Rough Night

[sillygirl]

It's going to be a rough one tonight. To start, I have this weird pain under my ribcage on the right side. It's probably just my dyspepsia, but I of course always worry it is something else. I am not sure if I can take any antacids (like Zantac) with my prenatal vitamins, so I am going to try to tough it out.


On top of that, I am supposed to go see my therapist tomorrow. Last week we made a huge list of all of my OCD tendencies and fears, and rated them on how much anxiety they cause. She gave me five low ones to start off with and one high one. I am supposed to go against my comfort zone and I am scared to death. My high anxiety item is scaring the crap out of me right now. The last time I did this particular thing I thought to myself "It's not like it will make me v* if I do it." Sure enough, the next morning I woke up with a sv. I haven't done it since, so I am really freaking out right now. I know it had nothing to do with me getting the sv, but I am still scared.


Think good thoughts for me!

[r311dude]

Just stay calm. The struggle will be worth it in the end. In a hurricane it's the eye of the storm that is the calmest, the center. You just have to battle your way thru the outter regions of yourself to find your center. You are totally capable of doing it. Our bodies can withstand a lot more than we give it credit for. G'luck with everything. Keep us updated on your situatoin =)

[sillygirl]

Well, the pain went away. I cheated though, and didn't do what I was supposed to. Then when I got up this morning I told myself how stupid it was and that I am never going to get over this and I am just going to waste a bunch of money on therapy if I don't put forth the effort. So, I am going to do it tonight I have decided. I think I will tell my husband too so he can help me through it and try to calm me down when I freak out (because I know I will). I'll keep you posted!

[harmonygirl72]

Can you tell us what "the thing" is? Maybe then we can all tell you how many times we have done "it" without getting sick! Edited by: harmonygirl72

[sillygirl]

It's kind of hard to explain (and kind of embarrassing) but here I go. It's actually an OCD thing. It has absolutely no relation to getting sick. I know for a fact that it will not make me sick - it's actually the absence of doing something.


About 4 or 5 years ago, the last time I had a really bad sv, I went to bed without putting the moisturizer on. As I was laying in bed, I remembered but told myself "oh well, it's not like forgetting to do that will make you v* or anything." The next morning I woke up with a sv. I have since linked the two events together, and absolutely refuse to go to bed without putting moisturizer on. Sometimes I do it more than once just to be sure I did it (if I can't exactly remember) or to make sure I put enough on.


For the first year or so I was so obsessed about it that I actually refused to throw away the empty bottles. I bought new ones, but never threw out the old ones. Instead, I would sort of "pretend" there was still stuff in them. I was finally up to 4 bottles, three of which are empty. When the forth one was empty, I was able to throw it out and replace it, but I still have the three old empty bottles. I have no problem replacing the forth bottle whenever I need to, but I can't let go of the old empty ones. I feel like there is a link even though I know that logically there isn't.


My therapist wanted one of the empty bottles thrown out by my appointment today. I of course waited until the last minute and threw it out last night, after performing my little nightly ritual of moisturizing. I was anxious last night about it, but tonight is going to be really bad since it won't be there at all. I am leaving on vacation on Thursday and she wants all three bottles gone by the time I leave (I told her it would be nice not to have to take them with me so she had me set that as my goal).


So basically, I know that there is no connection, but it is really just a waiting game to prove to myself that not having these bottles will not make me sick. It will be nice to have some extra space in my drawer though!

[swiftette]

You can do it KIm. I used to be convinced that if I did'nt shut the toilet lid b-4 bed, I'd get an sv* .Then one night I said, I'm just gonna try it, andI left the lid open, andI was fine. The one thing that I still can't seem to get past is the movies I watched while sick, I can't even read them on the cable guide without worrying.

[sillygirl]

I have the same thing with movies. I actually have a lot of OCD tendencies. Even my therapist was like "wow, that's quite a list." Most of them involve my morning or nightime routine. But there are quite a few inbetween too. I'm trying to work through them all one at a time now.

[harmonygirl72]

You can do it, sillygirl!! I know you can! Imagine how great you'll feel once you have done it!!! I never put on moisturizer at night and I am fine!! Seriously, though, you can do it. If you want any pep talk/encouragement, I have AIM:harmonygirl1972, Yahoo: harmonygirl72 and MSN: [email protected]


Good luck!!!Edited by: harmonygirl72

[sillygirl]

Well I did (or actually didn't) do my moisturizer thing last night. I was completely panicked all night. I had a hard time falling asleep, so I was awake for a while after I took my vitamin and it upset my stomach. I am still kind of anxious this morning, but that was only one of the three empty bottles. I am supposed to get rid of the other two tonight. [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img] I don't think I can do it yet. I leave for vacation tomorrow, so getting sick tomorrow would be really horrible. I didn't realize this therapy stuff would be so tough!