Helllooo its taken me about a week to work out how to post on this thing hahah. However, here we go.. i just thought someone could maybe shed a few wise words on my situation, and maybe share some of there own!

Basically i was completely fine, nerve wise, pretty chilled out until last year when i was randomly hit by a panic attack (i didn't know what it was at the time, i just thought i was going to be severely sick) and ever since i've not been the same. After this first one, they continued to come for about 3 months ? ish.. it was at the same time as my final project at uni, so i think thats why. But i'm usually pretty chilled out so it shocked me! Plus i hadn't really ever felt sick before properly due to anything but a hangover, so it was a scary one!

Now a year later, i'm petrified. I feel queazy, constantly on edge scanning my body all the time, bloated, heartburn or get uncomfortable cramps and pains every day. Always being nervous about some sort of feeling in my body. Never actually leading to me being sick. I've lost two stone, from fear i'll be sick from eating, and eating sickly foods.. silly stuff like that! I've lived by myself away from home (i'm 18) for 2 years now, home isn't too far, (hour and a half) so i go home quite a bit.. But when i go back my symptoms are dramatically reduced. I think i'm just scared i'll be ill alone! In a different country from my mum.. As silly as it sounds.

Theres obviously a lot more to it but i don't want to bore you.

Anyway, every time some event happens, i tend to get "ill" (or so i think i'm ill).. which i think is my underlining panic of being ill, therefore making me ill, if that makes sense...This weekend coming, there's a kind of all night rave that all my mates and i have planned on going to..(its 3 hours away, and will have to spend the night.. even though we'll be going to bed at like 10 in the morning. Which is easy for my wasted friends, but not as easy for me) but i'm having my doubts.
I do want to go, but the fear of annoying my friends with my complaining/prospect of being ill or panicking then being stuck in the middle of nowhere surrounded by a bunch of people off there faces. I feel like this phobia is sucking the fun out of me. So any ideas how to maybe get over it step by step/ relaxation techniques/ just any suggestions like that really. Perhaps some of you can relate ? At the end of my tether just want to feel like my old chilled out fun loving self again!!!

Thanks for giving me the time to read!