a little hope and inspiration
Most of all I do not want to preach to anyone but I hope this gives hope to everyone who reads it. If you do read it thanks for taking the time.
The way I see it is that fear of v* is no different from any other phobia. As explained to my by a professional, phobias are a type of anxiety disorder.
The problem is with any phobia that very quickly your whole life becomes centered on avoiding the very thing that you fear, and it overtakes your life. You become consumed with the fear, and it will take the enjoyment out of your life in general, and will stop you living the one short life that you have to the full and leave you feel exhausted and miserable as you quickly become a slave to your fear and it rules you.
As explained to me in order to put an end to all this quite simply you need to take control, you need to control your anxiety rather than it control you, and once you are in control you will feel a weight being lifted from you and you will start to enjoy your life once more, and remember how you used to be before anxiety ruled your life. And I know that it's a liberating feeling.
The thing is avoidance in itself is damaging as in the long term it only serves to feed the anxiety, and it's just not possible to avoid v* altogether, sooner or later you are going to have to face it, whether its someone else or you. And the more you face it (rather than avoid it) the fear will lessen it's grip on you. In other words you have learned to be afraid and now you need to learn not to be afraid.
Avoidance becomes a crutch, I won't do this, or I will do this, all the medication, fear of falling asleep. It all makes you feel better in the short term because you feel you are taking some control and successfully avoiding the thing that you fear, but sadly it is just feeding the anxiety, and it is controlling you because if it wasn't for your anxiety, you would love to go to bed and fall asleep and get a good night's sleep, if it wasn't for your anxiety you would love to go to the party and drink alcohol and so on.
You clean non stop, and if someone is ill this steps up a gear, you wash your hands constantly, sometimes until they bleed, in the desperate hope that you can avoid it.
But in terms of cleaning and hand washing, basic hygiene is sufficient, obviously if someone is ill it is common sense to keep toilets and wash rooms extra clean, and to wash your hands after going to the toilet, before eating. But where do you draw the line, ok so I wash my hands after coming home from the supermarket, but how do I know that somewhere in my shopping there is not a package lurking that may have been contaminated? So what do I do, sanitize everything? That is just over the top, no I just wash my hands before eating, Personally I do not think that it is possible to avoid every possible source of illness, I would have to live in a bubble and I don't want to live in a bubble, I want a normal life that I can enjoy doing what I want to do.
In your own mind you have built the thing that you fear into a monster, something that could harm you, and this is why your flight or fight instinct takes hold of you. To an emetophobe v* becomes the saber tooth tiger.
Personally for me gradual exposure worked best, and it did take time, one incident of v*, or witnessing v* is not enough, although I felt a sense of achievement after each incidence of exposure I found that in time my fear took hold again, as strong as before until I unlocked the vicious cycle of anxiety and stopped building on my fear and feeding the anxiety. But in order to expose yourself to the fear you need to stop practising so much avoidance.
In the short term avoidance may alleviate the feelings of anxiety, but in the long term this does not work. You need to face the fear head on, and you will realise in time, that it is nothing to be afraid of. No one is ever going to suggest that you will enjoy v*, indeed the majority of people would describe it as an unpleasant experience, but usually when your stomach is sickened and you do v* you will usually feel better for it, as it will relieve the feeling of n*and you will consequently feel better.
If you don't believe me consider this, how many emetophobes have actually v* and been somewhat surprised after the event, that it was not nearly as bad as they had imagined it to be? What does that tell you? Well it tells you that in your own mind you have built this into something much bigger than it really is, you have told yourself you must avoid v* (or being around someone who is v* ) at all costs, you tell yourself that you would rather die than v*you have told yourself that v* is something to be feared – the saber toothed tiger.
But why should you fear v*? Sure it's unpleasant, but will it actually harm you? In fact v* is generally your body's way of protecting you from harm. Think about it.
I have spent the majority of my life since childhood as an emetophobe, and I am now 42 years of age,and that's a very long time to be a slave to this fear. I have seen my weight plummet as I have been too afraid to eat normally, and spent the majority of my adult life barely maintaining a healthy weight,(although now I am at last gaining weight and actually enjoying my food) avoiding all sorts of food (although I am still very choosy about eating out and take aways), even being too afraid to eat, and the actual act of eating triggering a panic attack, making it virtually impossible to eat. I have been shaking uncontrollably in another room whilst one of my children have v*, instead of holding and reassuring them. My family have endured the constant 'are you ok' type questions when they are ill, of course always scrutinizing them for signs that I may need to run because they will v*. My life has been limited by this, fear of flying, fear of travelling far from home, a journey becoming an endurance, a means to get to somewhere, rather than enjoying the journey and looking forward to the destination, and of course avoiding medication to treat my anxiety because v* is listed as a side effect (in fact I have never v* from any type of medication, although I have not taken a great deal of medication in my life).
Yes these are some examples of how my life has been ruled by this fear and I hope that this shows to you that I do know what I am talking about because I have been there and am now conquering my fear.
I do take medication to manage my anxiety, I have tried previously to manage my fear without medication, unsuccessfully. But medication alone is not the answer, (I have previously had CBT counselling which I find very helpful in conjunction with medication) I have realised that I was responsible for feeding my anxiety, now I recognise what I am doing and stop it in its tracks. Surprisingly (or maybe not) this puts an end to it, and I am free to get on with whatever I want to do. I feel like a weight has been lifted and remember how I used to feel as a young child before the anxiety took hold. I have turned a corner, and it feels that now the ball is rolling, things can only get better.
The other day my daughter v*, at first I sat there plugging my ears, rocking back and forth (a classic sign of anxiety) whilst my heart pounded. Once she was done, I sat there and thought what the hell am I doing? I must look crazy, and most of all, was that really necessary. I thought not, and although she v* several times more, I did not feel the need to adopt any of my usual tactics,my heart did not miss a beat. Naturally I was concerned for her, and did not like to see her unwell, but that is understandable.
She may have even had a virus, okay so I admit to feeling somewhat anxious over the coming days as to whether I may succumb also,(and had medication on hand) but just when I felt a twinge in my stomach, I felt the anxiety beginning to climb, and just thought, hold on is this necessary? I know I will cope and I don't have any proof that I am ill. Almost immediately I began to feel better and got on with my day. Knowing that I am for once in control.
Likewise I considered the hygiene side of things, how far would I go, I could go crazy, but it is just not possible to sanitize the entire house contents included, one tiny slip and that's enough to fall ill, that's how I considered it. So I bleached and cleaned the toilet well and the surrounding area, after she had used it and made sure she did not prepare food for anyone, and that no one shared drinking or eating utensils, just common sense things really. And got on with it.
Admittedly I have been taking medication for a few months now, and before my daughter got ill recently, I had begun to feel the benefit, a recent shopping trip out of town, a 40 minute journey down the motorway, that would have normally been an endurance, was actually enjoyable, and I actually looked forward during the journey to getting there, rather than sitting there chewing my nails, in a constant state of panic, this was a revelation. So I had been getting better before my daughter got ill, and I guess my daughter getting ill was further proof that I am getting better all the time. I just wish I had started medication years ago, but better late than never. Anxiety has ruled my life for far too long, I have been a slave to it, it's now time to turn that around and start being in control, I don't need to live my life in constant state of fear, it serves no useful purpose. It's time to get out there and start living my life. I am going on holiday in a few months, and the last time we went on holiday it was a nightmare journey there and back, I am just hoping that this time will be different. I am hoping that eventually I can send this fear packing once and for all. Thank you for reading.
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Originally Posted by Greta1074
