Challenging Emet Day

[shiva]

Ugh.. Today was strange. I was having a very busy day, so I didn't really have time to eat until this afternoon. Once I ordered my food, I was sooo hungry and couldn't wait to eat. When it came to the table, I think I may have ate too fast or something, I don't know. Shortly after I finished eating, the nausea began. My tummy didn't hurt, I didn't feel queezy, it was more like my salivary glands were going big time and I couldn't swallow. Sometimes when I get this feeling, I chew gum and it seems to help me. The gum wasn't working. I tried some sips of water, but couldn't swallow it.


I was in the car with my Dad, and he isn't really the most comforting person in the world and I still carry around animosity toward him from my childhood. I couldn't tell if I would rather be alone, or if he was helping. Almost panicking, I recalled everything I've been working on in therapy. Finally, I made myself breath deep and slow. I told myself that I would be okay and to trust my body. I told myself that even if "it" does happen, my body will take care of itself and I have to just let it and that I would be okay. This went on for 20-30 min. Then, my intestines started cramping and I thought I was going to have those other kind of issues. But, again we were on the road, and I DO NOT use public bathrooms, so I started getting worried again. I was only 20 more min. from my mom's and knew things would be okay if I could just make it there. My mind was racing, I was pissed at myself.. pissed at my parents.. pissed at the world.. pissed at my weakness. So, I started again.. breathing, relaxing, positive self talk.. Finally, my dad dropped me off at my car. I didn't know whether to be afraid to drive the next 20 min. alone or to be grateful to be rid of him. (not that he was being mean, I just won't let him comfort me) I got in my car, turned the music on and took my mind off of things. Mind you by now I could swallow and no longer thought I was going to V*, but knew I had to be somewhere safe and quick because I was dealing with tummy cramps and didn't trust the other feeling to be completely gone.


Geez.. This is long.. Sorry... Anyway.. I just wanted to share that everything turned out okay. I never got sick from either end and I remained relaxed and took care of me by myself. It felt really good. I wanted anyone who ever experiences anything like this to remember me, remember this story. I was SURE that I was gonna do it. No doubt in my mind. I was preparing myself to be okay with it mentally, and all it took was for me to remain calm and my food to digest a little and I was okay.

[Galadriel]

Hey Shiva!


Glad it turned out good for you. I agree that is empowering to be able to be "in control" like that, and that positive self talk and techniques helped you through. You did it yourself and you knowyou can be okay with it. Its really tough to override the panic when you really really think your gonna v*, and you did it! And you were okay!

[samara's on tv]

I'm glad you got through that okay. I would have freaked the hell out if that happened to me. Next time something like that does happen I'll remember your story, I really will. Actually I'm not feeling too hot as I type this but I'm trying to remain calm I think it might actually be because I'm hungry. Anyway good job!


~Monica

[bexcelica]

awesome! when i was on the bc patch (reasons im not on birth control
now) i got so n* one night i alsmost pulled the can out. I did the same
thing as you and i stopped it. its so hard to do, and i am so proud you
did that. if we can do it anyone can, so yes i agree for everyone to
remember your story when youre sure youre going to v*, bc most likely
stress and worrying is making it worse. msuci also helps calm you, i
agree.



proud of you girl

[shiva]

Thanks everyone!


I was thinking of how I always tell my daughter (whether she has a tummy ache or a boo boo..) that if she gets upset, the pain will be worse. But, if you can get your body to relax and get your mind off of it, it's much better. I guess I finally just found the correlation between that and feeling nausiated. It's kinda the same. In some twisted way, it's kinda like giving birth. There's a point where there is nothing you can do.. what's gonna happen is gonna happen and the more open you are to letting your body do its thing, the easier it will be.. just detach yourself and get through it, you know? I don't know, it just seems like this experience made me realize a lot about getting sick. (and then, I didn't even need to test how this theory would work because I got so relaxed that I felt much better)


Thanks again for all of the support here. This place is so incredibly great. I often think of other people's stories when I'm trying to get through something and I think that's one of the most empowering aspects to this site. I can think about so and so who's child was sick and they got through it. Or, if someone is in contact with a s.v. and doesn't get sick. I think it helps to hear these things.

[SimplyMe]

Congratulations! You did soooo well! i wish I could do that lol. This will be good for you in future instances as well! Again congrats!

[mjewell]

I experienced something similar last night too, this actually hasn't happened to me in a long time and it is the worst anxiety I ever get, except I was at home alone, fortunately.


I got home from work and pigged out, I was so hungry. Almost immediately after I was done I felt this huge wave of horrible nausea and extreme anxiety come over me all at once. I think its because I overstuffed myself...usually I'm ok if I'm full at home, but every once in a while I get that feeling, it's like instant overwhleming panic and nausea all at once. I immediately went to get my gum, popped a piece and went and stood over the sink in the bathroom, running cold water over my wrists (my routine for when I feel very close to IT). I felt HORRIBLE for about 10 minutes, but it the horrible panic and ful feeling passed. I still felt pretty bad, but I just kept thinkgin about other things, concentrating on relaxing and breathing deeply. I felt pretty sick for the next hour but i was not in a panic mode.


Ok, so all this is fairly insignificant, but what made me proud was that I did this all without taking a Xanax. Since I've only posted here a few times, youi guys don't know me well, but i take Xanax all the time, too much actually. Whenever i feel a twinge of nausea or nervousness I am running for the Xanax. So I guess my triumph is that I clamed myself down on my own without Xanax!! Truly a milestone for me.

[shiva]

Yay! That's great! You should be so proud of yourself. Doesn't it kind of give you a sense of strength to know that if you did it once, you can manage again?

[mjewell]

Yes, it really does. Every little accomplishment builds esteem. Sometimes its hard for us to remember that. I always think if I can't just conquer everyhting in one day I'm a failure. That is soooo the wrong way to go about it!!