going mad, please help

[raindrop]

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HATE EMET. I hate it SO much. Right now, I'm feeling so, so
down about it all, and can't get it off my mind. I hate that I
can loving life, totally happy, and then emet just has this ability to
completely pull me down from that happy place, and make me a quivering,
crying wreck.



I keep thinking, I can't go through life avoiding v*ing forever.
There will be a time when I have to deal with that. When will
that be?!! I hate not knowing, just continuing to live with this
constant dread. I hate that sometimes we catch SV and we have no
idea where it came from, like you can be silently infected and not know
until you're suddenly feeling n*.



Yesterday I was christmas shopping and I was standing in the queue in
the shop, and a woman was serving the customer in front of me.
When she finished serving her, she just ran off, and I had to wait for
the other assistant to finish serving. The guy who served me kept
looking round to see where his colleague had suddenly disappeared
to. I can't help thinking that she had to run off to v* and that
I might catch it, even though I wasn't THAT near to her. It's
doing my head in.



I have been SO lucky in the last few years. There has only ever
been one bout of gastric flu that went round that I was aware of.
For those two weeks I was an absolute mess, couldn't sleep, couldn't
eat, crying all the time, so depressed. Basically, what I'm
trying to say is, I don't DEAL with people getting SV or v*
regularly. I'm not used to the week long starvation ritual, and
all the rest. I guess I have this terrible feeling that this
winter it's going to hit with a bit more force, and I have NO practice
at dealing with it. I think I'm likely to do something really
stupid, just because I feel like I'd rather die than v*.



I'm sorry this post is long, but emet is killing me at the
moment. I'm finding it hard to focus on anything else.
Other thing is, I used to just not eat, and that would make me feel
better (less worried) but since being in a r'ship, my partner has been
MAKING me eat regularly, and now if I don't eat a meal I feel so hungry
I feel n* anyway, so I can't even do the starvation bit to make me feel
better.



Does anyone else regularly feel like they can't cope? How do you deal with it? Tips for dealing?

[pretty polly]

hi raindrop - I feel like you do most of the time! I don't think a day
goes by without the V* thought crossing my mind at least once. It
happens less during the summer but at this time of the year, its like
a constant cloud is over my head.

Everyone has their own way of dealing with it, but I tend to try and
focus on the positives (if its at all possible) e.g. I haven't contracted
an illness for the last so many years so I must have a strong immune
system and a strong stomach; or even try and argue with your fear -
look that big ole bully in the face and say I am not going to let u ruin
my life, I am going to continue on living the life I want, and if a
tummy ache is all you've got to threaten me with then come on then
- I'll have ya!!!!!

Easier said then done - I know but you can't let it win!

[swiftette]

It's so true, I think that IS the hardest part-the not knowing, the lack of controll. I've been having it tough to lately because- Tis' the season for sv*s. But all I can tell you is take one day at a time. You feel okay now,see about tomorow when tomorow comes. I think your partner is right, either way you NEED to eat and eathealthy. It will help boost your immune system. Take the proper precautions(good hygeine)andhave faith in yourself. Know that your bodywill take care of you if you take care of it. Does this help at all? [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]We're all gonna have good days and bad but it's NEVER bad enough to do something "stupid"!I'm sorry you're having such a bad time dealing with it today. I DO know just how you feel!

[raindro&#112;]

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Thank you so much. It does make it easier knowing you're
not the only one. Sometimes you feel crazy! I like the idea
of keeping yourself healthy and taking a strong/aggressive
attitude to the emet - y'know "you're not going to get me!".



I don't think I could do something stupid, it's just that
feeling of desperation that sometimes grips. I remember thinking
as a child that when I felt sick, I'd want to run away, but you can't
run away from your own body.



Are any of you on anxiety meds? I used to be, but I didn't find they helped at all.

[meercat]

Hi Raindrop!
When i was at my all time worse (about 10 years ago) i was introduced to anti-anxiety and anti-depession medication for the first time. At that time i was put on Xanax and Prozac, and between the 2 of them, they gave me my life back! After about 2 years i weaned off of the Xanax, and just continued on Prozac for the next 8 years. I found that Prozac helped with both anxiety AND depression together...the only bummer about it was that not only did it relieve my anxiety and depression (which was a GODsend) but it also sorta took away my joy! I was living on what i describe as an "even keel", but i missed having normal joy, so i went off of them. Anyway..years passed and over this last year i was on Zoloft...and that worked pretty well, and it didn't take away my joy!! I was pretty happy with it! Until recently, about 3 weeks ago my job laid off a bunch of us because work was so slow, and unfortunately my health insurance dropped, and so i couldn't afford Zoloft anymore :-( So these few weeks have been the hardest i've had in a long time! All i do is cry, my life feels like it has no meaning and purpose anymore. So i can surely relate to how you feel right now. If you do have prescription coverage, maybe it would be wise for you to see your doctor about your concerns and ask about a good anti-depressant. That may be what you need right now, just to get through this unfortunate turmoil. You may be one who only needs it for awhile, and not long term, like myself. I know how much improvement i felt when i finally had help, and also the tremendous relief from the constant fear of v*!! I was amazed at how i handled the kind of situations i would normally freak out from!! Like i said...it gave me my life back!!

God bless you and best of luck!!

Paula :-)

[swiftette]

I take half a xanax every night. That is my toughest time of day. Everyone goes to bed and I'm left with myself. My brain races with fear sometimes. I only take half because I'm afraid of getting"hooked". It almost always helps me but sometimes it does'nt work at all. I wish there was some magic pill but I do'nt think there is.

[raindro&#112;]

Thank you both so much. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]<!--
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I may indeed ask my doctor about meds. I don't want to
be on an anti-depressant, I've got friends on them and they've also
described this "numb" feeling. I live off my highs, I guess I'm
quite an extreme person, and I can't think of anything worse than to
take something to suppress everything. I understand that it could
help me, but the price I might pay is too high (for me).
Something like xanax (anti-anxiety, right?) might be more appropriate,
but I'm wary because it didn't work before.



I so wish there was a magic pill! [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]

[liriodendron]

The magic pill is time.

At least it was for me. I had so many panics and those nights of
worrying if something I ate was going to make me ill that after time I
just don't worry about it too much. Sort of like our color coded terror
alert system. I used to go "on high alert!". Now I just go to bed.

[tayda]

Rain drop, I avoided taking meds for a very lojng time myself... but when the panic attacks began, and I was having constant anxiety.. to the point it began to become health anxiety related... well then I went to the counselor and psychiatrist for help. I have become much Much MUCH better!!! Through Cognitive, meds, and so forth .. my son was s* last night... but I'm going to post about that later... but just the fact that I'm finally on the computer... and posting.. AND CALM right now.. is something else.. INCREDIBLE.. I'll post later.

[samara's on tv]

I actually take two meds...Zoloft and Zyprexa. I've been on Zoloft since I can remember and Zyprexa for about 2 years now. I have my issues with Zyprexa because it doesn't allow me to FEEL things. I don't cry and I don't get angry...basically the only emotion I have is laughter. On the other hand if I wasn't on these meds I'd be a nervous wreck all the time...so maybe giving up crying and laughter is all worth it...although the meds don't do anything to quiet my Emet. If anything it's gotten worse over the past year. But I don't have panic attacks...well I hardly ever have panic attacks and when I do have them it's because that means something MAJOR is wrong.


~Monica