OT - Dealing with inlaws

[aguerra29]

I am such a terrible person. I can't stand my inlaws. They haven't really done anything wrong, but I can't stand them. I really don't know what my problem is. Well, my mother in law is crazy white trash. She's old, onory, miserable, complainy, deaf, blind, stupid. She gave my husband nail clippers for his 30th birthday last year and last Christmas gave us fire extinguishers. And not only does she give crappy gifts, she's proud of her selections. My sister-in-law was a utter and complete bitch throughout all of the wedding planning process. Just hurtful and mean. SHe told me my dress wasn't fancy enough, she told me I was stupid for wanting the bridesmaids to wear black shoes, she refused to come to my bachelorette party. And to this day, she say she did nothing wrong.

When my mother-in-law comes over we HAVE to give her rules to follow. Like - close the door when you go to the bathroom, don't change your clothes in the dining room, please cover up your saggy old body when lounging around the house.

I don't know why my husband's family angers me so badly. I guess I am just pissed off that she is alive and my mom isn't. We would be better off if my mom were the mom that was alive. Do you know how wonderful my mom would be a gift giving?

All of these crazy people are coming to my house for Christmas. DOes anyone else think it is odd to have people spend the night when we live 20 minutes apart???? They wil be at my house for like 3 days. My dad and his wife will be here too.

My husbands family is so draining of your energy and we are going to expose my dad to their crazy antics.

Like the holidays are not stessful enough people???????

[jesskali]

That is odd that they are staying at your house when they don't live that far away! Who's idea was that [img]smileys/smilies_10.gif[/img] !

In-laws can be so aggravating. My mother-in-law and father-in-law are OK, but I really can't stand my husband's sister. She is 30 years old, but she is so self-centered and wants all attention to be on her when the family is together. It really gets on my nerves! Fortunately, she lives about 4 hours away so I only have to put up with her on holidays. She usually gives kind of crappy gifts, too. She made me a duct tape purse last year, which she thought was just wonderful, but it is still laying in my closet. Don't think I'll ever be carrying THAT!


Jess

[jennyleigh1975]

I could go on, and on and ON about crazy in-laws. My sister in law is the craziest one of the whole bunch though. She is a complete and total b**ch!! She is almost thirty years old and she has four children ........ all four of them were fathered by guys that have been in prison. She doesnt pay her bills, her moma has to bail her out of crap all the time. She has so many speeding tickets that she hasnt paid that they suspended her license, she has no insurance, and her tag is expired. She will get mad at her mom and cal her an f'n b**ch to her face, even after all the help her mom is giving her. She even gets food stamps, but she sells them and then still doenst have any food to feed her children.

Then, theres my bother in law. He met a girl on the internet, moved to where she lives ......... 800 miles from his home, but before he left ............. he went and borrowed over $10,000 and hasnt paid a payment on any of it ........... and guess who they are calling ...........US.

This crap is just the tip of the ice burg with my in-laws, I could go on and on. Im sure I'll have more to add later.

I really do love my mother and father in law, but there are alot of things that go on in the family that I dont like.

aguerra29 .......... your mother in law sounds like a piece of work. I'd just tell that sister in law of yorus she could stick it where the sun dont shine!! If you were happy with your wedding, its only your opinion that counts!! Tell her to stuff it!! And yes, I do think its weird for people that only liver 20 mins away from you to spend the night, they should go home and give you a break!!

[tayda]

jesscali- YOU DESCRIBED MIKE'S SISTER TO A "T"!! I CANNOT STTAAAAND her... she is such a you know what!! But she lives in Florida.. (and mikes parents moved there too recently... now they expect us all to go down there and move FOR THEM...) So we'll be spending the holidays apart.


I'm sorry to make this about me, (you guys hit a sore spot)


I can totally relate w/ in-laws.. and that is why there are so many "wacky in-law movies" b/c they are like that!





sorry about your mum

[sillygirl]

I have my share of in-law gripes as well. Mine live about an hour and a half away, up in the mountains. I have a four year old brother in law who we love like our own son, and he comes down to stay with us sometimes. When my mother in law sends him down, she never packs the right clothes so I always have to go out and buy some. One time she sent him down with only shirts, no pant, no shorts, NOTHING for the bottom half. I had no choice but to take him out shopping. Last time he came down, it was about 20 degrees, cold, snowy, and she sent him down tank tops. Again, I had to go buy him long sleeve shirts so he didn't freeze. I swear she does it just so she never has to buy him new clothes.


Now the baby stuff. When my brother in law was born he had colic so we bought him a swing, fully intending to get it back for our own kids. Now that I'm pregnant, we mentioned the swing to my mother in law and she said she has to get it back from the hospital. She is a nurse and she lent it to the pedetrics unit for the last 4 years. That really ticked me off! I don't want it back now. I'm sure it wasn't well taken care of. I am about 10 1/2 weeks pregnant, and the doctor said our big ultrasound will be at 20 weeks to determine the sex and everything. The other day she told me that before I schedule the appointment I have to call her so she can make sure it is on a day that she can come. NO WAY AM I LETTING HER COME! I don't even really want her there for the birth. She is a really nice lady, but she has her opinions and I know she will think that some of the choices I am making are wrong. Plus, I hate it when she is there with doctors since she is a nurse, they end up talking in medical lingo and I don't know what's going on. UGH!!


Sorry to take over here. These last couple things just happened within the last week and I am stil upset about them. At least they are only coming to our housefor a couple of hours on Christmas Eve!

[hollyjean]

wow i have probs with my bfs mum too, she is always trying to split us up. She has arthritis and makes sure everyone she meets knows she is disabled. She thinks that the world owes her something. She lives entirely off benefits because she couldnt be bothered to continue her job which was 3 hours, 4 days a week! The worst thing of all, she will not let my bf grow up. He is 20 years old and has todo everything she says, he has to go to bed when she says incase she wakes him up, he has to do absolutely everything for her, and pay her a stupid amount of rent. We went out one night for dinner and she calls him screaming that he had to come home right that second to make her bed for her. If she is really as helpless as she makes out she is, she should get help. He is an adult now and needs to have his own life, she cant expect him to give up his life to care for her. I cant ever see him mobving out because of the guilt trip she pulls on him.


She is terrible with gifts too. This year she has bought him an ex rental dvd from blockbusters, she wouldnt even buy a new one, its second hand. This is fair enough if she has no money but the cow then had the cheek to ask him to buy her one of these huge flat plasma screen tvsfor christmas! She has also just bought herself a surround sound dvd player, computer moniter etc. I feel bad for him because he doesnt get gifts from other people, i know material things do not matter much to him, but he just gets so excited if he has something to unwrap, iv spoilt him a bit this year and got him a psp but hes also got lots of little presents like socks, sweets etc because i know he would be so excited to have a small pile of presents, he had never had that before we were together.

[crimgoddess]

.....at least you guys are getting gifts from your inlaws- as crappy as they are. My boyfriend's mother doesn't buy him ANYTHING for Xmas or his birthday. She left when my boyfriend was young (he and his brothers were raised by their dad), and although I don't think my boyfriend would admit it, he resents her for it. She lives an hour and a half away- and he visits as little as possible (he can only really be in the same room with her for about an hour/hour and a half tops)- not that it makes a difference, because his mom would never come up here to visit.


To make matters even better- his parents haven't spoken to each other in about 20 years- to the point that if one calls the other, they just hang up. It was a really volatile relationship- but you would think 20 years would be long enough to make ammends. I'm just picturing our wedding.....how the hell are we supposed to work around this one?


I feel really bad for him this year......not only will mom not get him anything, but he's working both Xmas eve and Xmas day, I'm six hours away at my parents house, and apparently his family isn't planning on having any sort of gathering (his grandfather died a few weeks ago and now there is some drama going on).





*amber*

[hippychick]

All these stories are so bad and Hollyjean I feel for your BF *kiss* Poor guy must be torn between caring for his mum and moving on blss him. I don't have any in-laws and I adored my ex-Gf's family, I miss them sometimes lol but my grandparents ie my Mum's in-laws? Now I've got a few stories on them!


They are my Dads parents and very religious and OMG the most annoying people you will meet lol They believe THEY are right all the time, because they go to church they think they are better than everything else. But the absolute worst thing they ever did was to blam my mum for my Dads suicide. Can you imagine that? My mum lost her husband, was alone with 2 kids and they BLAMED her it was awful. I pretty much stopped seeing them as soon as I could but my sister wouldn't because she doesn't see the things they do. They used to pick my mum apart anytime they came over. One time I overheard my Granny say to my Grandad that my mum didn't look after us (BULLSH*T) and they used to quiz me anytime I went over there. They are awful people.


And the worst of it is that my Dads brother pretty much stopped seeing us becausehe wanted to keep his mum happy so she would babysit for him. So yeah my Mum has suffered the in-laws from hell. For my sisters 18th birthday they got her a scarf.......not even a nice scarf a really cheap and nasty one!


Since we moved my Mum and I have no contact with them at all but my sister insists on sending them christmas presents etc. I think she doesn't wanna believe they are bad but it really hurts my mum because my sister will yell at her and tell her that they are her family. They are spiteful, hateful people who made a terrible situation for my mother worse and I won't forgive them for that.


Besides if they ever find out I'm gay they'd disown me anyway [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[hollyjean]

awww thats really sad crimgoddess, is there no way you can see him maybe a few days after christmas? My bf is working xmas eve, boxing day, new years eve and newyears day. His mum does nothing at christmas, she just sits on her a*** and watch tv all day (as she does everyday) so he is coming to my house for christmas, at least then he would get a proper dinner. His mum is throwing fits about it and wants him to stay with her, she doesnt actually care about it, she doesnt want to do anything for christmas, she is just causing trouble because she doesnt want him to see me. I dont know why she hates me so much, i would do anything for him and i already do, we have been together along time and she knows i look after him, maybe she is jealous because he is the youngest, his sister is married with kids and she doesnt want him to grow up, but still she cannot blame me for that.

[aguerra29]

Well at least I'm not alone. My husband makes me feel like I'm a horrible person cuz his people annoy the crap out of me. He expects me to be there for him cuz his family drives him crazy too. THEN WHY DO YOU INVITE THEM OVER FOR 3 FREAKING DAYS????

My dad lives in upstate New York, I never get to see him. Maybe twice a year. I would like some quality family time with him - not with his wacky people.

I could go on and on for days about all the wacked out crazy stuff they do. My sister in law deliberately gets people wedding gifts not on their registry. If they wanted that discount store crap they would have asked for it.

So how do all of you with the crazy inlaws deal with it and how do you handle it with your husbands?

[hollyjean]

I dont know if my opinion counts because im not married, but i dont know how to deal with it either. I try so hard to be nice to her but she sees everything i do as bad. She acts all sickly sweet sometimes but drops insults. Im at a local university so come home at the weekends and she slags me off that if i really loved him i wouldnt leave him like that! i just really do not know how to respond, if i try to retaliate, i risk upsetting my bf, he does not see everything she does. We have argued so many times over this, i try to get him to stand up to her himself but he takes it the wrong way that im trying to control him, but really thats exactly what she is doing to him!


I really do not know how to cope with this either, i would be interested to hear advise from others too.

[curly wurly]

My mother in law is also very hard to put up with, but I somehow manage to keep ignoring the very nasty comments and have now come to expect her to be nasty. I used to blame myself but now realise it is mother in law with the problem. She is a control freak and when things do not go her way she has a little tantrum and yells at everyone. She is even cruel to her own children especially my sister in law who is reduced to tears by her on every visit and has had to have couselling to come to terms with her childhood.


I have to spend Christmas with my mother and father in law even though my husband is working away as he is in the Merchant Navy. I spent last year with my mum and mother in law made me feel terrible, telling me I had "ripped her heart out" as she did not see my children on Christmas day, so this year she has got her way and I have agreed to spend Christmas day with her. I am dreading it. i am not at all bothered about gifts but I so much want to be with my mum especially as my mum has only just come out of hospital as she has breast cancer and had to have a lump removed. I know I have to stay happy for my children but I wish my mother in law was not so selfish and a bully.

[californiagirl]

While we're on the subject, I'll tell you guys something pretty gross: OK, my ex-hubby was a total Mama's Boy" to the point of being ridiculous. One night, we were at his parents house having a Bar B Que, and his mother was preparing the hot dogs. She put a hot dog on a bun for me, handed it to me, and said, "I bet this is about the size of Stephen's, huh?" I kid you not! I was so grossed out!!! His dad was a freak, and his sister was a total b**ch!!!!! My current hubby's parents are dead, but his mother sounds like a total sweetheart, I wish I could have known her. His dad on the other hand, is the reason my hubby is the way he is: a scrooge!!!!! He was grouchy, mean, and didn't allow fun in his household. Well, my hubby's the same way--UGH!!!! So, for Christmas, I am not allowed to get people anything, not even my 2 sons who live with their father! I had to get them gifts and pay for them out of my business account. People send us gifts, and I feel so bad that we don't send them s**t!!! My daughter and I always try to make Christmas and birthdays special for hubby because we like to see him smile, well, we did the same thong this time, and so far there's nothing under the tree for me from him. I guess he's gonna go get me something, because my daughter pretty much is forcing him too, and the reason we got my daughter (who lives with us) something, is because I persisted. GEEZ!!!!!!!! Edited by: californiagirl

[tayda]

I really do not know how to cope with this either, i would be interested to hear advise from others too.

I had a relationship like that and I dumped the kid and never looked back! I know it sounds heartless, but people have to grow up and compromise sometimes, and I was always getting the Sh** end of the stick.


So I got fed up, and told him that relationships don't work when your parents dictate your relationship

[hollyjean]

That is really gross! My bfs mum tries to pry into our personal life, she once started asking me if i had done certain things with him and told me in detail about the afairs she had on his dad. She also lets him have no privacy. I was round there a while ago and was sitting in my bf room whilst he was still in the bath and she just walked in on him without knocking or anything. She does this when we are in his room too. He bought some locks a while ago and put them on the bathroom and bedroom door but she just kept taking them off and throwing them away! I really do not how to deal with it, my bf and i never have time alone unless he comes to stay with me at uni which is no more than once a month because he works late.

[curly wurly]

My mother in law also prys into our private life and gives all the details of hers yuck! She also never shuts her bathroom door when in the shower or on the toilet. I find it very embarrassing especially now I have 2 children. She also does a lot of noisey, very smelly wind passing which is just awful. She makes sure everyone knows about it.

[liriodendron]

Hey what's wrong with fire extinguishers as a gift?[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]



I know they aren't the most exciting gift in the world but it's a good thing to have around when I'm in the kitchen!

[samara's on tv]

I don't have any in-laws yet...and now I'm seeing that I probably don't really want any LOL! Anyway I have a HUGE family, my dad is one of 10 kids in his family. So don't get me started on how crazy my aunts, uncles, and cousins are!


My parents are the worst though. My dad just bought my sister a brand new laptop (and that's not even her Christmas gift!) She is getting a digital camera for Christmas...plus spending money for when she goes to London. I also just recently found out that SHE gets the CAR! See we have three cars now, One for my dad, one for my mom, and one for my sister Laura to drive to school in. Well When Laura goes off to college I can't even have the CAR. It'll be a whole nother YEAR until my other sister Liz will need it for her "Job" or whatever. I'm so pissed off!


Sorry just had to vent!


~Monica

[californiagirl]

Hey what's wrong with fire extinguishers as a gift?[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

I know they aren't the most exciting gift in the world but it's a good thing to have around when I'm in the kitchen!

Or to spray in a burglars face.....

[tayda]

Hey what's wrong with fire extinguishers as a gift?[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

I know they aren't the most exciting gift in the world but it's a good thing to have around when I'm in the kitchen!

Or to spray in a burglars face.....

LOL.. ooorrr to set off in your in-laws lawn in celebration of the new year [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[californiagirl]

Hey what's wrong with fire extinguishers as a gift?[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

I know they aren't the most exciting gift in the world but it's a good thing to have around when I'm in the kitchen!

Or to spray in a burglars face.....

LOL.. ooorrr to set off in your in-laws lawn in celebration of the new year [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

Hey, like fake snow!!!

[crimgoddess]

<<<awww thats really sad crimgoddess, is there no way you can see him maybe a few days after christmas??>>>


thanks holly- we're going to be spending New Years together- and I'm usually over at his place every second night. I just feel bad that he's missing out on Xmas- especially since my family makes a huge deal out of it (my parents are having 65 people over to their house on Xmas eve. God help me).


At least when I get backto Ottawaon the 27th I'll be bringing back something I know he wants- my parents are buying him a printer/scanner/fax.


*amber*

[stella9]

As I read your post all I could think of was "Jerry, Jerry..." as in the Jerry Spring Show. Yuck.


Can't you go away for the holidays? If it were me, and its not thank heaven above, I would make a tradition of going away for Christmas and drop the gifts off on the way to the airport. Hand them the gifts, give a quick smooch and wave from the car. Your in-laws can strip for the neighbors, clip their toenails,and pee on the lawn for all you care, you'll be gone.


Stella

[aguerra29]

The problem with that Stella is that my freaking sister-in-law wants to come with us. SHe just doesn't get it that we want to get away from her. But that is aour plan for nex year. Go away on a ski trip over Christmas.

[stella9]

And I want to be a supermodel - it ain't happening.


Sorry, no sister-in-laws allowed.


Stella

[jennyleigh1975]

Every year I say that we are going to go somewhere for Christmas so that I dont have to endure the in-laws, but every year we end up staying. Not so much because of my in-laws, but because I want my children to wake up at our home and open their presents. I want Christmas morning at my house. Atleast if we were to go out of town for Christmas, I wouldnt have to worry about any of my in-laws tagging along, no one else could afford a trip. Come to think of it, I'll just send the in-laws on a trip next year!!!! LOL!! Wish I could afford to do that!!

I am already dreading tomorrow night, I have already told my husband that if anyone decides to start raising cain, I will be taking our children and going home!!!!

[californiagirl]

SPEAKING OF SIS-IN-LAWS: I NEED YOUR INPUT - - - - - - - -


OK, my sis-in-law from Boston sent us a box with gifts. CONFESSION: I peeked a little, know what everyone's getting from her.


My daughter got a RED SOX cap (gee, what else!!), and $20.00. I got $20.00, and hubby got $50.00!!!! Ok, I feel like this is a kick in the ass!!!! Please tell me, is it NOT unfair that I got the least here???? And $50, I really don't think it's fair to give each member of a couple different amounts of $$$, no matter WHO they are! I am not selfish when it comes to receiving rather than giving at Christmas, but I think this is just plain rude! What do you guys think----would you be pi**ed too?? WTF?!?!?!?

[crimgoddess]

Hmmmmm......


I know for myself, I always get my brother a more expensive gift then his partner- only because he's my brother- and that won't ever change (whereas the divorce rate is hovering at 50%). I don't really feel obligated to givehis SO something of equal value. And I don't feel as though my boyfriend's brothers should get me something of equal value as they got their brother- because there just isn't the history there of growing up with someone, and being of close blood relation.


However- I think it is somewhat tasteless to give money- because the discrepancy is a bit obvious. At least when it's actual items, its not as blatant.


*amber*

[stella9]

This is why Christmas has gotten so out of hand. What is the true meaning? The whole icky family thing is disgusting. In-laws are a part of every horrible family situation. At thesame token we don't have to take the abuse they feel they have the right to bestow upon us.


I have my horrible sister-in-law (husband's brother). I was very pleasant to her when my husband and I first got together. Then I learned how terrible she was to my late wonderful mother-in-law. She was even more wretched to my father-in-law, who is as dear as the day is long. She hateshis lady friend, who is lovely to a fault. Later I find, she cut just about everyone out of my brother-in-law's life who mattered to him, like his best friend from college, law school, etc. She was screamngly rude to me every chance she got early in my marriage to my husbad. Then she topped the cake. Her 6 children adored my husband and myself. We lavished them with gifts when they were young and we were childless. She, of course, cut that cord too and told the children we were terrrible people.


Now fast foward to 2005. I don't let my children around her ---- period. Who knows what she would say to them. Its not an open forum. In fact, my father-in-law wanted to take the family out to breakfast tomorrow morning. Ummm - the answer is no. Now, we move on. I stand my ground and that is it. We do not have to take people's BS because they are related. It does NOT come with theterritory, although the whole world thinks it does.


Stella

[curly wurly]

I am just home from spending today with mother and father in law. I actually felt quite sorry for them. Father in law was grumpy and very snappy at my children. Mother in law had her usual sour tongue and dropped some nasty comments. I just concerntrated on making my childrens day fantastic. As I left I politely kissed and thanked mother in law for a nice day. She just mumbled a goodbye and did not even mange a smile. She could have had a fantastic Christmas with her 2 little grandchildren but instead she decided to sulk all day and feel sorry for herself. It is just so sad that she feels so bitter about everyone. I tried really hard to make her Christmas nice this year but she just did not want to have a good time.