Helping myself - and it's actually working!
Hey everyone!
So, I've been struggling with this for 6 years. It never, ever ends. I feel like I lost complete control over my own body, my own mind, I felt dreadful. It was only after getting a n* bug on holiday and travelling with my fiance suffering from fp* did I realise that I DO have the power to control my mind and body, because I got us both home with him feeling like death warmed up and I travelled feeling completely alone and terrified. But I got through it, and we're both fine. It was then I decided that I can take control, and I have discovered the best way to do it.
As I'm only a college student and I don't have enough money for the expensive counselling, therapy etc, I feel like I have no choice but to help myself. Plus the only counsellors I've seen in the past listen with one eye on the clock, ready to count up my savings I have to hand over after only an hour. So, this method that I did for myself has worked wonders, and this is how!
All you'll need is: a notebook (a cute journal, cheap pad, word processor whatever you want) and yourself!
It was Sunday afternoon I picked up a notebook and wrote and wrote and wrote. Half of it doesn't even make much sense. I didn't divide chapters, I didn't follow any 'book' rules, it's just for me. I wrote about everything that I feel, everything emet makes me feel, all my thoughts, literally everything I can pluck out of my brain. I don't worry about embarrassing myself, I don't worry about how I sound to others, I have written and written loads. I myself have gotten to the very bottom of why I have this phobia. It's revealed quite a lot about me! And I had some fun with it too, it felt like digging for treasure in my own brain.
Then, when I'm all alone, I read it back to myself, imagining my mind is sat right in front of me listening. I tell myself everything I've written, so I know it's true. Then it sticks.
Even after a few days I've had n* and ibs flare ups and stuff, but I haven't had the anxiety on top of it. I know what it is! I feel in control of my body.
It's a long road ahead but this is such a massive step and an amazing way of taking control. I really recommend it people! xx
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