last night...had the worst panic attack i've ever had. literally thought i was going to die of panic.


~~~MIGHT BE A BIT TRIGGERING FOR SOME~~~


i couldnt sleep... i'd drop off...then wake up within 2 minutes thinking "musn't sleep - might v*" this happened repeatedly...


but at about 2 this morning i woke up for the millionth time and evrything was so different.


my throat felt like it had shut - i could hardly breathe. i was shaking, cold, yet hot. all i cud do was rock back and forth sobbing uncontrollably.. and yes.. something that has never happened before... gagging [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]


i literally thought either i was going to v* and my insides were going to just come out with it... or i thort i was eventually going to die. my back was so achey from being so tense.


i phoned my friend, (yes at 2 in the morning - that's a real friend isnt it?) and cud jus about manage to get the words "can u get online" out of my mouth before cracking and going back into hysterical sobbing. she did come online, and she's never suffered from an anxiety disorder before(as far as im aware), but she knew exactly what to do. within about 15 minutes i was laughing at her telling me about her primary school books!


it was like she had this plan.. for the first 5 minutes she just sat with me and tld me to breathe, i wasnt ill, im just panicking e.t.c e.t.c. then for the next 5 minutes took my mind off it.. then the next 5 minutes talked to me about why i got this way and what i can do to help it not happen again. she's amazing and i'm never ever going to be able to thank her enough.


i know why i panicked though, i've got so many decisions to make recently, about university, family, career path, anti-d's e.tc e.t.c e.t.c the stress just got too much.


on monday i'm calling the doctor to get back on citalopram. i really need it right now. i'm hoping the psychiatrist nurse will be willing to see me soon because i really need some hope/motivation/strength of some kind.


sorry to ramble ... i just really need to talk ... i'm scared of it happening again if i don't be careful.


Jen xxxxxxxxx