Hi, my name is Susan and I'm forty years old. I have high-functioning autism and I'm single with two cats. I don't have a job, so I'm on disability. I'm a late child. When I was born, my mom was 44 and my dad was 51. My brother Steve was 21, my sister Rhonda was 19, and my other sister Patty was 12. I have a couple nieces that are a few years younger than I am. I'm fortunate and grateful to have a very loving and supportive family. I was mainstreamed all through school, but it wasn't easy, especially in junior high because bullies picked on me. Well, onto my phobia. I've always been afraid of v-ing, even when I was little. It didn't turn into a phobia until I was about sixteen. In November 1987, I got a bad sv that had me v-ing several times. Soon after that, I'd get panic attacks where I'd feel queasy and my heart would beat fast. I also developed irritable bowel syndrome where I would have spells of d. This lasted off and for several years until December 1993, when I got on Paxil. I was like a miracle drug at first. I didn't obsess about my problems and my IBS hardly bothered me. I moved out into my parents' garage apartment in the summer of 1994. For several years, I was rarely bothered by IBS and panic. My dad died in April 2000. In January 2001, I got a bad case of the sv. It happened in the middle of the night and started out with watery d. I thought at first it was IBS but I also was real n. I went over to Mom's house which my apartment is right behind. I was scared of being alone while feeling sick. Soon, I v-ed into the nearest trash can. Mom came home with me and stayed the rest of the night. I v-ed several more times and had several bouts of d. Things calmed down by the next afternoon. That evening, I had a headache and slight fever. I slept most of the next day and woke up recovered. Soon after recovering, I began having IBS spells and panic attacks again. It's been like this for over eleven years. I've been on Paxil for a long time. Maybe it's not working anymore. It has made me gain a lot of weight. I know I don't eat right. I love junk food and drink lots of Coke and Sprite. I also drink Gatorade. At least I'm getting liquids, even if they're not the best. I tried switching over to Zoloft a few years ago, but I felt panicky and depressed, so I went back to Paxil. Maybe I should try Abilify along with Paxil. I'm obsessed with my bowels. Every time they get the slightest bit messy or loose, I'm afraid it's the start of the sv because the last time it started with d. So far, I haven't had real watery d since then. I never want to have the sv again. I take Pepto Bismol or Nauzene to settle my stomach when it feels nervous. I've taken Lorazepam (generic Ativan) since high school to help with panic attacks. Several years ago, I started taking Promethazine, which generic Phenargen. They do pretty good. I also take ginger pills and Digestive Advantage probiotics. I either take the Intense Bowel Support or Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I love going out to eat and having fast-food takeout, which not many emets do. So, I'm fortunate not to be as severe. However, whenever I hear someone tu or has the sv, I get all scared. Back in 1992 when the first President Bush v-ed in Japan, I said, "Oh, it's going around!" Four years ago, I had a bad time in late July where I had loose bowels off and on for a couple weeks. I started on Digestive Advantage soon after that. Well, I'm looking forward to my family reunion tomorrow. I had take-out from McDonald's today, so I hope I don't catch anything! Things have been tense for the past couple days because my window air conditioner went bad and we looked everywhere for a new one, but they were all sold out because it's late summer. Mom and I went down to Sears today and got a new air conditioner. My brother-in-law and a neighbor put it in for me. I feel much calmer now, but I hope what I've been through doesn't make me get a panic attack. Sometimes when outside tension eases off, I get panicky. It's probably because of the adrenaline putting me into "fight, flight, or freeze" mode. I'm glad I joined this group.

Susan