It never goes away...

[x1simplicity]

Hi all. I've been lurking around the forums for a while and given my current state, I figured I could try to share my story...

I've had emetophobia since I was a child. I remember being in class at preschool when I felt very sick. To this day I recall everything about it, from what I was wearing to who was sitting next to me and what we were talking about when it happened. It subsided with time until about 3 years ago, when I went to the doctor's to get a vaccine and started feeling n*. I begged the nurse to let me leave for a minute but she insisted on me taking deep breaths at her office so... you can guess what happened then.

In the meantime I'd developed an anxiety disorder (though never officially diagnosed) and my trauma was reignited by that situation. Now I can barely ever do anything that involves leaving the house for fear I might feel sick in public. Whenever I go out, the anxiety starts spiking and the n* comes as a side effect and thinking about it makes me even more nervous, which doesn't help the uneasiness in the stomach at all.

I don't think there's any specific triggers for my emetophobia... it's just permanently here. Wherever I might be, there's always a good chance I might suddenly feel sick. I basically starve myself whenever I'm out because I'm just terrified my stomach won't take it well. Everything I do revolves around the thought of eating and the possibility of being sick.

It's worse when I go back to university after a break. Thought the semester started over 3 weeks ago, I still feel like a total wreck and it ain't getting any easier. I almost lost it during a lecture today because I had to sit in a place that wouldn't allow me to get up and leave in case of emergency without bothering everyone around me. At this point I just wanna crawl into bed and never come out again.

[catlynn]

Welcome to the board! It sounds like this is having a great affect on your life. Have you considered seeking some help. I suffered many years before I got help.
It does not bother me 24/7 like it used to. But I still panic if I am confronted with it, like when someone feels ill or v. I always thought I could never get better but
I have. Sorry you are having a hard time.

[mary922]

As a college student with emet I can TOTALLY relate to you! That's exactly how I feel all the time-constantly anxious about getting sick, which only makes me n* and incredibly scared that I will v*. It's stopped me from eating almost completely while I'm at school, but hopefully with the spring coming it won't be so bad towards the end of the year with school.
If you ever want to chat feel free to message me!

[17WordHaiku]

I can relate to this very well. I try to make it very early to each class I go to so I can get the seat right next to the door just in case I need to step out. I know how you feel, I absolutely hate everyone noticing me getting up and walking out..my emet is also very influenced by a fear of being ill in public. People looking at me disgusted, the embarrassment..I can't stand it. If you ever wanna chat PM me. Our emet seems to be very similar.

[butterfly91]

I can relate to this, when i go out i always panic that i'm going to be sick in public, when i go to my fitness classes i always have to go to a spot nearest the door in case i have to run to the toilet, its completely taken over my life and when other people are sick who have been around me i freak out, when i hear people mention that they have been ill i panic its horrible

[Mamafear]

Welcome! You've come to a good place. So sorry to hear you suffer so much! X

[ams5174]

I used to have the fear as extreme as you. I would barely eat and also look for the exit just in case I needed get out fast. I would literally pray every night I wouldn't vomit, gag, etc etc. Some of my elementary yrs were spent in the guidance office bc I didn't want to get sick at lunch or in gym class. It was horrible. Today, I don't have the anxiety like I used to. I am in the medical field now (xray tech) and I just learned that it's not worth constantly worrying about. HOWEVER with that being said, when someone close to me gets sick I still freak out!! My husband is currently sick and I am sooo scared (panic attack style). But to give you hope for your daily life, you can change.. You can learn to not let it totally control your life. Be positive. The power of suggestion is so so strong, either can make you sick or make you better.

As for me right now.. I'm waiting to see if I'm going to get the bug or not. Instant tears if I feel it coming. I know you know how I feel. I wish I just could "not like throwing up" like a normal person and not have a full blown panic attack for hours about it... *sigh*

[x1simplicity]

Thank you all for your replies! I sympathize with everything you've all said. It's somewhat comforting enough knowing there's people out there who understand what I go through and won't think I'm out of my mind.

It particularly bothers me that I don't have any specific triggers, it happens 24/7. I can hardly ever get through a meal without feeling the anxiety poking me at the back of my head.

[Lauren9588]

I too know EXACTLY how you feel!... My fear was not this bad until the beginning of this year sadly... I got sick to my stomach for the first time in YEARS- pretty sure it was from a night of drinking and a bad mix of foods the next morning- however, since then I have been horrified. I have always had anxiety but from this experience I'm pretty sure I developed an anxiety disorder over it. I think about it constantly, I can't go out to eat anymore, I always have to be near an exit at the store, I constantly have this "phantom," gagging feeling in my throat, and my eating has definitely suffered. My eating habits are not healthy... some days I'll be very hungry and eat a ton.. other days I have no appetite at all and won't eat. It sucks. I have developed this lightheaded spacey feeling too. Pretty sure it has happened from being SO stressed out- not to mention I started college at a new university this past spring so it has been A LOT. I'm taking the first step and visiting a doctor in the morning! No use in living this way anymore. Life is too precious !