Losing the battle?

[pretendworld_]

I don't know if anyone else feels like this but just thought I'd put it out there. I've had a rough few months with feeling n* from a sinus infection and acid reflux etc...and 99% of the time I logically know that's the reason I feel n* and that I won't v*. But a part of me is trying to fight so hard not to ''break the streak'' because I feel like v* would mean some kind of failure. I'm not out to set some crazy record, I don't mean it like that...but I somehow equate v* to a sense of my body not being able to deal with things? I bet that doesn't even make sense. Almost as if I would resent my body for v* even though I know it's perfectly normal and people do it all the time. I also fear that doing IT means that it would happen more often...which there's no reason to suggest that...but I've come so close to doing IT, that I feel like my body is going to try and make it happen more often. I look at my parents who NEVER v*, never feel n* or anything and they just go about their day like everything is perfect...but I'm a twisted mess most of the time. I'm like a huge blob of anxiety...just sitting around waiting to v*.

[heydani]

I know how exactly how you feel, I used to think like this. However, I realized the reason our parents dont ever get n* or d* is because they arent petrified of vomiting ! And since they arent scared of it, they dont have anxiety like we do. Try to find some coping mechanisms for the anxiety, I know its hard. :/

[JellyBn83]

I always think the same thing. My mother NEVER got sick from when my sister and I had the sv* or anything! But now a days, I hear about everyone getting it from their kids. My mother has not gotten sick...ever since I have been alive! She never even got sick from being pregnant. I know in 2009, I battled with what I think was the sv*. I was already for it to happen, but I talked myself out of it and never did. But it was purly from a sv* and not from anxiety as I was FINE before this and never even really gave it another thought. Now, these last two months have been awful!!!!

[jkl81]

I don't know if anyone else feels like this but just thought I'd put it out there. I've had a rough few months with feeling n* from a sinus infection and acid reflux etc...and 99% of the time I logically know that's the reason I feel n* and that I won't v*. But a part of me is trying to fight so hard not to ''break the streak'' because I feel like v* would mean some kind of failure. I'm not out to set some crazy record, I don't mean it like that...but I somehow equate v* to a sense of my body not being able to deal with things? I bet that doesn't even make sense. Almost as if I would resent my body for v* even though I know it's perfectly normal and people do it all the time. I also fear that doing IT means that it would happen more often...which there's no reason to suggest that...but I've come so close to doing IT, that I feel like my body is going to try and make it happen more often. I look at my parents who NEVER v*, never feel n* or anything and they just go about their day like everything is perfect...but I'm a twisted mess most of the time. I'm like a huge blob of anxiety...just sitting around waiting to v*.

Kimberly, I feel exactly the same way, especially like a failure if it happens, humiliated and disgusted with myself.

[hairyfairy]

I`ve always felt very resentful towards my body for vting in the past, & it`s not only a control issue with me, It`s about being vunerable & seeming weak, especially in front of others. I`ve learnt that it`s a mistake to show weakness because people will take advantage of me & feel contempt for me. I`m always scared that should I v in public, people will think I`m disgusting & a wimp as well.