New here, just wanted to share my story (Long!)

[key926]

Hello,

I am so grateful to have stumbled upon this board. I just wanted to introduce myself, although I am anxious to continue reading all of the information here. I am emetophobic (I am assuming with OCD and anxiety/panic disorder) and have been for the past 20 years. The last time I ate meat was when I was pregnant with my first child 20 years ago, I got s*** after eating a Burger King hamburger. That was the last time I ate meat, 20 years ago. At the same time, I developed the habit of washing my hands before I ate anything, or even touched my face- still to this day, 20-30 times a day, about a thousand if I have encountered a stomach bug victim! On a positive note, it cured my nail biting habit I don't fly or go on cruises and I seldom eat out.

I won't eat food that hasn't been over cooked or vegetables & fruits scrubbed and cleaned for at least 10 minutes. I won't eat food at parties or family members houses and NEVER EVER at a buffet! I throw all food out within 24-48 hours and no food can sit out for more than 30 minutes. Milk or other perishables I dispose of 1 day before the expiration day. Actually, I throw away canned goods that are within 6 months of their expiration date, thinking they are just getting too close. I will never eat foods that had an outbreak of some kind (regardless of how long ago)- peanut butter, cantalope, etc UNLESS someone ate the peanut butter before me and I now consider it safe. I spend an incredible amount of time checking dates at the grocery store and always get perishable items from the back of the refrigerator. My refrigerator at home is set so cold, that many items freeze

I don't drink and won't take medication unless I truly have to. Even then at the first sign of stomach ailment, I will stop until I can get a "safe" antibiotic that I have taken before. I have had blood transfusions due to my problem with anemia, although I am managing it now with slow release (easy on the stomach) iron. When trying a new non-prescription medication, my husband will take it first for a day or 2 to prove that it is safe.

I did get s*** 3 years ago, after 17 years. Believe it or not, from an apple pie from the grocery store. The terror and panic was incredible, and after 7 hours of fighting it and in spite of the Zofran, I still got s***. I remember after feeling a sense of pride and braveness that "I did it and survived!" However, that feeling was short lived and within a day my fears returned. I always have a prescription for Zofran, in my purse, in the car and another at home.

I don't use public restrooms. I haven't drank in 20 years more than 1/2 glass a wine in a day.

I am constantly living in fear that my children or husband will get a stomach bug and the few times they have, I have banned them to their rooms and brought them what they needed wearing gloves and masks. My greatest guilt is not being able to care properly for my children when they are sick this way.

Until I sat down to write this, I never realized how much my life has been affected by this. I am regretful that my children have never been on an airplane and my husband and I have not gone on a honeymoon, because I am too afraid to travel by plane or boat. I feel that I have let them down in a lot of ways. They are so used to it and they really just at my "quirky habbits," but I worry that my problem has been their problem for too long.

Although I have never talked to anyone other than family and a couple of close friends about this, I am guessing that my fear stems from when I was 7 years old I had Scarlet Fever and v******** several times a day for 4 days. My mother was at work and I was alone during the day, unable to get up without getting s***. I remember my mom calling to check on me and when I went to get the phone, I got s*** on the carpet. I apologized over and over, as my mom was a perfectionist about keeping the house clean. She didn't scold me, but I felt terrible about it and cleaned it as best as I could. The scary thing is I am too afraid to change it, too comfortable with my way of dealing with it and I am not even comfortable with the thought of trying to change it. I will never eat meat again- and I'm okay with that.

Anyway, I am SOOO sorry for going on and on. I have never told "my story" before right now and it feels good to put it on paper. I look forward to reading and learning more! Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to share.

[Mamafear]

Hello, and welcome! You've come to a great place. You will start to feel like you're amongst your own (after 20 years of dealing with this on your own). YouI know what you mean about being afraid to let it all go, it fills up so much of our day, and also, the thought of stopping the rituals and protective measures, like hand sanatizers etc! The crazy part is, our hygiene and care with what we eat makes sense!. Makes it hard to take the steps to get bettet. Anyway, I hope you find strength and comfort here, I know it's been a life raft for many of us. If you need to talk in privacy, feel free to pm me, (I'm sure that anyone here, in fact would be happy for you to contact them) Look forward to seeing you on the forum. Donna

[daffodil]

Welcome! Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you like it here.

[wiscomommy]

Key - you're not alone. There's comfort in numbers. You can say all the things you just did without being judged and not feel like you are batsh*t crazy! LOL! Welcome!