Well, I feel about ^this tall...(poss. trigger, cancer)

[mrsjacks]

So some of you guys have probably seen the "no makeup selfie for breast cancer" posts all over Facebook. A close friend of mine tagged me. Granted, I find these "awareness" campaigns trite and pointless. I never participated in the "post your bra color" or "turn your profile pic purple" or "I like it on the floor" (where you like to put your purse) deals. But I was tagged, personally, in this friend's no makeup selfie, so I felt like I might be kind of a jerk for *not* posting.

So, feeling obligated, I posted a no makeup selfie and all of a sudden all of my friends are like, "OMG You're gorgeous without makeup! Your skin is perfect!!!" and then it felt slightly narcissistic and counter-productive at that point and I kind of wanted to delete the whole thing then, but got busy and forgot. Well, today my future SIL (whom I love and respect dearly) posted that the no makeup selfies craze really bothers her, because she watched her beloved grandmother slowly die from breast cancer, and how she didn't even get the option of just wiping off her makeup to take a picture, then slap some more on to feel pretty again. How she lost her hair and how it scarred her skin and how frail she looked before she passed away. Another woman posted that her husband had cancer, and most days she wasn't thinking about makeup. And then another friend said she had cancer, and how much these photos almost made her feel like people were saying, "look at me! Without makeup I look like a cancer patient! SUPPORT!" without any real thought to just how awful most cancer patients feel about their physical appearance. My future SIL commented with, "I wish more people would think before jumping on the bandwagon."

Honestly, I didn't give it much thought, I'm ashamed to admit. I've lost plenty of friends, acquaintances, and relatives to cancer, but it's never affected me on a very close level. I'm blessed to have two relatively healthy parents, a healthy husband, healthy siblings, a healthy son. Both of my maternal grandparents are alive. I guess I never took the time to stop and think how it would make someone feel who has actually watched their physical appearance deteriorate after rounds of chemotherapy or someone who has watched a close loved one change into someone barely recognizable.

And now I just feel like a giant arse. I did delete the picture, but I feel kind of awkward. I'm socially awkward anyway, and I know the post wasn't directed *at* me, but I don't know if apologizing will put her on the spot and make her worry she hurt or offended me. I kinda wish I could crawl under a rock until the next pointless awareness campaign goes around FB.

[mdgirl1977]

Don't worry, I have made the same snafu. Just chalk it up to a learning experience. I am not on FB anymore but in general I always avoided those large scale things...the only time I ever changed my pic for a cause was when gay marriage became legal and I made my pic the HRC double line pic...and that only lasted a day. I don't think those comments were focused at you. But if you want to smooth it over you could write a sentence or two, similarly vague and not directed at anyone, basically acknoweldging that you "never intended to minimize or trivialize the struggle that cancer patients face on a daily basis and that you sincerely hope you didn't offend anyone by your makeup free photo"

[mrsjacks]

That's a really good idea. I will probably do that. I'm just thinking of getting rid of my FB altogether. It's done nothing but steal my time and rob me of my peace since I joined. I just see too many posts that make me mad, hurt my feelings, cause me to see my friends in a different (not necessarily positive) light, cause anxiety (sickness related statuses). It's not as if I have family members out of state I never see and I *need* FB to keep in touch. I really only joined because everyone at my church was asking me, "do you FB? May I add you?"

[SnugglePuff]

This is why I hate those Facebook things! Not only do they serve absolutely no point but if not handled correctly, they can backfire like this.
Just remember that it wasn't directed at you personally. The photo is gone now, there's not much else you can do. If she, or anyone else confronts you, simply say you never thought of it that way and you appreciate her letting you know how she feels.

[andee]

I'm glad you said all this about FB MrsJacks and all others who replied. I feel the same way...I kind of like FB but then it also makes me mad, sad, feel inadequate, jealous, or insecure. I have trouble with self esteem anyway so when I see someone going out, on vacation, with other friends, I get mad. Everyone seems to love their life, to be always happy, etc. I know that's the stuff they will post, but it still gets to me. Yet, I don't have the courage to give it up.
I also don't think you did anything wrong posting a pic of yourself. And you took it off as well...you have a conscience and are considerate of others. Way to go!!

[Valen*]

I also did the No Makeup Selfie Then watched this video explaining how they can be hurtful ( like your people said...) I still feel bad about it.