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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    United States
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    12

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    Hey guys,


    I just wanted to take the time and talk about how I'm feeling..I know some of you will completely understand, and we're all here for support..right? Anyway, my situation: I'm a sophomore in college. The first semester of freshman year, I lived in the dorms and found out my roomie has some sort of weird allergic reaction to..something. She doesn't know what, but when she has a reaction, she can get really really sick from it. That kinda freaked me out. Heck, I had an anxiety attack driving to college because I was scared to share a room with somebody. Anyway, I was okay first semester..had fun and everything. Then a couple weeks into second semester, I started having depressive episodes. My roommate finally did throw up (in our suite bathroom) I couldn't hear her, but I heard the toilet flushing multiple times and knew that she had gotten sick. I am proud to say that I managed to be sympathetic towards her. Anyway, after that, my anxiety grew increasingly worse. I wasn't comfortable around my roommate anymore because she had gotten sick around me before. I wasn't very comfortable in a classroom setting or the school cafeteria. It got really bad. I'd fall apart every night. I wanted to kill myself. My fear had totally gone out of control and I hardly had a moment where I wasn't thinking something related to emetophobia. I'm sure some of you know just how horrible that is and how fast it gobbles up your entire waking life. I would get so anxious that I couldn't even more, afraid that if I did, I'd do something that would make me sick or I'd go somewhere where somebody would be sick.


    Anyway...to make a long story short, I dropped out of school for that semester and went to live with my parents (who were also in the process of moving from the home i had lived in for 12 years previously). I started seeing a therapist, and he helped me deal with my anxiety a lot better. I picked up some relaxation techniques to deal with anxiety that I could also apply to feeling nauseas. It helped. I was pretty much afraid to travel in a car for any extended period of time (I would always wind up feeling nauseas and then kinda sorta panick) So in May I moved back to the town my school was in with my boyfriend and we have an apartment together here. We were originally going to get a 1 bed/1 bath apartment, but that wasn't going to fly after my freakout. So we're in a 2 bed 2 bath right now. Most of the time he stays with me in the master bedroom but I can send him out if I need the space to myself (or if he gets sick). I've beendealing with it so far, but my health is slowly deteriorating. I don't enjoy the summer weather. I used to have days all the time in the summer when it just felt good to be alive. Guess what? I don't have those anymore. Just about every day I have at least one spell of nausea. For the most part, I eat plenty, sometimes on the side of too much. I've only had one or two anxiety attacks since I've been here..and those were very very mild (I was in control of myselfthe whole time)


    But then I went to visit my parents at my Aunt's farm. My boyfriend and I drove u p after he got off from work and got in rather late. My dad habitually drinks, and when we got there he was staggering and almost spilled his drink several times. So we went up to their room and chatted and then finally got ready to go to bed. Two minutes after my boyfriend and I lay down, my dad started making weird noises and kinda jerking forward. I had never seen my dad throw up before, so I didn't know that he was gagging. He just kept doing it while he was asleep...I was watching everything. Then my mom tried to wake him up and get him to go into the bathroom. At this point, I figured out what was going on and I was lying with my pillow clamped ove

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    2,934

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    I'm sorry your'e having such a rough time. I can relate, I went thru similar situations when I was about 20 yrs old. One thing I try and remind myself of when I feel sick days on end is that I can't really be sick because NO ONE is sick for a month w/o medical attention. Did that make sense? I mean that if I were sick or going to be sick than it would have happened on day 1 or 2 and wouldnt' be ill feeling a week later. Anyhow I PMed you w/ my screen name if you wanna chat I'm on for a bit.
    \"As soon as you trust yourself,you will know how to live.\"
    Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
    \"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.\"
    Benjamin Franklin

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    1

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    meg dear,


    I too understand what you are going thru. I have always had a "nervous stomach" as a child (which means I always left early from sleepovers, anytime I went to bed anticipating the next day (like christmas) usually felt sick the next morning-ruined the whole day, I even had to leave prom early...the list goes on and on) as an adult, I found it hard to travel,not justflying,but by car too if I did not know where the next restroom was.I have a fear of getting sick, or I think of the feeling you get just before.other people don't bother me, but if I think I can'catch' it,I will make myself feel sick from just that thought. I have been to a shrink, but the only good it didme was I got agreat relaxation tape out of it. my greatest help came from two places: a book called "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" (sorry don't know who the author is-it is on loan to a friend, but I'll find out if you want me to) I loved the book because itexplained things in a physical way. what your body goes thru when you have a panic attack, and how when you have triggered those nerves, how much easier it is to trigger them again, and again, etc. found much of ME in the book. was nice to know I wasn't crazy or alone. and the second help was when I had the flu, doc gave me a shot of & sent mehome with pills called "Promethazine" (which is generic for Phenergan.)when I combined the two I started to get much better. I use the book and forums like this, to educate myself about my anxiety and my phobia. I don't try to rationalize it away, just understand it.I concentrate on the knowledgeand my breathing whenever I feel myself slipping into an attack. it has helped so much. I image the worst that could happen, and knowing IWILL NOT DIE if I get sick, or even have an attack in public, makes it easier to deal with. but when I have something overwhelming to do/go to, I use the pills to squash the nausea. I do mean squash. in 15 minutes, I can feel my stomach unclenching and relaxing and I know I will be just fine. I try to only use them when I absolutely have to. in fact just having them in my purse has kept many attacks at bay. I get them refilled once a year, and am proud to say I only use about 20 pills a year. it is something to consider talking to your doctor about.I hope some of this has helped.


    my hope for you is that you can except yourself as you are, flaws and all, and that you realize that even imperfect lives are worth living. there IS something out there to help you, it just takes staying active in the search.good luck!!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    897

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    i understand as well. i had a roommate sophmore year that would get so
    drunk she would be throwing up at LEASt 3 times a week when she woke
    up. id come home from class and she;'d have the gbage can on her bed.
    not fun. ive also panicked to the point of where i thought i was going
    to v*. dont worry, things will get better and eventually we will all
    learn to either deal with this or get over it. if you ever want to talk
    im on aol - bexcelica



    ps im only 21 and ive felt MANY times that i just wanted to give up bc of this - youre not alone girl


    One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Greece
    Posts
    54

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    I too understand what you're going through. I am very much like you. I am trying to be strong and am convinced this is all mind over matter. Just because someone else is sick doesn't mean that you will be. And if you can make yourself deal with being exposed to it sometimes it is a great help. I have 2 children and every time one of them has a tummy ache I start freaking out, but the odd times that they have been sick I've dealt with it. 90% is just the thought of it, try to be strong and you will get through this!!!!



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    12

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    Thanks guys,


    Like all of you, I have ups and downs. I appreciate all the support. Even though I may have those suicidal thoughts, I have no motivation to act on them. Mostly when things are bad, I try to find something else to occupy my mind. I read a book, or start a new project or something. I don't feel that I'm at the point where I'm ready to try and face the fear (literally..as in making myself be around someone who throws up). I don't even really know why it's acting up the way it has. Last semester at school I had a friend who got sick pretty frequently, and she had to get up and leave during class one day to go get sick. I was fine with it, I was cool and in control and it even slipped my mind that she was sick the rest of class when she came back! I really don't understand why it comes and goes like it does. That in itself proves to me intellectually that the horrible feelings I get are not valid. One situation is no worse than another situation where I was fine. My dad suggested strongly that I find some higher power that I can rely on so that I can just let the feelings go and deal with life as it comes. I've read books about finding that inner balance that makes you virtually immune to most anxiety and irrational fears. However, I am surrounded by good examples. Apart from online, I don't have any close friends who are emetophobic. They're all strong when it comes to this and capable of dealing. I'm just trying to learn from example. I am so much better than I used to be, and my boyfriend keeps reminding me of that. I am able to stay under control no matter how bad I'm feeling. Anyway, I hope you all have a great day! I'm planning on having some fun myself =) (It's great, have abad day and then reward yourself with something really fun for getting through it just fine)


    Peace!


    -Meg

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    4,191

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    yes, u are young. altho thats rich from me only being 18 myself..


    only those words could have come out of my mouth.. i promise you.


    Everyday i will feel nausea for a significant amount of the time.. it comes and goes like a merry-go-round.


    i dropped out of university because of the emetophobia. i don't go out with friends because of it. i'm even worried about being indoors in my own house because of my sisters regular habits of drinking, followed by v*ing.


    you really are not alone. please find my MSN address in my signature and MSN me anytime you need to talk. being aroundthe same age i can understand jhow much this emetophobia takes over ur everyday life, as it does me.


    take care


    Jen xxxx
    Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn\'t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn\'t know that so it goes on flying anyway.

    AIM:X20Jenneh02x
    MSN:
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