Am i actually afraid to vomit? Or is it what i'm afraid of what will happen?

[Amber Rose]

According to my counciler, i have a phobia of throwing up, if i get sick, a belly ache, even nausea i quickly think that i might throw up, or if i have a gas bubble or heartburn. If i feel like poop, i think that it might have to do with me wanting to throw up. And when i feel like gagging, or i accidentally burp and throw up in my mouth, i get an adrenaline rush. But when i stop to think about it, at school, i wouldn't care as much if i was to be sick because i could go home and my grandmother or her boyfriend could take care of me. But when i get home and think about it, i get terrified.

Now in my life, i have no idea what gave me this fear, i tell my counciler that i don't know what I'm so frightened of, is it the feeling of it going up? Or the nasty chunky taste and feeling in my mouth? I'm not sure.

Ever since i was a kid, i would feel normal after throwing up, but i think this what made my fear in the climax.

At age 5 or 6, I went to the park, ran around a lot, then i was extremely thirsty and out of breath. I chugged down some kool-aid then i went to bed. Later that night, i had the sudden urge to vomit. Which i did. Then i went to my mom's room and went on her bed saying how i threw up once yet i felt fine. She ignored me putting me back in bed. The next morning i was throwing up like a dog. My stomach was in so much pain, my mouth taste foul and i couldn't stop throwing up.

Now, before in the past, i wouldn't vomit that much. I once remember waking up feeling ill, i left the house with my mom to pick someone up, when i returned i try to eat some cereal but when i was about to swallow my body didn't let me and i gagged it upwards. Then my Grandfather who was visiting my mother put a bucket out for me. I was watching TV enjoying the moment trying to ignore my stomach ache. I went to the bucket, looked at it then went back to watching TV. I got bored again and went to the bucket then threw up. I even surprised myself. I don't remember much more, i was young. I'm turning 14 soon.

Another time i was at school, i felt sick all day then before i left, i vomited in my mouth. I pointed and pointed, the teacher said. "What's wrong Amber?" Then i kept pointing, they didn't understand so i let a bit of the vomit out on my mittens. The teacher flipped out on my screaming. "Oh my god!" then lead me to the bathroom where i threw up. I had to stay after school because i guess the teacher's didn't want me to leave. They called my grandmother who picked me up. I had no idea why they did that, and why they kept a bucket beside me when i kept saying i felt fine, and i felt better. I even starting running around to prove it, but they ignored me and still called G-mom.

But now when I'm at school, and i felt sick all day. At home i get frightened that i will throw up.

And also one time this summer, i got a bad belly ache. And i was scared to wake my grandma and her boyfriend up to tell them that so i almost went the whole night crying my eyes out because of the nausea.

So really, am i scared of vomiting? Or just what might happen?

(btw i haven't gotten sick in 9 years)

[andySIW]

hmm, your story is a tricky one because it's not linear. It doesn't go: fine, fine, incident, bad, bad, bad.

From what I can see from this story, mine and a few others, is that whenever, as children, we experience vomiting (either first hand or second hand) and it's surrounded by drama... the phobia takes residence.

As for what you're afraid of... that's a deep question and one idea which most people don't address is the factor of time. You're/we're afraid (like with all fears) of the moments before a hypothetical incident. Fear intensity increasing the closer we get. But note that it's pretty much impossible to feel fear when the actual 'thing' is happening. And then it has passed and is forever gone - well, unless we decide to relive it over and over. But even so it's literally gone.

If I were to give advice on this (and one must do such a thing cautiously), it would be that in the hypothetical case where you feel sick again, don't tell anyone, calmly deal with it yourself (where possible), and afterwards, return back to calm and allow new programming/neural paths to sink in. If you alert someone who is a bit of a drama, then it's maybe likely they'll reinforce current patterns of histeria.

Good luck

[gumdropper1]

Welcome, Amber. Yes, you really are afraid of puking. I think you're OK with what happens afterward. To put it in perspective, all the puking you remember was at about age 5. You've gotten through some of the most vomity years without it happening. I think you can go a long time without it ever happening. The question is how much mental anguish do you want to spend on it.

You might be interested in reading the Emetophobia FAQ, which I wrote. It is here: http://emetophobia.byethost15.com

Doug

[mrobinson84]

what hard age you're at being an emet honey. I remember being that age and almost always freaking out...not being able to stay the night anywhere because anxiety would cause n* regardless of wether or not I was sick, or I would freak out all night wondering if someone else was going to wake up in the middle of the night v*ing.

You have gotten through a lot of the sickly years, like was posted earlier. You should be on your uphill now with contracting a lot of uncontrollable germs because your body is building up that immunity. Just make sure to wash your hands well and pay attention to how your body reacts to that "adrenaline rush" you get that jump starts the panic.

Your question about fear. I'm still trying to answer that myself. If you figure out a way to answer it, let the forum know