ever feel this? like the only reason you're alive is to count down the days till u die?


the reason i feel this is because i've just come back from a normal afternoon to the local shops with my mum and it was a disaster. stupid emetophobia is driving me INSANE! my hands are so sore and bleeding from where i've dug my nails in, rubbed them raw, bitten them... just to stop myself from feeling the need to run and scream and cry in the middle of a shopping centre.


so, i guess i had a 2 hour long panic attack but sheesh i'm now exhausted. can't stop yawning and feel very weak. just makes me wonder if i'm EVER going to be able to leave the house and not be swarmed by this anxiety...


ok, i think i've decided, i'm going on these anti-depressants. anything to take this away just a little bit.


sorry to moan at you but i hven't in so long -- i've kept it from here because i didn't want to admit to myself that this emetophobia is really taking me over atm. but it is, i admit that,it's got a lot worse since i was a regular poster here. <sighs>


Jen xxxxxxx