General hopelessness?

[lavendler]

Hey,
so, there's this issue and it's really wearing me down lately.

I'd love to go to med school, even though I'm emetophobic. I know that it's impossible though. It's not only the v* or the gems that I'd be worried about, I'm also TERRIFIED of injuries and especially dead bodies and body parts, possibly even more than the v* since I can't even talk about these two things with someone without panicking. But I love reading about everything and learning all the different things. Gosh, that sounds so dull, I'm so sorry. It's just... I'd really, really love to go to med school and I can't and it's making me hate myself so much because this stupid fear is constantly keeping me from doing things I love.

Two things that make it even worse are that
a) I know for a fact that I would get in (which is depressing because if I had really bad grades etc. I could at least tell myself "oh well, it's not like you would've gotten in anyway, hah." and it wouldn't be just another things my fear won't let me do)
b) THREE of my friends are currently in med school, so it's a constant reminder of what a failure I am and how I'm never gonna get there.

I probably don't help myself by reading med students blogs and stuff all the time, but it's just so gd interesting.
I just feel like I'm never gonna even get close to anything I want because I'm in therapy for 5 years by now and I still sometimes can't even go buy groceries because I'm too afraid.

I don't know what I want to hear from you. I guess I just needed a place to let it out to someone who understands and either hear some encouraging words or have someone verbally punch me in the face or something..

Well, go on with your lives now.

[mdgirl1977]

there is no shame in going in a different route than expected. if you love reading about medical stuff why don't you get a degree in a research field? you are bright if you can get into grad /med school so that may be a great route! forensics maybe? hugs!!!

[andee]

Hi. I can totally understand!! I'm a medical assistant, or was, I should say. I LOVE medicine as well, watch all the shows, love learning anything and everything. I also went on to get my phlebotomy certification...love drawing blood too!! However, I am doing neither of those because of this fear...I found through training that I cannot run out of the room and leave a needle in a patient if he/she feels sick...that's just one example, I'm sure you get what I'm saying. Sooo, I did work in these fields, but things got too stressful and my work environments weren't right for me, so I am sort of taking a break and I'm not even sure I can ever go back. So I understand that feeling of not doing what you love, and feeling worthless.

Sorry to be a downer but please give this some heavy thought, because this fear CAN get in the way of your dreams. Some can overcome it, and there are quite a few on here in different medical fields. But sadly, I could not, as bad as I wanted to. Maybe you could shadow one of your friends who are in med school to see what it's really like. I wish you the best and hope you find what you need...

[AoD]

I understand you, though my situation is a bit different. I have good enough grades now (doing my masters in engineering), but I can't get in because my grades during my bachelor were too low (I was going through an abusive relationship along with health issues so I didn't perform as well as I could have) and they refuse to consider my application because of that even though I have a GPA of 3.7 in my masters. So I can't get in unless I do another bachelor's. I know I could drop the master's, get back in a bachelor's, and then get into med school without problem, so it's not an issue of "I'm too stupid to get in anyway". I just need to find some money to support me through another bachelor and drop my job. And engineering isn't exactly an easy field either, and I do like my job. But I still feel like a total failure because I am not in med school. I adore everything related to medicine! The only thing that scares me about the job is the v*. I can handle surgery, I've done it on animals before. That being said, if you can get in, apply. You can try it, and if you really cannot stand it because of the v* then at least you will have tried. Also, it's only a few years that you spend actually doing the rounds in every speciality, afterwards you can decide to go into something where there's little to no v*, like psychiatry, internal medicine, radiology (almost no contact with patients actually). The only two fields where you get more exposure to v* is in pediatrics and emergency medicine. I say go ahead, apply, the worst than can happen is that you will drop out when it gets to be too much, and lots of people quit med school for different reasons. They also have an awesome support system for medical students, so they will help you work through the phobia and it might even be more effective than your current therapy!