New here - and I think I have emetophobia.

[Mayu]

So my story is basically - when I was in pre-school or kindergarten I think, I had a bug where I V* - but I don't really remember anything about it. probably blocked it out lol.

Then in 6th grade I got a virus and V* on a teacher's shoe, I remember it being miserable, I already wasn't feeling well... but the awful smell coming from the home eco. room (they were cooking) made it worse. but I pretty much got over it. After it stopped, that same night I was telling my mom I was hungry (even though she wouldn't give me anything obviously.)

Then I had 10 wonderful years of never having a V* episode, but then in 2000 I started working at a bank, handling money which isn't always the cleanest stuff, and I had one of the worst bug I've ever had. It was very traumatic. don't remember ever being that sick. I turned into a total daddy's girl, making him stay up with me all night, and eventually he took me to the E.R. cause it just wouldn't stop. (which was my fault because I ate soda crackers hoping it would settle my stomach. Worst idea ever). That's when I think I became Emetophobic. I never remembered being that miserable, and that fearful of having it happen again.

Then I went 14 years without getting sick... I mean, I got sick, just not with V*. I was very proud of my 14 year streak.

Then, the beginning of this year (Jan), that streak came to an end. My nephew has been sick with a stomach bug and not even a few days later, my sister and her husband brought him for a visit for a few days. . Of course, a few days after they left, I knew I was going to get sick. My mom got sick first, then the next day I woke up feeling miserable. I starved myself hoping if I didn't eat or drink (except for one sip to take a compazine), I'd be okay. but there was this odd dizzy feeling I got in my head, and I knew it was going to happen... I ran to the ER hoping I could avoid V*, but unfortunately, I couldn't wait through all the tests they have to do before getting to treating you. (blood pressure, temperature, heart rate, etc.). First it was a horrible dry heave, then it was 2 heaves of bile. At the time I thought, "hey, this wasn't as bad as I thought it would be"... I actually thought that to myself and said, "Well I faced my biggest fear, and it wasn't so bad. This is okay. I'll be okay."

but then over time, my mind twisted it into being a horrible event I never want to repeat. I somehow made that small event as bad as the traumatic event from 14 years earlier. I went from facing my fears - to making it worse.

In fact, I was sick longer than most people would be. usually people feel normal after 2 days... I was in bed for over 10 because I worked myself up so much.

Now I feel like it's crippling me. I got N* from a really bad sinus infection because of sinus drainage, and I ran to the ER for a shot of Zofran... and I starved myself for 4 days before I felt comfortable enough to eat a single piece of toast and a small cup of jello. I'm obsessing over the fear of getting sick again. and I just don't get it.

I mean, my mom tried to put it in prospective. She said - "You went 6 years before getting sick, then after that bout you went 10 years... then after that bought you went 2 months shy of 15 years... you've only been "that kind of sick", 4 times in your life... and the first time you were really too young to remember... so say 3. so 3 times in all your 38 years. and It may be 20 years before you get sick again."

but that didn't make me feel better at all. My mind obsesses over it like getting 'that kind of sick' is inevitable and unavoidable, and I feel like that train of thought is crippling me.

So anyway... I came here hoping someone who understands my issues, can help me with advice on how to keep it in prospective, maybe how to start to get back to normal and stop obsessing over it. Because, being emetophobic on top of being OCD is just not a cool way to live. My mom was sicker than I was when we got sick in Jan... and she doesn't even think about it. But I'm still obsessing over it 5 months later... obsessing over the upcoming winter season... which is still half a year away.

anyway... I just thought I'd introduce myself. I apologize for the tedious story.

[jkl81]

Mayu this story seems pretty common around here. It sounds like you have identified your issue. I turned my last v* episode into a way bigger deal than it really was, and have been up and down since then. I hope you find comfort in the community here at IES.

[mdgirl1977]

welcome. yes your story is so similar to mine and many others. even though we get sick less times than non emets it seems to really traumatize us so much more than anyone else. non emets don't get it and can't understand the phobia. you'll find comfort here.

[gumdropper1]

Welcome, Mayu. You're just like the rest of us. I hope you will find strength here. Doug

[Mayu]

thanks everyone. I need all the help I can get.

I've been having N* issues for about 2 months now... I've been taking Zofran daily out of fear... I've gone to the ER a few times thinking it was a bug or maybe food poisoning... but my mom never seems to get sick, and the doctor said there's no way I can get food poisoning that often. I've had blood tests, CT-Scans, urine tests, everything comes out fine. No fevers, blood pressure is good...

finally I went to a girl doctor (I'm 38, and to be honest, I've never seen one) and I found out I have Polyps, Adenomyosis, endometriosis, and my ovaries are not where they're suppose to be. (he thinks they're stuck on swollen tissue perhaps.)

I've been reading online, and people with those same issues have complained about constant N*. So I'm wondering if that's what all my issues are currently from... not that it makes me feel any better.

I have to have a hysterectomy in October, but that's got me worried, cause Oct. is getting close to flu season, and I have to stay the night at the hospital... and since hospitals are where sick people go... I just get panicky and my OCD kicks into overdrive. Consiering I went 6 years, then 10 years, then 14 years without V*... I would like to be on my way to breaking my most recent best record and go 20 years without having to. So I'm trying to avoid getting sick.