I think I’ve gone off the deep end....

[lilyann]

Hi everyone--I'm fairly new here and was wondering if anyone could help shed some light on this dilemma I have. I've been emet for at least the last 15 years but never had invasive thoughts about it. I haven't v* in almost 11 years even though I've felt n* a few times. I'm pretty sure like a lot of you out there, I have some pretty good defense mechanisms to prevent it. My 6 year old son catches a sv every year[img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img]and every time that has happened I hide and have my husband deals with it. However, this last time, my husband got it too and was v*. I can deal with my son having it, because kids can't help it, but not with my husband. I don't know why. I think part of it is because I can't bear the thought of him doing that since I haven't in 11 years. I keep having pictures in my head of him v* and I am attaching negative thoughts to him now, like he's vile, disgusting, gross, should have more self control, etc. I can't believe he would do something like that, almost like he cheated on me or betrayed me or something. Then I get jealous and want to be like him and act like it was no big deal and just move on. Does this make any sense to anyone? Do you get upset with your partner if they v*? My ex-husband was a drunk and he used to v* a lot. I remember this one time I hit him really hard when he was v* because it made me so upset. Any words of wisdom would be welcome here! I want to get these obsessive thoughts out of my head and love my husband again!!

[meercat]

I was one who got angry at those around me who would v*...but not as much from sv's...mainly drunk reasons! I WILL NOT tolerate drunks who get sick!! THAT pisses me off because they can prevent that..so i can surely understand the anger you had toward your hubby after a drinking binge made him v*.

What you should keep in mind though, is that no one really WANTS to v* and when your hubby gets sick from an sv*, try not to get mad at him..that's something one can't really help. ALSO keep in mind that he takes care of your kids when THEY have one! He's doing what he's supposed to do as a parent, so if he happens to pick up an sv* from your kids, please don't get mad at him! He's stepping in where you can't!!! Be grateful for that, hun! He could be one who says "AHH get over it, and take care of them yourself..you're the mother!!!" But instead he handles it FOR you...what would you do if he wouldn't?

I'm understanding your over-all feeling of anger you get toward ppl who v* around you...cuz i can feel that too, but to get mad at the man who cleans up your kid's v* when you can't...and then get mad at him for picking up the sv* from them? That i really have a hard time with. I'm sorry.

[lilyann]

Hi meercat--Please don't misunderstand me, it's a different kind of mad. More envy I think because I can't be like him. I want to be able to handle it like him and if I get sick and v* to justbrush it off. But I don't v* so I don't understand it. I don't understand why he has to v*. It's not possible that I haven't caught an sv* in the past 15 years. Nobody dodges it for that long. I just choose not to do it. And I guess I think that if he were stronger, he would choose not to either. I try to explain it to him like this: (Bear in mind my 1st husband was a drunk, my current and 2nd husband is an alcoholic that has been in recovery for the past 22 years meaning he has not drank or drugged during this time and goes to a support group every week) I want to be able to catch an sv* and v* like everyone else does and take care of my son when he catches it just like he did, just as he probably wishes he could drink like others do and not have a problem with it. But he can't drink and I can't v*! So I don't drink (haven't at all in the 5 years I've been with him out of respect for him. However, he can't not v* out of respect for me, now can he?

[kellybean]

Hey Liliann, I sort of know how you feel. I see the same pictures in my head when an adult that I know gets sick. Then I think, well if they can get it, then so can I. Then I get angry, sad, worried etc because they actually caught it. When it's because they are drunk, then I getangry,angry because they they did it to themselves and I just think they are stupid. (especially when it's DH, because he knows how I can't deal with v*).

[gubba]

My husband and son both had an SV in November. I was angry as well, but more because I had to do everything like clean toilets, spray light switches etc. with lysol, wash sheets and towels and fear that I was going to get it. I was so stressed from all of it that I was angry, but I wasn't angry at my husband. He was like your husband and it was no big deal. He even wanted food several hours later...I would have not eaten for a week. Anyway, I do understand that you got mad that you could not just V* so easily and I wish we all could...there would be no need for this place if we all could. I am certain that my anger comes from me not wanting to catch it!!!

[liriodendron]

Yes I know what you mean I used to get those feelings when a close
friend would get sick. They go away shortly after but yes. Perfectly
normal. Sort of an annoyed feeling for lack of a better descriptor.

[crimgoddess]

A problem here is that we can't hold other people up to our standards when it comes to vomitting/being sick. Just because many of us have managed to avoid it- it's really unfeasable to expect everyone to do the same. I'm a vegetarian- even though I definitely think it's the healthiest and most ethical way of living- I can't expect everyone to give up meat. LOL- if it was easy to *not* be sick- no one would ever vomit again!


Lilyann- I understand how you feel. When I get sick and my boyfriend takes care of me (and I'm sick often)- I feel really bad because I know that when he is ill to the point of vomitting I won't be able to do the same. He knows this, and doesn't expect it- but it doesn't stop me from feeling guilty.


*amber*

[dord]

I worry more about my husband getting sick than my son because he is so voilent about it and when he gets it - it's always bad like he's dying. I don't feel anger toward him but those feelings of wanting to run away and just wishing it would stop are definitely there. I've never understood really how to care for someone when they are sick - really, what cana person do but offer wet washclothes for their face and ice chips? What do you all do for your family members when they are sick? I never feel like I do enough - and I feel helpless. I just want them to get well and quit V. I guess I don't understand because when I'm sick like that I wish I was the only person on the earth! I don't want anyone near me - it makes me feel more nauseas if someone is around.