. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]


Hopefully everything will work out this Thursday, and it will open a few more doors! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]


I ask that you please keep me in your thoughts! I have been with the same therapist for nearly five years, and seeing someone new, as you all know is very scary! Plus, I keep fearing that "what if she doesn't work out," etc. etc. In other words, just being my anxious self! LOL! [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]


I know it's silly and sounds really stupid, but I fear recovery. I tend to identify myself with OCD and my other disorders and don't really know what I will do or who I will be without them. Does that make anysense? Like I worry andobssessall the time about sometimes nonsense things (mostly nonsense things), but I ALWAYS have to be worrying or obssessing about SOMETHING, otherwise my mind is empty and I make something up to worry about and worry about it. It's crazy, and my mind is constantly doing worry workouts! So I'm just afraid that the therapy will change me or take away part of who I am. I know it sounds irrational, and probably doesn't make that much sense to you,but then again, I'm not the most rational person, lol! And I don't make sense most of the time! [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]


Anyway, I just thought I would update you guys on where I was...


Love to you all!!


By the way, who else is glad it's finally spring?? WE MADE IT THROUGH THE WINTER MY FRIENDS!!!! YESS!!!! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]Edited by: NCsmile6

[alliecat]

Hey! Its good to hear that you've gotten the dice rolling a little bit stronger on your hopeful recovery! You're so lucky to be able to have a good specialist in your area. I hope things work out for you and that you get better. Keep us posted!!


xoxo


Allie

[NCsmile6]

Thanks so much for your well wishes, Allie, and I will keep you guys posted!

[Jenneh]

heya my lovely little friend...


i've just come across that PM you sent me too... so i will reply to that here as well! (if i remember!)


but firstly, you and your new therapy......... i REALLY hope it works out. i kno you fear change a lot, as i do, and when i went to see this new psych i was just as panicky... infact i still am cos i'm still waiting to actually be introduced to someone who is ACTUALLY going to be the one helping me you know?


i was very pleased to read that your still going along to see the therapist you've been seeing for 5 years... that;s a long long time and it's great you've found someone who will obviously be there for u thru thick and thin. (also, congratulations on having the emet under control!!)


neway, good luck with the new therapist... as i said i hope it goes well and u get on with him.


another thing you said, about how ur a little frightened of recovery because you can't imagine not having the OCD anymore e.t.c. i'm also a member of an eating disorder message board online, and people there are saying the same thing.. (me included) they can't imagine not having an ED and so that;s hindering their recovery process a little. but i guess the thing to remember is, all the
OCD does is restrict you. without that, your still going to be the same person, with the same personality, and the same characteristics e.t.c just you won't hve this shadow following you everywhere!! plus, depending on ur view, you could say that the 'OCD shadow' isn't just going to miraciously complelty disappear... just you will be able to have complete control over it.. so (unfortunatly) u cud fall straight back into it again, i.e. it'll still be there, just you won't NEED to fall back into it's arms because you'll realise a life without it is so much better.


you asked about me in ur PM, well i'm still waiting around to hear from the local eating disorder unit at the hospital, and a psychiatric nurse is apaprntly meant to be getting in touch with me too. needless to say they haven't got in touch even though it's been well over a month since i was referred to them. so my psychiatrist is a bit.. hmph.. about that, as i am.


oh well!! life goes on!!


good to hear from you [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]


Jen xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[ejb199]

NEHA - Sweetheart! Its good to hear from you!!!! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

Neha - you say that ur worried who u might be or how things would be if u were to recover from the emet/ocd - i worry too sometimes - that this is all i have ever known and i cant ever imagine my life whitout it all. But i truly believe u shouldnt worry abt what might be when this is all sorted (one day im sure) - focus on gettng better and on seeing your new therapist - the rest will follow and im sure one day if this is all in the past, you will have become an even stronger gal!

have a lovely Easter - you too Allie and Jen! Dont scoff all your eggs hey! o have given up chocolate for lent - and still going till easter sunday! ONly three days left! thankgod!

hugs, ems x

[madisonsmom]

I am glad that you are continuing the pursuit to recovery! Thats awesome. I have had OCD for some time now and I am going to a psych in April. I have seen him many times before but with no help. I am going to go full force this time because I am SO very sick of feeling this way.


Let us know what happens.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[sage]

HI NEHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


good to hear from you. DON'T WORRY! lol easy to say if you don't have ocd, right?


it's good you're keeping your "original" therapist too. It's good to have someone you trust and who cares about you. Who knows - maybe the new dude will shed some light.


Meanwhile, take a look at your original post through the lens of OCD - it's all sort of obsessing and wanting to "check in" with us, cuz ocd sufferers need reassurance from themselves or others all the time. So really, even your question is just another syptom. My point is that your worry is just a symptom of the disease...not a legitimate, rational worry. So try to think of it that way, and maybe it will help.


Again, it's good to hear from you. YOu're always so encouraging to others!