What bothers me the most.

[lizzo]

Here's the thing.

The anxiety, the panic attacks, the depression, I can live with.

What bothers me the most is knowing that I have no control over v*, no matter how many anti-emetics I take.

I'm ok with living in fear, i'm not okay with v*. I don't even know if it's a phobia anymore or just a very strong aversion.

[sunnyskies]

I'm ok with living in fear, i'm not okay with v*.

That's exactly how I feel and have been feeling strongly a lot lately.

When fear becomes such a way of life it isn't really that scary at some point. It's weirdly comforting or normal in some way and you just cope with it. And it is the thing that you can control fairly often if you try.

V* you can't control and that's the thing I'm most disturbed and haunted by. The anxieties about everything else is just whatever but it's v* I don't know that I can handle or live with. I used to think I could but now I'm unsure.

[KaydeeJayde]

It's the anxiety that's telling you that you can't deal with not being able to control vomit. If you didn't have the fear/phobia, it wouldn't bother you. I always think to myself "If I didn't have this phobia, would I be thinking like this?" and if the answer is "no" then I do my best to block out, relax and then address the thoughts. It always makes things a little easier for me to process.

EDIT: This made a lot of sense to me in my head, but I'm not sure how much sense it'll make to others. Hopefully someone gets something out of it.

[laitka]

KaydeeJayde .... that made perfect sense to me because I do that too It's hard but by forcing myself to change the behaviour it starts to take the fear out of it.

[PhoenyxAngel]

I'm ok with living in fear, i'm not okay with v*.

That's exactly how I feel and have been feeling strongly a lot lately.

When fear becomes such a way of life it isn't really that scary at some point. It's weirdly comforting or normal in some way and you just cope with it. And it is the thing that you can control fairly often if you try.

I think you summed it up perfectly. I've lived with this all my life....it's kinda all I really know. I've come to terms with my fear and I cope with it to the point that it doesn't really affect my life in such a way that I really need to change. I've made my emet a strange comfort for myself....knowing that my fear of getting sick actually prevents me from getting sick by practicing good hygiene and staying away from sick people, etc. It's actually normal to me.

So when people try to tell me that it's not normal and that I need to change....it's kind of insulting to me. It's a part of my life and I'm okay with it. It may be abnormal to others, but it's normal to me.

Edit:
@KaydeeJayde: Don't worry, your post made sense. lol.

[randall3329]

I kinda feel the oppisite. I have not v for a very lomg time, and even though it petrifies me, i know that the day it happens i will survive, i may cry and panic but ill live. However the anxiety, the waiting and "what ifs" make my life unbearable somedays.

[tallgirl]

I've been emet for a long time now, far longer than I haven't, as much as I hate it, I'm a bit worried about what life would be like to not be scared anymore. :-( I'd like to hope that I'd be happy just knowing I can control the anxiety when I get anxious rather than letting it consume so much of my time and energy.

[hairyfairy]

I haven`t found it very difficult to control vting, all I do is not drink to much, & try to be careful with hygiene when using public bathrooms. I don`t understand why most people think that vting is inevitable.

[heydani]

Yeah i agree, its the 'what if' factor that bugs me. every day i wake up and i say, is this the day ? Will this be the day i lose control ? but yet, i still say that id rather live in constant fear every day than v*.