A long road to recovery: I might be able to give some inspiration?
Hello,
This will be a long passage but I hope you can take some time out to read it. I hope you are all having a good day or night! I am 17 years old and have had emetophobia since I was 11. When you are this young, it feels as though you cannot remember a time when you were "normal" or fearless. That can make it hard as you can't really create a realistic goal of who you want to be because you don't remember being anyone but this scared, anxious and panicked girl. Having a debilitating fear throught my teenage years has made me feel as though I missed out on growing up as a normal kid.
Over the past few months, things have started working out really well for me and I have changed for the better in a very dramatic way. I can't say that I am 100% fear free now, but if you were, you wouldn't be human!
My phobia, like many of you, caused great anxiety in me everyday and everynight. Like you, anxiety and fear taint memories that should be the happiest kind. We can't view these tainted memories as bad moments regarding our phobia because these are just learning curves.
About 2 years ago I decided to take charge. I wrote lists and plans to make myself less anxious and hopefully less fearful. I thought this would be kind of easy as a few years earlier I was able to control extreme OCD. If only it was that easy, my lists and plans usually consisted of exercising, eating well and distracting myself everyday. This didn't work because whenever I went for a run to distract myself from anxiety, I only associated running with anxiety so in turn it made me more fearful.
I never told anybody about my phobia, it was embaressing to me and I am able to cover up my emotions very well. People always commented saying "your such a happy go-lucky girl" and it hurt inside because I knew that was all fake. Until mid last year, I was still sleeping in the same bed as my mother because I was so scared at night. I used to just tell her I couldn't sleep but really I was shaking with fear.
After many sleepless nights she realised there was something deeper going on. I told her but never really told her the whole story. To this day, she still doesn't really how difficult things were getting and that I really did need to see a professional, but because of the brave front I continued to put up, she wasn't able to see that. Which isn't her fault. Naturally she blamed herself which made me just tell her to forget about it and that everything was OK. I didn't want to hurt anyone because of my phobia.
I continued to go about my days not being able to study, or listen in class or go out with friends because of my fear. One day I woke up and just said to myself "today is going to be a good day. If I can just get by today, then everything will be fine".
Believe it or not, that day was great. Positive self talk has been a huge motivator for me. If your going out to dinner, or you worried about an event you need to attend, just take baby steps. Take small bites, it could take you an hour to finish your meal, but atleast you did it. If you just say to yourself, "I will do it for me, just for now, just for today". I can't garuntee that my advice will work for you, as everybody is different, but this is how I dealt with anxiety and fear.
I began exercising for half an hour each day, and doing something for me each day. This could be something as simple as watching a funny video on youtube, or spending time with a friend, or going for a drive by myself.
I started eating what I wanted and when I wanted. This was particularly challenging for me as I would skip meals and not eat for long periods of time. I would have to force myself. Now though, I have found a huge love for food. I love cooking it and I love eating it. There is no need to worry about it. Beautiful food should be enjoyed with the best people in your life.
Music also played a huge role in my recovery. I downloaded various sleeping tracks and relaxing music to listen to whenever I am anxious and struggling to breathe or not able to sleep. I also listened to really happy, pick-me-up music. Songs with great beats. I love to dance so these two paired quite well together.
A song that was almost like therapy to me, was a song called Skyscraper by Demi Lovato. I'm not usually a fan of disney artists or this type of music but this song really got to me. You can see why when you read the lyrics or listen to the artists story. This was really the beginning of a change in me when I heard this song. Music is a really good tool to use if you need to get out of a rut or you need some emotional change.
I've always been a religious person. Prayers to God provided me with a sense of hope and company. I am never lonely and at anytime during the day or night I can ask for guidance and support.
I feel as though there is still so much more to say as all our stories are very lengthy ones. I don't expect you to listen to a 17 year old but I just wanted to share, if I gave atleast one person some strength or inspiration to get on the road towards recovery, then I am happy.
Surround yourself with loved ones, have faith and hope in yourself and remember that it really is never too early or too late to make a significant change in your life. It is your life, not emetophobia's, so you can take charge however you like.
I wish you every happiness and success and I hope and pray that we can all get through together and enjoy the short time we have on earth.
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Re: A long road to recovery: I might be able to give some inspiration?
Originally Posted by JellyBn83
and good luck. Have a wonderful night, you're allowed to.
