Hello!
I'm so glad that I found this community. I am a 27 year old elementary school teacher with emetophia. I have had emetophobia since I was very young. I remember a student getting sick in Kindergarten and, even at that young of an age, I remember feeling a horrible anxious feeling. My twin sister and I both have it. I get extremely anxious when I don't feel well but have a panic attack if I hear, see, smell or even hear it being talked about. My sister and I even get anxious if we hear someone coughing severely. Through the years I have tried to deal with it and have gotten better. I know that it sounds so silly but, it depends on the relationship I have with the person. I'm a little better with my husband, family and friends who I love so dearly but I still become anxious. I'm also a little better with my students because I love them very much and form a professional relationship with them but I still can't deal with it as best as I'd like to. And, forget it, if I see someone random getting sick, then I will perseverate and drive myself crazy.
I'm going in to my 4th year of teaching and have been lucky so far. I have had a couple of students get sick in my class but haven't seen it or have had the chance to cover my ears and then run to call the custodian. This year I was very thankful to have a co-teacher who understood how I feel. A student got sick and I was able to duck and take the kids to the other side of the room while she took care of our student and the I called the custodian. My anxiety was not too bad and that was a big step for me. If a student didn't feel well I asked them to let me know and I would put a trash bin next to their desk just in case.
But, the most recent occurance is what made me want to seek some guidance. We were on our 5th grade senior trip and one of my students wasn't feeling well. I love my students and am their to support them all that I can. Whether it's a bloody nose (which I get anxiety with also but can deal with a little better), getting hurt, feeling sad, not feeling well; I'm there for them. But throwing up, that fight or flight really sets in. I felt so bad that one of my students wasn't feeling well. I sat with her for a little while, asked if she wanted water, and then ended up taking her to the bathroom. She wasn't sure if she wanted to get sick or go to the bathroom. On the way to the bathroom, she stopped. I knew what was coming. I heard her begin and ran with my ears plugged. I panicked. I didn't want her to be alone so I started calling for one of my friends/fellow teachers. I went to get her because my co-teacher was presently in the bathroom. I knew she would be out soon. My student was taken care of but I felt very foolish that I panicked and even more foolish that I felt like my friends/co-workers probably thought I was an idiot (even though they didn't say it). As much time, effort, and empathy that I put in to my teaching, I felt like an awful teacher.
I was a bit shaken but ok. It's amazing how supporting my students are of my phobia. They may try and joke with me but they understand. Another one of my students got sick that day and since other teachers were around him I walked away. As I was walking away I heard a little voice say, "Good choice" as I walked away. It was one of my students. Ever since that day (about a little over a week ago) I have been perseverating and feeling like I'm a horrible person and teacher.
I'm getting better and working on dealing with it. I will have to deal with it when my husband and I have children and in my future endeavors as a teacher. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance and guidance that I'm not a horrible person or teacher. If anyone has some suggestions of how to better deal with it that would be fantastic as well. Or if anyone has a similar experience/situation as a teacher I would love to hear it. Thank you for all of your assistance.