ER tonight.

[Malalcala]

I'm scheduled to be in the ER tonight and I am trying to reign in my anxiety a bit.

We are not in clinics very much in the first two years of school and most of the time we spend with patients is in primary care settings doing wellness checks and such... So while I have done a few of these mini rotations in the ER it has not become normalized for me yet. As a second year I will be expected to perform a more complete physical exam, interview and review of systems on the patients I see tonight...which basically means that my previous strategy of kinda hanging back and observing (with an exit strategy in mind) is null and void. I'm going to have to calmly deal w/whatever happens tonight and as usual I am mostly terrified that I won't live up to that expectation. The funny thing is that w/out this phobia ER is actually a branch of medicine I would REALLY like to practice... it is also one of the ones where I am most likely to be vomited on.. oh the irony!!
As per usual I totally reject the idea that fear will win or dictate my future decisions... but I wish (like everyone here) that I could be as blasé as everyone else about this. Probably the more I do this the less horrible it will be.. but it totally sucks getting through these initial challenges!!!

So yeah... Im anxious today and I thought It'd be nice to share with people who understand : )
Wish me luck!!

~M

[Afdpt]

Good luck!

When I had my hospital clinical I was really freaked out almost the entire time, especially on med/surg floor and ICU as that was where I was most likely to run into v*. It was REALLY hard when I sat my patients up and the color drained from their face and they told me they needed to be sick. My knees would literally be shaking as I stood there beside them while they v*. I hated every moment of it but somehow I managed to pull it together and get through, passing the clinical without my instructor ever knowing I even had a fear of v*. So, don't give up. Usually after the first time the person would v* I calmed down a bit although my anxiety was still elevated. It was always that first episode of v* for each person that really upset my phobia. After the first one you almost go into reaction mode and figure it out because you know you have to get through this professionally.

Good luck on this rotation! You are totally capable of succeeding with this and it's such an amazing accomplishment that you're even putting yourself into the situation in order to help conquer your phobia!

[Malalcala]

Thank you SO much for sharing this experience!!

It hasn't happened to me yet but I know it's inevitible so my anxiety goes up every time I go in there. I know exactly what you mean about that professional/clinical/scientific instinct somehow taking charge (it's what got me through the first few weeks of cadaver lab!!) I only hope I can conduct myself as professionally as you have... your story definitely gives me hope that when it happens I'll be able to act like the baby doc I'm supposed to be and not the ball of unregulated anxiety I feel like ; )

I can't tell you how nice it is to know that someone else out there in the clinical world has this phobia! You are a gem!

~M

[andee]

This is soooo awesome!! Best of luck! I so wish I could return to the medical field/phlebotomy...so far this fear and anxiety has won out. Please keep us posted! I can sort of live vicariously through you......hugs!

[Malalcala]

Awwwww... Thanks!!!!!
The ER was actually pretty amazing! I saw all of the things that make me think I'd love to be an ER doc... Perhaps unfortunately, we were busy all night but I didn't see a single person with abdominal pain!! That is practically unheard of tbh, when I was shadowing peds ER as a pre-med in the winter it was nothing BUT abdominal pain! Someday I know my shoes will be thrown up on but it was not last night (fortunately because I only have one nice set of pants and I was wearing them). Hopefully when that day comes I'll be even more prepared emotionally and clinically : )

Also.. I want SO much for you Andee to find your way back to medicine since it sounds like you love it... Have I mentioned that I am a little older as a med student?? In my class there are 10 or so students who are even older than me (one woman is in her 40s and a guy is 50).. Basically I am saying that this phobia was part of what kept me from doing this (or even considering it) years ago but the door wasn't closed (for which I am eternally grateful) so I believe it'll be open for you too when you are ready!!!
~M

[andee]

Thanks Malalcala...I will message you if that's okay. So glad it went well!!