My mom told me she's sick of me and that I'm on my own

[Koizumiii]

I'm 15 and have been struggling with this phobia since I was ~6. This past year I've been a lot worse ever since I actually got sick, causing me to frequently go to my parents and ask for help because I had sensations that felt similar to when it actually happened. What would really help would be a hug and the assurance that everything would be alright, they're here for me, etc. but my mom never does that and gets mad at me instead. The same with my dad, but he's quite mean to me anyway (I can't even remember the last time we had an exchange that wasn't him yelling at me and then me getting offended and yelling back) so I don't expect anything from him, but my mom is supposed to be my mom. She signed up for having a kid and I didn't sign up for being born, so when her child is feeling sick it's her responsibility to help and make it feel safe.

Two nights ago I was feeling sick and casually mentioned it as I was getting water in the kitchen, as I'm so used to feeling sick that I don't let it bother me too much nowadays, and she immediately blew up at me. It was about 10:30pm at the time, and by the time she stopped yelling at me, it was 1:53am. She was accusing me of making everyone always do everything for me. Her main example was that I wasn't taking charge and scheduling doctors appointments for myself, since we're currently going through a bunch of tests to see if there is anything medically wrong with me. Now I would understand that if I had been told I was supposed to, if she hadn't already been scheduling them, or if I had ever scheduled a doctors appointment for myself before (I'm 15!). She also ended up saying multiple times that she is so sick of this and that I am not allowed to come to her for help anymore, just to deal with it by myself. She exasperatedly asked me how I'm not sick of this yet, and I tried to tell her that I am! Feeling sick pretty much non stop has to be worse than having your child come to you and ask for help. I don't know, I'm just feeling very sad and alone even now, two days later. I don't know what to do. She's never been my mother, and I don't know how to deal going forward, how to grow to not need one, since I have only recently become aware that though I might live with my parents, I don't actually have any.

[jumperkar1]

I am so fucking sorry. Excuse my language but that just shows how emotional i am over your post. That is not even fair AT ALL. God, I am just sorry. I am 18 now, and while my mom is very insensitive, I've always had my dad to care about me. I am so sorry you have to deal with that. My parents were kinda like that as well, mostly my mom. They got sick of having to deal with me like this all the time. You are strong and you can get through this. We ALL believe in you and care about you. You are never alone. Feel free to message me for my tumblr/phone number anything if you ever want to talk since I am close to your age so it might be nice. xoxo.

[mdgirl1977]

Just because she gave birth to you doesn't mean she is a mother. I know that may be confusing but some people just aren't equipped. My mother is like that as well and it sucked growing up with her. Now I am an adult and I am the exact opposite with my son.

I am sorry she is treating you this way. You are still a child. Even though you are mature and bright and all that jazz, you are still a teenager in pain and struggling with fear and anxiety and health issues. That is enough. You don't need to be the one making the drs appts since I imagine you aren't driving yourself there. She needs to do it. Period. Do you attend school? Can you talk to your counselor? Maybe you need to get child protective services involved if you are being neglected or emotionally abused (which is what it sounds like). Are you in the US or overseas?

[m.moopz]

Hi Koi,
My name's Madi, and I have been struggling with emet for pretty much my whole life - and my parents were the same way. Their adverse reactions only made things harder for me. I'm sorry that this has to happen to someone else. I am 20 now, and I moved out of my parents right when I turned 18. What helped me was finding other people I could confide in that were more empathetic, like teachers and friends (it is hard to share the phobia with others though, for fear of them not being able to understand).

I just want you to know that I went through what you are going through for a long time, and it can get better. My dad would yell at me and ask me why I was doing "these things" all the time, and there were a few times where both my parents just wanted to send me away. For a long time, I resented them for treating me like I was doing something wrong. But it helped me to step back and realize that they were just hurting seeing me unhappy, and they didn't know how to react productively because no one ever taught them how. This may be the case with your parents, unless they are being especially abusive. In which case, you should find an adult you trust.
I'd love to talk more with you, as I have been through the turmoil of having misunderstanding parents.
Also, do you have any siblings? If so, sometimes it may help to confide in them (if they are of an age that may understand).

[Syrup]

I am sorry you're going through this. A few things, first of all, it sounds like your mom may have a bit of anxiety that she's dealing with. Often anxiety presents as anger. Yes, she 'signed up' for being a mother but that doesn't mean that she just naturally knows how to deal with your issues while she's dealing with her own. It's REALLY difficult (speaking from personal experience here) to deal with someone else's anxiety when you're having to deal with your own.

Second, though the way she's relaying the information to you is beyond faulty, the message she's trying to send to you has some truth. You SHOULD, for your own good, learn to deal with this yourself. Have you heard of the interior and exterior locus of control? Those who deal well with what life deals them have an interior locus of control (having the confidence that they can deal with it without fear or trepidation) and those, like us, with an exterior constantly need reassurance that someone else is going to take care of us and carry us through. Though you are a child and should certainly have a support system in your home at your age you should also be developing tools to be able to do some of this on your own. The difficulty is that you don't seem to have a good coach for that. Perhaps theres a counselor at school you could see for a while to help you to put some of these tools in your toolbox.

I really am sorry that your mom is struggling to care for you. I just wanted to acknowledge the fact that those of us with anxiety disorders ARE exhausting to our caregivers (parents, spouses, children) and we need to see that. I think recognizing the fact that we are more 'work' than the average individual pushes us to seek the help we need and to gain the confidence to heal.

We're here for you. In those moments when your mom can't deal with another minute reach out to us, we totally get it.

[thecheesecake17]

My gosh....I didn't realise how common this kind of behaviour was with parents...I'm very sorry you're going through this! You know what, the strongest thing you can do is let her see you suffer....like that sounds bad but the last time I was almost sick (physically) , I was 16 and I told her very calmly "ugh..yeah...I'm OK but I feel sick. Meh, I'm fine. Probs just my period"... And weirdly she was very sweet and about six hours later after trying to fight it off, I calmly walked to the bathroom to gag and didn't say ONE single thing until both my parents rushed to the bathroom and looked scared (I hadn't been sick in around 7 years) and I just said " ahhh for goodness sake. I think I'm sick guys haha. Hate it so much" and my mum said "why didn't you tell me?" ...and that's when I realised they saw I was trying so hard to fight my fear....ironically its the only time I didn't complain too....

My point is, if you're gonna suffer with this constant n*, whether it's anxiety or not, push hard to keep it to yourself and when you get to breaking point I think she will understand the attitude change she needs. If you lock yourself away, tell her you feel you can't share your issues....
I struggled to tell my mum for one year how I'd had sex and eventually cos of a pregnancy scare I finally broke down and the reaction I got was
'Why didn't you just tell me?'...

Can you talk to her alone in private and explain how severe your fear is?

[pogopig]

Wow, my parents were pretty much exactly the same when I was a kid. I also felt sick all the time (cos I hardly ate due to fear). I ended up having tests at the hospital and they concluded it was 'all in my head.' My mum was furious with me. They constantly embarrassed me and made me feel stupid. This made me so ashamed of having OCD and emetophobia that I never told anyone or got help.

The point is you're not alone. I wish you could get support from your family but that might never happen (I'm 40 now and the subject is NEVER talked about). Any time you feel alone come on here, we know what it's like. Do you have any other family members who are more understanding? Or any friends you can talk to?

[OneBadVato]

I can so relate to you! I am 15 as well and got my phobia when I was 6. I am an only child which in my opinion is what let to my fear. When I was smaller, I used to have awful anxiety attacks which my nausea lasted do like 3 weeks. I used to cry and freak out. My mom has a lot of patience since I'm the only child, but her patience ran out. And she used to tell me everything you said your mom told you. But if she gets mad about her making the appointments, you can also do them. Just call and say you want to see the doctor. You can probably go and see the doctor without your parents. Tell him/her everything if you don't feel comfortable letting your parents know. Maybe you'll even be given some medecine to help you calm down. Also, be sure to let your parents know about your fear. A lot of the times, they don't know a thing how it feels like to have this phobia. I remember being 6 and v*ing or seeing others and just said meh and kept playing. that's what your parents need to see that the phobia makes you see v* as the worst thing in the world.

[Iluvijb]

This made me so sad to read. I haven't really gotten this bad into well into adulthood so I'm not sure how my parents would have reacted, but I know how hard it is for people without a phobia to understand and sympathize. Your mom also sounds very stressed in general. As a mother, I want to think that she loves you dearly and is just not equipped to give you the help you need and she just snapped.

Just know that you have support here and you're not alone. If at all possible, try to start therapy so you have somewhere you can go when you need to talk and have someone to listen. It helped me a ton.

I hope you get the support you need and feel better!

[tiredofitall]

As the mother of an anxious child I am shocked and appalled at your mother's behavior and think both your parents should be ashamed of themselves. You are their child and regardless of how "annoying" dealing with the constant need for reassurance or the constant fear can be there is no reason to yell at A CHILD for being afraid. I have spent and still spend countless hours talking to my son and reassuring him and trying to help him and he's 18! I've been dealing with his fears for his whole life basically and there is no way I would ever yell at him and tell him he is on his own. That's the most horrible thing I've heard in a long time and I'm so very sorry that you have to deal with this in your own. Do you have an aunt, grandmother, or any other relative that you can turn to who isn't heartless and will at least be there for you when you need someone? I just don't understand how any mother can turn their back on a child who is suffering. I hope you are ok at the moment and that you find someone who is understanding and will at least try to help you in some way.

[canonguy1]

that's really awful. but try and remember, you've always got us! i know it's not nearly the same but, you are not alone. i know sometimes it feels impossible to get people to understand this, even our own parents.

[emilyrosemason]

That is rubbish !
Firstly you have all of us here, whenever you post about your fear we will be here for you!
Secondly When i was younger than you i had very unsupportive parents that didn't get it. they would always get angry at me for getting anxious, but eventually they kind of got on board and she might too...
Thirdly this illness is an illness and don't let anyone tell you its not! you will get through this, whether that by yourself or with other people you can do it

[phoenixflames7]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I know the feeling all too well. I have been an emetophobe since before I can remember. I know you're only 15, and SHOULD NOT be dealing with this on your own - but since it appears that you will have to - try to call and make an appointment with your doctor. Talk to him or her about anxiety disorders. I have a hereditary unspecified anxiety disorder which I inherited from my mother's side of the family (and I am in no way diagnosing you since I am not in fact a doctor).. but, lucky me *eye roll*, my anxiety attacks present in the form of n* (ranging from mild to extreme), and can be accompanied by a variety of other symptoms like stomach cramps, d*, sweaty palms, and chills. I am medicated daily and have more potent medication for severe attacks, but over the years I have learned to self-soothe in the form of reading a book or binge watching/reading Harry Potter, which is still my safe haven at 25 years old (no shame! :]). My couch is my safe place when I have an episode.
If you have any questions feel free to message me. This is a difficult phobia, but when you learn your triggers and your safe and soothing practices it can be manageable. I strongly encourage you to talk to your doctor about anxiety if you have not already.
I wish you the best and I hope you feel better sweetheart.

[phoenixflames7]

I can't figure out how to edit, but I would also like to add that the medication makes me feel good and normal again.. I don't obsess over my fear to the point of sickness as much anymore. That's not to say that it doesn't get to me sometimes, just not ALL the time. No more feeling n* all the time. For that, I'll take all the medication I need.
Even if it IS in your head, like mine, it's still treatable