So, my anxiety has been a bit better over the last couple of weeks. But today it has come back to the extreme. It's the anniversary of a time that I ended up in the ER for a really bad sv* when I was two or three. I don't really remember it, but my mom has told me about it. I know that it's really irrational to think that anniversaries mean anything, but there's a lot of other things contributing to my anxiety. My partner is leaving for the next three days to spend Christmas with family, and she's the only person who understands my phobia and is fully supportive and always reassuring me. I'm just scared to have a panic attack and her be so far away and not be able to comfort me. I'm at work right now and I'm feeling really out of it (I have depersonalization disorder) so that's not out of the ordinary, but my legs are feeling so weak and I feel like I'm going to pass out. I work in a business hotel at the front desk so it's really slow around Christmas time. I'm here for eight more hours and only have about ten check ins for the rest of the shift, so I don't have anything to keep me occupied to keep my mind off the anxiety. Thankfully this site isn't blocked on our computers. I'm just so out of it and scared. And it doesn't help that last night I woke up in the middle of the night n* and in the worst sweat of my life. I took two Zofran and drank some water and I was able to go back to sleep and was fine after that. I took two Zofran and a Klonopin just now, so hopefully that will help me. I just felt like I needed to vent about this.