Worries about growing up (yes, growing)

[Koizumiii]

So I just spent last night until 3:30 am completely terrified and a mess, crying and shaking and close to killing myself to make it stop, because I went to a football game for my school. It was FREEZING (34 degrees) and I had a strange hot chocolate, 2 hot dogs, and a coffee to stay warm. I react terribly to coffee and might be lactose intolerant, and obviously greasy hot dogs are not great, so its a no brainer that I felt sick when I went home. However, I've heard so much about people being sick yesterday alone that I couldn't stop freaking out. I felt fine, relaxed even, with only a little nausea... until I decided to go to sleep. I got into bed, turned off the light, put my phone on the charger, and closed me eyes. Immediately I went into a full blown panic attack with stomach pain, nausea, a sensation of something rising in my throat, heart palpitations, etc etc. It was HORRIBLE. I was just sobbing and so close to the end... Honestly I hate this, being all alone. My friends were all asleep at 3am, my dog is a dog, and my parents think I overreact and get mad at me if I am freaking out and come to them for help, so I don't ever tell this what happens to me anymore because I really can't rely on them. However, one of two reasons I'm still alive is that my parents, even if they ignore me if I ask for help when I'm afraid, would still find me in a few hours when they got up in the morning and their lives would be ruined for a few days... and they would never forget me, I know that.

The thing is that I don't know if I will ever be able to move out, which is something I REALLY want to do, because I couldn't handle it by myself last night. If I end up living 100% on my own, no roomie or boyfriend, I'm worried that with no one in the room next door, by boss/best friend will try to figure out where I am cause they haven't seen me in a few days, and they'll find me in the bathtub or something. I really don't think I am capable or will ever be capable of taking care of myself when I have these panic attacks, let alone if I actually am sick someday.

I only recently turned 14, and so I still have a good 3.5 years before I even have to start thinking about moving out... and yet this is still causing me even MORE anxiety... What on earth can I do?

[blueridge212]

All I can say is that you will most likely be a completely different person in 3.5 years than you are now. That doesn't mean you won't have the phobia anymore - really, I think we'll always have it, I just think it's possible to learn coping mechanisms to handle it and be "in remission". But, when you do move out, it's very likely you'll have learned strategies to talk yourself down from the ledge. In fact, at that point, you might even be MORE comfortable being alone when you're panicking. I used to HAVE to have someone with me when I was nervous, and now I'd much rather just be by myself. Nothing caused that change, it just randomly happened. Maybe the same will happen for you! And if it doesn't, you still have plenty of time to develop those coping mechanisms for panic attacks.

I'd suggest looking into a book by a doctor named Claire Weekes called "Hope and Help for your Nerves." In it she talks about how to coach yourself through a panic attack, and to make it so that eventually you handle anxiety like it's nothing, which in turn keeps it from snowballing into a full-blown panic attack.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. Just remember that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel

[chixy]

I partially agree with blueridge212. You're only 14, your life will be very different in a couple of years. Your life will be different when you're 16, and 18, and again when you're 20. And 30. And so on. You really do have your entire life ahead of you and it's not worth missing out on over something that is bothering you now because it might not even be bothering you a year from now! You never know. Imagine in a couple of years when you're doing something you've always wanted to do and you stop and think "wow, I'm glad I didn't let my emet get the best of me or I wouldn't be doing this right now."

What I meant with that I only partially agree is that I disagree with the fact that we will always have the phobia. Let me tell you from personal experience that it's 100% possible to overcome your phobia completely. Not just learning to cope, actually going to back to a "normal" thought pattern. I know it's difficult to trust, and that you're probably thinking that my emet wasn't real, or that mine wasn't bad, or something like that. But I had very real life ruining emetophobia. And I overcame it. It's possible.
Please don't miss out on all that life has to offer over this phobia.

Also, if you're having thoughts like that you can always call 1-800-273-8255 (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline) if you live in the US. You can be completely anonymous and just call them to talk.

[Syrup]

^^^^^ Yes to that. I had a major phobia if v* as a young child and then it just full on DISAPPEARED. I could be around people who were n* and v* without even THINKING about it. Not only was I not afraid, it didn't affect me in the slightest. So much so that I caught it and again was totally fine. I remember wondering what the heck my problem was when I was actively ill. I was like that for over 20 years.

Now I'm still not scared of v*ing myself, though I do have some issues with my boys being sick, but I'm hopeful that in time, as they get older, that will go away too.

There's ALWAYS hope and reason to keep going. The best thing to do is to keep living life normally. V* is NOT a reason to miss out and certainly not a reason to give up. (((HUGS)))

[kthomas629]

Kiddo let me tell you what. I was you, 24 years ago. So was my sister about 18 years ago. We have been there, done that, didn't buy the freaking T-shirt. And guess what, we survived. We endured and we are stronger for it and you will be too. I know right now, things seem really bleak and really bad, but you have the disadvantage of raging teen hormones and that lovely up and down emotional roller coaster, kicking in and making things 10 times worse. You will be surprised, shocked even to come back here in probably 5 years, read this post, shake your head and go "wow I was a mess". Yes you are, why because you are 14 and life is a mess for EVERYONE at 14. I don't care what you are going through, I don't know a single 14 year old that doesn't experience some kind of serious up and down, raging mass of hysteria, emotion and downright FREAK OUT over life. It's not your fault, honey, it's NORMAL. You have the disadvantage though of having a horrible phobia that makes what most teens go through inherently worse. But you cannot let it beat you. Your life can be WONDERFUL, HAPPY and PRODUCTIVE, as long as YOU want it to be. Do not let this phobia beat you. It took me YEARS and the love a very good man to help me make peace with myself and my life. I am not perfect, I still have my ups and my downs, my stresses and my fears, but I am living a much happier and contented life than I would have ever dreamed possible when I was 14. I am married to that wonderful man, have two super kids, a dog, two cats, a home and am actually working on a career in education and library science to become a public school librarian. I even managed to deal with my phobias enough to embrace working as a substitute teacher in elementary schools!!! I would said that anyone who told me that was CRAZY 24 years ago!!! But here I am. IT can be done, DO NOT GIVE UP. DO NOT LET IT BEAT YOU!

[Maddie-_-]

Oh my..you sound just like me, im 14 too. I dont know what to say to you except you arent alone, and message anytime for a chat!

[emet-ana]

Poor you, that sounds like it was really stressful last night.

You have such a long time left at home with your parents and lots of time to get better from Emet. Even when you're 18 you don't have to move out immediately and as you get older you start to get better at coping alone (or with friends). If you think of it as being like a 6 year old worrying that they'll never cross the road alone or go to a sleepover/slumber party and yet 3 years down the line it's easy for them to do those things- coping alone will just get easier as you get older.

lol- 'My dog's a dog'