Intensive Out-Patient Therapy (An Update)

[NCsmile6]

Hey all,


As some of you may know, I have been in this seeminglynever ending battle with my OCD for a couple of years now. It has slowly gotten worse, to the point where now, I have little to no control over it. I have slowly let the OCD consume me, and what little of me is left, as of now, doesn't stand a fighting chance against it.(My old therapist fears I'll eventually become a hermit if I continue to go onat this rate, which, if you know me, is not who I want to be, and certainly not the type of person thatI am [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img].)


Again, as some of you may know, I started seeing an OCD specialist in the spring, and she introduced me to "exposure and response prevention therapy" to combat the OCD. What the therapy does, is it makes me feel the anxiety and discomfort of an obssesion or a compulsion, and slowly through exposing myself to the uncertainty and thetrigger of the anxiety/discomfort, the fear will habituate to where eventually I feel no anxiety from it at all. The therapy has been very challenging, because I am putting myself out there all the time,but it has been working. The thing is, although my progress has been steady, it has been very slow. [img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img]Our insurance suggested that we try Intensive Outpatient Therapy, which is kind of what they would do if I had gone to a treatment center. (I was considering going to a treatment center to treat the OCD this summer before I found the OCD therapist, but the numbers ($$$)proved to be too much- $800 a day for a 6 week stay[img]smileys/smilies_10.gif[/img]--not happening unless I suddenly stumbled upon some goldor married a billionaire,which again, not happening lol.)


So, this more intensive therapy would involve my going to therapy with the OCDtherapistfor 2-3 sessions every week, with each session about 2 hours long. [img]smileys/smilies_10.gif[/img]It's alot, but my therapist seems very optimistic about it. She has done it before, and has been successful in cases more severe than mine.The best part is , that insurance is covering more than half of it!!! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]So not only is itaffordable, but I can do the therapy from home, well not literally, but I won't have to pack my bags and stay at a clinic! My therapist also says that it's an advantage that I took the summer "off," because it will mean more time for therapy. So, hoping this will be a "revolutionary" summer,that's where I stand as of now. I just thought I would update y'all on my progress and what's beengoing on with me. I know this is going to sound stupid, but I am really really scared. Not justof the therapy, but alsoof what lies beyond it. As stupid as it sounds, I'm afraid of a life without OCD, without fear, etc. I feel like it's become a part of me, and sadly, without it, I feel like I wouldn't know who I was anymore. At the same time, I want to be free of it. Does that make sense?But that's another story there, lol. Let's hope that this therapy is the answer and that this time next year, this will all just be a memory, in the past, and over with. [img]smileys/smilies_13.gif[/img]


I thank everyone in advance for reading this, becauseit was probably really boring, and I thank you for your support. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]


Edited by: NCsmile6

[SimplyMe]

That sounds really good, like it will work for you! I'm so happy for you! It sounds like your therapist knows what she's doing which is WONDERFUL lol.


You don't sound stupid! I think that about emet sometiems, as much as I hate it, life w/o it ina sense means a willingness to v* and even if I weren't scared of it I can't see past not being scared (ok that was confusing lol) in any event, I think it's kinda normal to be scared, its somethign new even if it's wonderful it's new. And anythign new has the potential for scariness. I hope I made some sense lol. Anyhow, I'm on yahoo messanger right nwo if ya wanna chat!

[NCsmile6]

Hey Simply!! Thanks so much for your support!Itmeans a lot to me!I understand what you are trying to say, and I'm glad someone else can relate and that I'm not the only one who feels like that. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]


I am on my dad's computer right now, and I don't have Yahoo Messenger on his computer, but I will try to see if I can figure out how to download it, lol! If not, I'll see if the chat room works! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[NCsmile6]

GRRR!!! [img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img]I keep getting an unknown error for the chatroom, and I've entered my password correctly like 6 times! Do you know why this is? [img]smileys/smilies_27.gif[/img]

[SimplyMe]

LOL! I just read this post now so I haven't tried the chatroom. Do you have AIM on your dad's computer? If nto ti's OK, we can catch up later. I am computer illiterate! So as to why the chat isn't working I'm the last person you wanna ask lol!

[NCsmile6]

LOL! No, I don't have AIM on here either. [img]smileys/smilies_29.gif[/img]So it looks like we will have to catch up later! I'm sorry! [img]smileys/smilies_16.gif[/img]I just sent you an e-mail, though!

[giff1949]

Hi Neha,

I had a reply written, but just got kicked off the site. It sounds like you have found a really good therapist and program. I know it is hard to get rid of something that is so familiar to you, but years from now you will look back and be so glad that you had this summer to work through OCD.

I am leaving tomorrow for what could be an emet nightmare but I hope to talk to you when I get back. I will write about it on another post, so we don't get off the subject here.

Debbie

[e-lizabeth]

Hey Neha - how very very brave of you to put yourself out there like this. I am really proud of you and want you to know that I never would have been able to tackle something like thatat your age...you are an extremely intelligent and articulate young woman, and I want you to try really really really hard to let this therapy reach you so that you can develop into the woman that I sense you want to become. I wish you the absolute best and will be looking forward to regular updates.


And I totally understand what you mean about being scared of a life beyond - I went through that too. The fear, the obsessions, as uncomfortable as they are, are familiar and therefore less frightening than the unknown. But the unknown can be great amazing fantastic...so much better than this. And here's a great line to keep in mind that my husband told our 6 year-old daughter last night when she was having anxiety about post-nasal drip (yup, you heard me). He said, as he's said to me many times, "honey, it's just discomfort. Feeling uncomfortable is yucky, but it's not dangerous. It just feels bad." (he's a social worker/therapist who is treating, ironically, an emet client.)

[guineaash]

Your confused feelings over wanting to keep OCD and wanting to rid yourself of it at the same time is actually very normal. I've researched OCD before and it becomes somewhat of a comfort for you, so it's understandable that you would feel uneasy about change. At the same time, you realize how irrational your actions and thoughts are and you want to just feel "normal" again. I really hope this therapy will be successful for you. Good luck and keep us updated!

[2jo2]

Hi Neha,


I know exactly what you're talking about with the being scared of what lies beyond therapy, and I think Simply put it perfectly... that being without emet is like a willingness to v and that's a big problem!!! I know that once we're better we will be accepting that it's a normal body function, but it's scary to think of when we're at the place we are. I'm proud of you for doing the intensive therapy, because it's a scary thing, but I'm so hoping that you can get better! Good luck!

[Jenneh]

GOOD LUCK NEHA!!!!


grab the opportunity with both hands and make the most of it. i'm sure u will but ya know =P


Jen xxx

[swiftette]

I don't think it sounds stupid thatyou're scared. Change IS scary. Even if it is going to better us. But you need this change to save you. Be strong! You are going to be a brand new you-better than ever !!!!And bring us back lots of stories, mabey you can help one of us!(me I hope )

[Galadriel]

Hey Neha!


I agree, change, any change, is scary at first. I know how you feel, because part of you wonders what will be left after the fear is gone. I can tell you that it is one of the most wonderful feelings to have the fear gone, and it is very freeing and you feel as tho you are really beginning to live. I've been overcoming really tough stuff too, and I understand totally your concerns. I know you wonder what will become of you without the OCD running the show and your fears. What will become of you is that you will just feel like a brand new person, and it is a very very VERY good thing! I really hope this therapy helps you, I know you have been struggling a lot with the OCD. OCD is tough, because your mind just seems to have these patterns engrained into it, and its hard, but you have the want to get better, and that is half of it right there, realizing that it is there and that you want it better. If you ever want to talk or email me feel free!

[NCsmile6]

Just an update:


I would like to thank everyone so much for your support, and (I know it sounds cheesy) but I would also like to thank you guys for believing in me. Your posts really touched me, and made me want to fight even harder!


The therapy is tough, but progressing. I feel like I live in my therapist's office! I'm there a total of 6 hours a week! It's very difficult, and we're challenging the OCD head on, not leaving a thing out! I feel a bit overwhelmed at times, because I feel like so much is going on all at once, like we're tackling so many issues at once, and trying to make some real radical changes, which is the point of the therapy after all, but still, when you had been living a certain way for so long it's hard to change...especially if you're me and despise change! And the OCD is not an easy force to fight!


I just had my first session of group therapy today. I met four other wonderful people my age, unfortunately, also withOCD, and we got to share our stories and are going to help each other through this, meeting every other week. I met someone in there who also hasa fear of v*Go figure!


I feel really luckyand blessedthat I have this kind of opportunity in front of me, but I don't feel that I'm taking enough advantage of it. A big part of me (or my OCD really) is still so resistent and stubbornto the treatment, not wanting to change, trying to work around certain exposuresetc. I mean, I want to get rid of the OCD, and lead as normal a life as possiblebutit's like I've been brainwashed by it (the OCD). It's hard toexplain. I guess it's my fear of change, and inability to let go of all things, surprisingly the OCD is included in that. But you would think that if someone was presented with this opportunity, they woulddo everything theycould to take advantage of it. I am trying, but I will need to step it up, big time! A big part of the therapy is feeling the discomfort and letting anxiety toward the trigger habituate. I am a wimp, so any discomfort really bugs me. It took me a while to see that my therapist was actually on my side and not trying to be a bully, and that the real enemy was the OCD.


So I'm making progress, slowly, but it is progress! I just have to wrap myself around the idea that the avoidance behaviors and things I do as a result of the OCD (obssesions and compulsions) instead of preventing myself from feeling any anxiety are actually what causes a lot of my anxiety in the first place!


So, clearly I'm learning a lot about the OCD and about myself. I found out that I am also OCPD, but it is treated the same way as OCD, so I'm in the right place.


Thanks for listening (or reading) to my ramblings.

[sillygirl]

It sounds like my therapist is doing something very similar to yours. I only go once a week, but she made me list out all of my OCD behaviors and she assigns several of them to me each week to work on. I am supposed to do all the things that make me uncomfortable and eventually, get over them. I admitI haven't been "feeling up" to tackling them all the way I am supposed to. I mean, I will do it once, but then stop. I am supposed to keep doing them until I don't feel any anxiety.


I was pretty surprised to learn that it is my OCD that is causing my phobia - I always thought it was the other way around. As soon as I can overcome the OCD, I should be able to rid myself of this phobia.


Last week she explained to me that I need to stop getting reassurance from people, which means I have to stop venting and looking for reassurance here and with my friends and family (that know about my phobia). I am trying not to post about my own anxiety, but I still want to be on here to help other people. Eventually, though, I am going to have to completely back away from this site to overcome my fears. She is also going to start flaming the fire, so to speak, and tring to increase my anxiety to help me even more. I am a little scared of this, but it will come later, after I make some more progress.


I don't mean to take over your post or anything. I just found it interesting how similar our treatments are. I guess that is good and it means we are going to the right people for help. It is just so different from treatment that I have received in the past so I was a little shocked by it.


Good luck to you! I'm sure you will do great, get rid of the OCD and be cured of this awful fear as well.

[sage]

Hey Neha - all the best to you, darlin'...I know you can do it - just hang in there!


We all love ya!

[Jenneh]

wow u talk with such technical terms neha! lol


keep going [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]


Jen xxx

[SimplyMe]

YAY, Neha! I'm so proud/happy for you!

[NCsmile6]

Thank you all again for your support! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]Sage, Simply, thank you! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]


Sillygirl, I alsothink it's really interesting that we are doing the same type of therapy! It's very difficult, isn't it? But you know,we can help each other through it and coach each other when the other doesn't feel up to doing the exposures! I wish you all the best in your treatment, and know that if you need to talk to someone who is going through similar treatment, you can always e-mail me at [email protected] or you can IM me, it's listed in my profile! Good luck to you once again! Let's hope we can crush the OCD and emet! [img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img]


Jen, I am surprised you find my terms technical! LOL! I guess being in the therapists' office for so long each week really makes you familiar with the psychology vernacular. [img]smileys/smilies_32.gif[/img]