Has v* affected your emetophobia?

[supernovaa]

That title probably sounds silly but I can't think of a better way to phrase it. Anyway. Hey everyone. I’ve been lurking around here for a while but I haven’t posted much. I’m also a long-time sufferer of emetophobia – probably 12 years? I just had a general question about how your emetophobia has been affected by instances of v*ing. I got food poisoning over a year ago, and I v*d for the first time in ten years. It wasn’t fun, but at the end of the day I almost felt liberated. I didn’t think I was cured, exactly, but I thought things would get easier, since it was the only instance that I’ve actually v*d in my adult life and I lived through it. I had this mentality for about a week. Right after finals I flew home on an airplane (a major, MAJOR cause of panic attacks for me on a normal day), and I wasn’t even nervous. But I swear, not even a week later, I was back to my usual levels of anxiety, about motion travel, about the way food is prepared, about sickness, about everything. Now I think my emetophobia is worse than ever.

So, my question to y’all: have you v*d while being emetophobic? If so, did it affect your phobia, for better or for worse, or do you feel the exact same?

Just curious about everyone's different experiences with emet.

[anxiousinmi]

I have had a sv with v 3 times in the past 18 years (I am 35 in May).....before that I had gone from age 7 to 17 without v*......in my experience it has not helped me at all, nor has taking care of my sick children or children in my class. I often question exposure therapy for myself because I have been exposed and it only causes me to see that it is a valid fear and makes me more fearful.

[DeadxxInside92]

I vomited this past summer and I knew it was going to happen because I felt so terrible. It was a reaction to a medication I took and I was flipping out, nibbling on things and sipping water. Then all of a sudden, I just felt the walls of my stomach spasm and before I knew it, it was over. I was crying only because I was embarrassed--my best friend at the time was there. We were in her room but she was really sweet about it. She didn't even flinch when I vomited!! She has like an iron stomach or something... Anyways, after the fact, I was kind of scared it was going to happen again but I realized it wasn't bad AT ALL. However, I don't eat blueberries anymore...lol

Several weeks later, I moved in with my grandmother and took the role of her caretaker. It was very stressful and I was anxiety ridden every single night. I was alone in that house all the time except for my grandmother who saw people who were never there every night. She called out to my dead grandfather and had conversations with him. I was so terrified because she was in such horrible shape that my biggest fear was her passing away on my watch. I had panic attacks every night and the emetophobia came back full force at that point. One night, I felt so nauseous, and after exhausting every possible option to calm myself, I leaned over the window putting pressure on my abdomen and took a few sharp breaths. I began dry heaving and I couldn't stop at all. I did it for hours and my chest got really tight. One of the worst nights of my life...my boyfriend and friend took me to the emergency room. That was more terrifying than the previous vomiting episode because I could NOT stop and it brought no relief because I wasn't emptying my stomach. Ugh it was a terrifying experience. I still have dry heaving episodes every now and then when I am particularly anxious. I force the retching but then, once I start, it's unlikely that I'll stop. That being said, when I am in better control of keeping my anxiety at bay, this fear is much more manageable. I always try to go back to that summer night when it happened and I just try telling myself it wasn't bad and I got through it. It still scares me though. I agree with everyone else that the anticipation of waiting for it to happen is much worse--like waiting to be sentenced to the guillotine. Anyways, I know I can deal with it if it does happen. What I need to work on is dealing with others when they vomit.

[JellyBn83]

I feel the same way...the waiting for the v* is just plain awful...but I know when/if it does happen, I am ok. I will make it through it. But that waiting, oh god, the waiting is awful!!! I also need to work on seeing it happen as well.

[kellybeth]

I hadnt vomited for 16 years then about 4 years ago I got some kind of bug and vomited once. I think that acutally vomiting made my fear worse. I had gone so long without getting sick that I was starting to feel like I was never going to . But then after I did get sick I felt like if I got sick one time then I would get sick more often. But I only got sick that one time and that was about 4 years ago or so. So I would say it made my phobia worse at first but now it is back to where it was.

[gumdropper1]

I threw up after two years of emetophobia. My first thought was that it wasn't so bad and that I had been worried for two years about nothing. But later that day, my emetophobia was back, and within a month, it was worse than ever.

[jptk]

I threw up a few weeks back from a sv*, made my phobia worse than it has been in years.

[supernovaa]

I agree with everyone that waiting is definitely the worst part. The actual vomiting is awful but even that I might be able to deal with, it's the nausea that's the worst.

[Orchid]

I have not gotten sick since I became phobic of doing so myself. I have been extremely nauseated and completely panicking but am able to hold it back I guess. I really think for me and maybe most people that the fear is based on underlying emotions that have to be recognized and dealt with. I have yet to recognize them and deal with them but am ready to try-just need to figure out how.

But that's interesting that getting sick doesn't cure the phobia for most people.

[DeadxxInside92]

Yeah, it's unfortunate that it doesn't cure people. If it did, I would most likely force myself to vomit every now and then.. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way :/

[summerdazies]

I have been emetophobic at least since I was 7 and possibly since I was 5 (I remember I stopped eating meat because I was afraid it would give me food poisoning). The last time I vomited I was 9 years old; it was November 25, 2000.

(MAY BE GRAPHIC)

I had a stomach virus. I remember waking up at 5 in the morning, feeling strange, my ear felt weird. I got up and basically started being sick into my hands, some got onto the floor (there's still a stain on the carpet in my house, it doesn't bother me now but boy did it used to). I went downstairs and told my mom who was awake (she used to get up really early) and then I got sick again into a trash can. I stayed home that day with a bowl and a blanket (threw up a few more times).

(END POSSIBLY GRAPHIC SECTION)

No one else in my family got the virus. I was fine the next day, just on a bland diet. I just remember thinking "that wasn't so bad." I thought I was cured of my phobia. But as time passed I forgot what it actually felt like, and I got scared again. Haven't vomited since and I am now 20 years old.

[jptk]

I threw up a few weeks back from a sv*, made my phobia worse than it has been in years.

In fact, my phobia was almost immediately worse after v*. I remember being calm for 15mins or so, then started panicing about it happening again. Have had a panic attack every day since. Piece of sh1t phobia

[cloughie]

I was sick and it made me worse even though i realised that it wasn't that bad yet i can't get that message into my brain.

[Orchid]

I can totally see how it would make the phobia worse. There were times when I really thought I was going to be sick and I wouldn't be able to control it. Deep down I thought, 'ok, this won't be as bad as you are fearing'. But then it goes away and I'm totally freaking out about why I felt sick in the first place and when will it happen again. So I can see that if I did get sick, I'd probably feel that way-that it wasn't as scary. But I'd be afraid of it happening again because if it could happen, it will happen again and you won't be able to control it.

Do you think it's a control thing? (this is for everyone to answer who reads this). What do you think are the emotions behind your fear?

[supernovaa]

I absolutely think it's a control issue. I've heard that emetophobes traditionally have a more internal locus of control (which makes sense for me, personally - there are a lot of other times when I feel anxious when I'm not in control of a situation, which is why I hate flying so much, for example). I mean, for me this phobia started with a traumatic experience I had when I was eight, but I definitely think what's hindering me from getting over it is that I can't come to terms with the fact that sickness just happens. I obsessively monitor what I eat, how often I clean, how much I expose myself to people who are potentially sick... I guess I think the minute I let my guard down, I'll get sick, and I want to have done everything in my power to prevent that. This phobia is so exhausting.

[DeadxxInside92]

I also agree that it's definitely a control issue. I, myself, am a control freak and I always feel incredibly uncomfortable when I feel I don't have any control of the situation. To add to that, my experience is proof that my emetophobia is certainly magnified whenever I'm really stressed out. When I feel decent, my emetophobia doesn't affect me as much. It's just a matter of doing what I can to bring my stress levels down. Unfortunately, that's a bit easier said than done.

[hairyfairy]

I think that I`ve always been a bit emetophobic, even as a small child, but I didn`t think that it was possible to prevent it. I used to binge drink, & sometimes vted as a result, but it didn`t seem so bad when I was drunk. Then one day in january 1997, I had a terrible hangover from drinking too much vodka, & was ill all day. At one point I was bringing up stuff that looked like coffee grounds, I was really scared as I knew that meant that I`d relly damaged my stomach lining. I spent a few hours wondering if I should go to A&E, but I felt better by midnight, so I didn`t bother, but every time that I`ve felt the slightest nausea, remember that scary experience, & I`mdetermined not to let it happen again.

[Orchid]

I think I've always been emetophobic too, just not realizing it. I think from an early age I had to develop coping mechanisms to deal with losses in my life. I think I became very much a control freak(mostly of myself, my environment, and how my body felt). I remember when I was like 5 I didn't want to hug people, my family. I would just shake hands. I think my family might have thought this was cute but there's something wrong when a child that small feels like they can't hug people. I still have a hard time 'wanting' to hug people-mostly those I'm close to. Maybe a vulnerabiltiy thing??

But I wonder about this sense of control we feel we need to have. Does that mean that if we take control of our life, all aspects, that our phobia will subside? Or do we need to let go of the control? I, myself like to take control of things, makes me feel good I guess. Maybe it's the emotions behind that control. I'm sure that's what it is. Anyway, the emetophobia recovery system should be arriving this week, maybe today and I'm anxious to start looking into it. But I think I also need to work on my panic attacks as a separate thing. So we'll see. I've quit working for now so I can focus on it.

[hell0kitty]

I've been emetophobic for as long as I can remember (I'm 22 now) and for a while I hadn't v*d in like 10 years. When I was 18 I was prescribed antibiotics for an ear infection. I was supposed to take them twice a day for a week. After I picked them up from Walgreen's, I ate dinner, took a pill, and went to bed. Woke up in the middle of the night with that horrible feeling and began to panic. Somehow I knew it was different from all the other times I panic thinking I'm going to v*. I knew it was going to happen. I went into the bathroom, sat next to the toilet, and it happened. And it wasn't awful! I didn't cry and it didn't even last that long. I went upstairs and woke my mom up to tell her. She made sure I was okay and told me it was the antibiotics. Later that week I ended up in the hospital and my doctor told me I should have never been prescribed those antibiotics because they're so strong and make many people v*. Needless to say I was not happy about that. After it happened, for a week I felt so much better. I felt like my phobia was gone. And then it seemed that I went back to the way I was before.

Then, one day after work, I went out for drinks with a girlfriend. After two drinks, I felt absolutely horrible. I mean, drunk. So drunk I knew I couldn't drive home. I called my boyfriend and he met us at the bar. He ordered us some food to try and help. My friend v*d in the bathroom. I felt fine, just so drunk and confused as to why I would be feeling this way after only two drinks. My boyfriend called my parents, they picked up my car, and we proceeded to drive my friend home. He got us into the car and I felt really tired so leaned my head back on the seat. Then I felt like I blacked out or fell asleep or something. The next thing I know, I wake up and I'm v*ing all over the inside of his truck. I immediately started bawling my eyes out because besides being terrified of the actual act, I was horrified of doing it in front of anyone, let alone my boyfriend. He pulls over and gets me out of the truck and cleans me up and I cried the whole way home, and for hours afterwards. I later learned it seems almost for sure that someone drugged me and my friend. Since then I've learned that v*ing while you're drunk isn't as bad as when you're just sick but the phobia seems to come back either way for me- which is the absolute worst knowing that no matter what, it still remains a huge part of my life.

[some.girl]

I've been emetophobic for as long as I can remember (I'm 22 now) and for a while I hadn't v*d in like 10 years. When I was 18 I was prescribed antibiotics for an ear infection. I was supposed to take them twice a day for a week. After I picked them up from Walgreen's, I ate dinner, took a pill, and went to bed. Woke up in the middle of the night with that horrible feeling and began to panic. Somehow I knew it was different from all the other times I panic thinking I'm going to v*. I knew it was going to happen. I went into the bathroom, sat next to the toilet, and it happened. And it wasn't awful! I didn't cry and it didn't even last that long. I went upstairs and woke my mom up to tell her. She made sure I was okay and told me it was the antibiotics. Later that week I ended up in the hospital and my doctor told me I should have never been prescribed those antibiotics because they're so strong and make many people v*. Needless to say I was not happy about that. After it happened, for a week I felt so much better. I felt like my phobia was gone. And then it seemed that I went back to the way I was before.

Then, one day after work, I went out for drinks with a girlfriend. After two drinks, I felt absolutely horrible. I mean, drunk. So drunk I knew I couldn't drive home. I called my boyfriend and he met us at the bar. He ordered us some food to try and help. My friend v*d in the bathroom. I felt fine, just so drunk and confused as to why I would be feeling this way after only two drinks. My boyfriend called my parents, they picked up my car, and we proceeded to drive my friend home. He got us into the car and I felt really tired so leaned my head back on the seat. Then I felt like I blacked out or fell asleep or something. The next thing I know, I wake up and I'm v*ing all over the inside of his truck. I immediately started bawling my eyes out because besides being terrified of the actual act, I was horrified of doing it in front of anyone, let alone my boyfriend. He pulls over and gets me out of the truck and cleans me up and I cried the whole way home, and for hours afterwards. I later learned it seems almost for sure that someone drugged me and my friend. Since then I've learned that v*ing while you're drunk isn't as bad as when you're just sick but the phobia seems to come back either way for me- which is the absolute worst knowing that no matter what, it still remains a huge part of my life.

Could you please tell the name of that antibiotic?

My story: The last time I v* I was 4. I remember v* coming out of my nose and being terrified, immediately after that I still felt n* and afraid it would never stop. Later when I was 23 I was in class and suddenly had to run to the bathroom because of d*, I thought it was just IBS, but then I started retching, tried to accept in my head that it was really going to happen, grabbed the sink with both hands and as the retching became stronger I blacked out, I suppose because of the shock I sort of passed out.

[LozzahPozzahWozzah9498]

I haven't vomited in a few years, but today in class, I heard someone was sick on the English landing, and I felt my heart racing. Everyday at school, I try not to touch anything, because I'm worried it's infected, and I steer clear of the toilets and the Medical Room. My friends all tease me about my phobia, however it has made a huge terrible impact in my life. I think before, my dad was throwing up in the toilet, and I threw my fingers in my ears, nearly having a panic attack. I always have it niggling in my mind, the last time I was sick, I thought I'd get over it. But no, it came back with a BANG... and ever since July last year, it's been horrendous.

(Maybe abit Graphic...)
We were on the way home from a theme park trip on a coach, and everyone had sick bags, feeling totally sick, heads in them... I was starting to panic, having my eyes shut on my friends shoulder. Then I heard people starting screaming EW! And turned my head to see one of my best friends completely covered in sick, my other friends surrounding her full of it too... I remember feeling a swell of complete anxiety fly over me, my friend giving me her Ipod, I was having a panic attack, everyone looking at me like I was a complete lunatic, starting crying putting my head on my friends lap... All my friends frozen, full of the sick, it was full of drama and I've had to become open about having a phobia of it now... I have avoided going on trips incase this happens again.

Even when someone feels sick, I have to move away from them, it has got REALLY bad, my mum has said I need to get it sorted, but I don't know how to. I have had emetophobia since I was around 5 years old. I remember it was because my sister had been being sick for a few days, and I had just hadf a sausage butty. My mum was ill also, being sick and having the runs. I remember feeling completely full, and a whirl of illness flying over me, causing me to start running, and I was sick all over the place, every single step going up the stairs. I was sick around 21 times that day. If you add 5 to that every single time I was sick, it was even more. This is what has triggered my phobia.

So yes, I have vomited while being emetophobic, but my phobia wasn't REALLY extreme like it is now, and when I was sick, it went away for a while but came back with a bang, and has struck me ever since. xxx

[T's Mommy]

I usually feel so much better afterward (was sick about 11 months ago) and think "oh that wasn't so bad" but as time goes by the phobia comes back. So it is a temporary relief for me after it happens.

[seastar]

About two years ago, maybe a little less then that, I was but on luvox for my OCD. and I took it for a few days and I felt fine but I couldn't sleep at all on it. I felt like a zombie, so my doctor told me to take it early in the morning instead of at night, so I took it at like 3-4am and i ate some with it. About 30 minutes later I could feel my stomach growling, like I was hungry. I even felt weak and had a head like I hadn't eaten in hours. I knew I was hungry though. The growling got worst and then I started having hot flashes then i'd be freezing. That went on for like 10 minutes and I just knew I was going to be sick. I got up and started dry heaving. I ran to the bathroom and dry heaved some more. I was shaking, I wasn't crying, but I had tears rolling down my face. I never got sick, but that whole experienced made me feel a little better about my emetophobia. I wasn't as scared.

I was actually doing pretty well after that, up until my 19th birthday last year. I had a bonfire with a few friends and one friend brought her boyfriend. He had taken pills before coming, and he had some drama happen before he came and he got sick right next to me pretty much. I FREAKED OUT. I was shaking, and acting really weird. I demanded my friends to take me home (it was in a field behind my house, but it was a far walk so they drove me back) and ever since then my phobia got worst again.

[claudann]

I v* last year and felt really good about things afterward. I had taken promethazine, so I didn't have nausea right before I v*. I just woke up and knew without a doubt I had to do it and I did. It was yucky, but not nearly as bad as i'd remembered. (It had been about 15 years since I had v*.) I was even home alone when it happened. I was so proud of myself. My emet subsided to very low levels for a few months, but then it came back just as before. Ugh.

[PhoenyxAngel]

I likely became emet. around the age of 7. Since then I have gotten sick about 5-6 times. I am now 23. I can tell you that each time I have gotten sick, it hasn't made the slightest difference for my emetophobia. Nothing changed for me. Each time after it happened I was horrified by it. I envy those who are able to do it and are able to get over their fear that way. But for me it just didn't work out that way.