Wow, I was amazed after finding this site, makes me feel alot less weird, and after reading other peoples stories, finding others that may be even more extream than myself! Its just like when I started going to AA....an emet thats also an alcoholic? Dont you know what alcohol makes you do! Yeah....
I think my emet started when I was 11(Im 23 now). I wouldnt find out untill I was older of course that it was panic attacks that I was having....I lived with my aunt at the time, and had a cousin who was bulimic. I hated eating dinner, because it was my job to clear off the table, and that ment being close to the bathroom. I would feel so sick after eating dinner as it was, and would get hot flashes and my mind would race. It got to the point I started skipping dinner as often as possible. When I was 13, i remember a kid who got sick at the doorway, the freakin doorway of all places of our class, and after class we had to step around it...I remember looking at the ceiling and leepingover it and running down the hall. By the time I was 14, I ate as little as possible. By then, I was thrown from 2 different homes, so when I was 15 and my school counslor found out about that and drugs, and made me go to rehab, they just thought I was depressed.
When I was 16 is when the panic attacks started really bad, to where they were all day long. I remember sitting in 3rd period english class, and this chick said she felt sick to the teacher, and I got flushed, my heart raced, I felt hot, and oh so sick. When I told my therapist what was up, I got put on anti-anxiety meds, which only made my drug addiction worse. Because I would pop them first to get high, and then to get rid of the sick feeling, I would eat at the least 10 of them a day. Then, I discovered Pepto-Bismol, which I carried with me everywhere. Instead of water, I took the xanax or klonies with Pepto. My friends used to make so much fun of me cause of it. I went to a stomach doctor, who prescribed pills for gastrionitis, and refused to have him stick the tube down my throat into my stomach to see what was really wrong. I figured it was just from all the pills, and other drugs I took.
I skipped as much school as possible, to the point I had to not go anymore, and get my GED. Around 19, for some reason, after high school, the daily anxiety stopped. I still kept the same rules though, as alot of my friends and sister got pregnant I refused to be around them, always kept Purell in my purse, stayed away from overly drunk people or anyone using opiates, kissed boyfriends as little as possible, checked food labels or didnt eat anything open for more than a day, ran from anyone who even had a cough, avoided young children, didnt go to carnivals or theme parks.
When I was 21 and moved from Chicago to Florida, I started using drugs and alcohol alot more, and picked up smoking again. By the time I was 22 my life was going to hell in terms of substance abuse. I wasnt your typical user though, because I always made sure before a night of binge drinking and using, to eat the just right amount of food, because you know how alcohol is on an empty stomach. I think in the point of view of my using, emet actually made it worse, because I knew by then no matter what I wouldnt let myself be sick, so I could drink or use as much as I wanted. I always had a "lookout buddie" though, at the bars and clubs. If they saw any *V* on the floor or someone who looked sick, they would warn me so I could avoid it (my best friend was really good at it, and very understanding). And when I was drunk or high, the emet was lessened, because I was so intoxicated I didnt really care or understand what was going on most the time.
So 5 months ago I went to rehab and got clean. Rehab wasnt so scary, untill 4 days in they brought in a heroin addi
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