What a nutbar I can be at times, especially now. I came back from my mom's, and put my coffee cup down in front of my computer. There was another coffee cup sitting beside it, which is a couple of days old (yuk)from the same coffee shop; the cupare identical.
So while I was checking my email, I grabbed one of the cups, and took a sip, but I didn't swallow. I gagged, realizing that this was the old coffee, and full of mold. I ran to the bathroom, and spit it out into the sink. I than grabbed my bottle of Listerine, gargled full strength, for one minute, three times. Than I brushed my teeth. Than I gargled Listerine again, even though it burned my mouth, from the alcohol content. I was disinfecting my mouth. I felt like gagging from the site of it, and because I almost went into a panic attack. The anxiety was there, as I felt as if I could run around the block 50 times,...all of this adrenaline was surging through my system.
But I stopped, and called 'Teleahealth Ontario', which is a 24 hr help line where you can speak with registered nurses. I was worried that this mold could make me sick, but because I didn't swallow it, I am in the clear. The nurse also told me that I did the right thing to use Listerine and to brush my teeth.
When I was spitting the bad coffee out, and wanted to throw up, to get rid of the 'poison', even if I went in to a panic attack. I wasn't going to fight my stomach.
I gagged! Yippie!!! And I didn't go into a panic attack. I had anxiety, of course, but I didn't loose control. I was more concerned about the bad coffee that was in my mouth, and if that could affect my health. The nurse told me that I should be okay, as I didn't swallow. She did advise me to monitor my mouth, and call them back if I notice any changes, and use my coping skills to deal with my anxiety.
I am amazed because I actually wanted to throw up; it was okay to get sick, I wanted to get rid of anything that could have possibly gone down my throat. I ACCEPTED the fact that I could get sick. And if I feel bad later, I will NOT take any Gravol, because my stomach is trying to help me get rid of 'poison' in my system. I will choose to allow it to happen.
I am happy that I gagged, and accpeted the fact that I might throw up,....I actually welcomed it! I wanted it!
I feel fine, but still a little keyed up, and that's okay too. I just won a battle in the war against my fear. [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]Edited by: sparky2004
Welcome to the International Emetophobia Society | The Web's Largest Meeting Place for People With Emetophobia.
Reply With Quote