OT..HELP me!

[crystalmom]

I know this is completely off topic, and most of you may not even know what to say, but right now, you are the people I trust the most.


My son, Isaac, is 4 1/2 years old. About 6 months ago, he discovered "tickling his body", if you get my meaning. At first, I was a little horrified, then realized that it was normal. He always did his "thing" in his bedromm, by himself, usually with a stuffed animal. I always knew when "it" was going on b/c he would disappear into his room for a while and be quiet. Quiet is not a common trait with him.


Well, now this is going on 3 or 4 times a day. And, (this is the worst part), he told me the other day he had wanted to "tickle" another little girls body that he was playing with. I totally freaked out and told him that he wasn't allowed to touch other peoples bodies. And that noone else is allowed to touch him, unless it was me or dad cleaning his bum.


My questions/concerns are this....Is this normal? How much is too much, I mean he's only 4!? Am I raising a sexual predator? Where could he have got this from? (he has never been exposed to anything sexual, and he says noone has ever touched him).


Please give any advice you can. I am totally freaking out, and thining what a horrible parent I am!


Crystal

[tayda]

I think that it is normal that he is interested in other people's bodies. He's exploring. But it is important to let him know where the boundaries are (obviously this is a boundary)... and I think you handled it well. Perhaps it's time for the "sex talk"".

[SimplyMe]

I agree that it's probably just curiosity, he knows girls have something different so he probably just wants to see what that's like. I think you did the right thing explaining that he isn't allowed to touch others and they can't touch him. It must be normal tho, isn't that where the phrase "playing doctor" comes from, kids being curious?


Tayda, I LOVE your quote LOL!

[shiva]

Crystal,


Wow that would be a tough one to handle, but I think you did handle it really well. It's hard with kids because you don't want to make too big a deal out of it, but at the same time you want to make sure that there are no questions to what is tolerable, especially in this type of situation.


I definitely do not think that this is anyindication that he will grow up to be a sexual predator. I think it's natural that he would be curious. My friends son would disapear into his bedroom alone after his bath time most nights and would mention things to them like your son is to you. If I remember correctly, it was a phase and it passed. (he was about the same age as your son, too) Just do what you are doing and make sure he understands he is not to touch others and I think you will guys will be fine.

[crystalmom]

Hey guys...thanks so much for your responses.


My mom had a dr's appointment this morning and mentioned it to our dr. She said this was very normal, and not to worry too much. Though I still am.


Thanks again


Crystal

[japa]

I preface this with the fact that I don't have any kids.


But from what I have read, I believe that it is not only normal but even healthy for young children to explore their bodies this way. And if you don't respond in a way that shames him, as you clearly haven't, that will help him to have a healthy attitude toward his body and sex as he progresses into adolescence and adulthood.

[crystalmom]

Jaba - This is what I have been trying to do. I don't want him to be ashamed of his body, or of masturbation, since this is all normal things. I just worry, that by "allowing" him to do this, that I may have overstepped.


From the beginning I told him that it was something ppl do in private. I told him it was ok, as long as he was by himself, and wasn't doing it in front of people.


I dunno, sometimes being a parent is so hard.


Crystal

[shiva]

I second that! Being a parent is very hard!!! It seems like everything we do impacts our children so much,that's a crazy amount of pressure.Then you have different studies and different professionals at different times saying to do this or do that.. lay them on their tummies, no backs.. wait.. the sides.. nope.. no good, lay them on their backs. Or.. discipline them this way, but not that way, now that way is okay, but only if it's done this way!!! But, I have always heard that you are supposed to handle children touching themselves in just the way you have. I am sure that everything is going to be fine and he will grow up to be a great person because you have kept yourself informed and tried to do your best where his development is concerned. That's all you can do.. Even with all of the crazily changing information being thrown at us! I think as women we basically have good instincts and know how to handle this tough kid stuff.

[chicajojobe]

Are you raising a sexual predator....I doubt it. Horndog maybe, but not a sexual predator.



Hehe, I'm just kidding, but seriously I wouldn't worry about it. It's
natural that he would be curious about his own body and about girls
bodies (since they're built differently). Just explain to him
rationally that it's rude and inappropriate for him to touch anyone
else's body.



I understand it may make you a little uncomfortable since he is so
young and as you said hasn't been exposed to anything sexual. However,
keep in mind that sexuality is not just a learned behavior, it's also
an innate urge (after all our species wouldn't have lasted this long
without it).



With situations like this my advice would be do just what you are now. Give
him the impression that what he's feeling is perfectly normal, but that
it is also a very personal matter and, as such, has appropriate
limitations (ie: it's not appropriate to touch someone else's private
parts).


Edited by: chicajojobe