please help. panicking.

[trappedbyfear]

hi, you can call me val. i'm 20 years old and i work with children for a living. i aspire to be a teacher one day, but my fear of v and n is consuming me.

it wasn't always this bad; it didn't get this bad until my second semester in my freshman year of college. I hadn't V since I was in fourth grade; even then, it was because I had ate too much at thanksgiving. we believe the root of my phobia is linked to an extremely bad case of salmonella I had when I was four or five. since I drank juice right before I v-ed, I didn't drink juice again until I was in highschool. I was literally bedridden an entire summer; first, I had salmonella, then the N that ended up putting me in the hospital. no matter what I did that summer, I seemed to always end up v-ing.

surprisingly, I wasn't afraid of v-ing after that first incident--I just hated being around it. it wasn't until my freshman year when I fell violently ill that Emet truly began to take over. I had been watching Winter's Bone, wearing my favorite cropped purple sweatpants. I haven't watched at movie since; nor have I touched those purple sweatpants.

my mom tells me to find a different profession, but my heart is in the early childhood career and it would shatter if I left it. I know my fear is irrational, but it doesn't change the fact that i'm afraid of it. Today, I was in a very large room when a baby v-ed (on the opposite side of the room). I found out that his mom had the N, and had brought him into school anyways () an hour afterwards, another child v-ed, this time when I was not in the room.

I don't know how to deal with this. Every time someone V's in my presence, I go into a panic; convinced that I will be the next to get sick. I am sitting here, just waiting for the symptoms to arrive, although I know they will most likely never come.
The waiting is what kills me.

[Rheanna]

hi, you can call me val. i'm 20 years old and i work with children for a living. i aspire to be a teacher one day, but my fear of v and n is consuming me.

it wasn't always this bad; it didn't get this bad until my second semester in my freshman year of college. I hadn't V since I was in fourth grade; even then, it was because I had ate too much at thanksgiving. we believe the root of my phobia is linked to an extremely bad case of salmonella I had when I was four or five. since I drank juice right before I v-ed, I didn't drink juice again until I was in highschool. I was literally bedridden an entire summer; first, I had salmonella, then the N that ended up putting me in the hospital. no matter what I did that summer, I seemed to always end up v-ing.

surprisingly, I wasn't afraid of v-ing after that first incident--I just hated being around it. it wasn't until my freshman year when I fell violently ill that Emet truly began to take over. I had been watching Winter's Bone, wearing my favorite cropped purple sweatpants. I haven't watched at movie since; nor have I touched those purple sweatpants.

my mom tells me to find a different profession, but my heart is in the early childhood career and it would shatter if I left it. I know my fear is irrational, but it doesn't change the fact that i'm afraid of it. Today, I was in a very large room when a baby v-ed (on the opposite side of the room). I found out that his mom had the N, and had brought him into school anyways () an hour afterwards, another child v-ed, this time when I was not in the room.

I don't know how to deal with this. Every time someone V's in my presence, I go into a panic; convinced that I will be the next to get sick. I am sitting here, just waiting for the symptoms to arrive, although I know they will most likely never come.
The waiting is what kills me.

Hey! I'm new on here. Thought I needed to write to you coz I understand how you're feeling. I always though working in child care would be the hardest job for someone suffering with this. I've always been funny around germy kids. I was in a really bad state about a 2 years ago.. My anxiety from this caused me to stop eating- fear of food poisoning.. Avoiding large crowds, and children- including me niece and nephew, and I couldn't go anywhere by myself. I lost so much weight, was irritable all the time, and I wasn't even getting my period, that's how bad the stress was effecting my body.
I just had to write to, especially when you said you were just sitting there waiting for the symptoms to arrive. That sounds like me.
i would imagine you would have quite a good immune system working with kids. You've probably built immunity to a lot of those kind of sicknesses. I really do sympathise with you, and try not to stress! I do know that when you're in panic mode, you're body can mimic those symptoms to make you think you're getting sick.. Cos speaking to a friend of mine with anxiety, he tells me he's afraid of dying.. So when he panics, he has heart pain, thinking he's having a heart attack! The mind is very powerful! Try to keep your mind of it.. I know it's hard. Good luck.. Let me know how you go! Xxx