N* attack in presentation/Encouragement for you all

[thecheesecake17]

Sorry if this is long! I'm hoping this will prove that a heck of a lot of n* is strongly induced by bad bad anxiety. I had an emets worst nightmare today...
I study Popular music at Uni and have a great time. Going into class usually takes my mind off my usual panics and I end up forgetting I even have a phobia for the most part. Until, of course, I have a mild/moderate or severe n* attack.

It didn't happen in so long in Uni itself, at least not to set me into a proper panic, BUT.... Today I had one. A sudden but almost moderate random attack. And you know what? For once I can confidently say it was anxiety.

And why?

We each had to present a 10-minute presentation today based on one of our compositions(verrry sweet task, albeit nerve wracking!) And as I don't usually eat on assessment/exam days, I was very pleased to have been able to eat a "normal" amount of food all throughout the day until 2pm. I didn't feel nerves until five minutes before I went up in front of my two very serious lecturers. To my horror my damn presentation wouldn't work on the program they had ready. I was calm and collected, apologising consistently as I set-up the version they wanted. When it was finally time to start, the panic set in - my classic stage fright got me shaking a little, red in the face, blurry, foggy and I could feel myself rushing through each slide. Then...

I felt something very very sly and sudden in my stomach, something i had never experienced but had feared, an "unwell" feeling..which made me lose my breath...it was n*. I couldn't believe it. All day, since I'd woken up from 7/8am, I was eating perfectly, laughing, chatting with everyone. I wanted to say to myself "are you freaking kidding me!!" I looked at my slides and saw that I had ELEVEN slides left. Eleven slides full of around 5 paragraphs in each - how was I gonna get through this? Cue mild panic attack. I fought the n* and refused to stop. I played one of the audio tracks and very very calmly reached into my pocket for a mint(I WASNT GONNA TAKE ONE IN, THANK GOD I DID) And amazingly, I carried on. Panicked, but I did everything I planned. I refused to look at both my lecturers, humiliated by my stressy-fast paced voice and literally did everything I could to focus on what I was doing.

I must confess, as soon as I left the room, I was still shaking but I was 98% sure I was well. That made me feel good. It's a big coincedence that I felt that after my little panic attack.

Anyway!
Don't underestimate anxiety, folks.
It tricked me into thinking I was proper sick within two seconds when all day I was eating and drinking completely normal for the first time in ages. The feeling vanished in five mins, but the damn incident lingered in my head for a whole hour despite feeling perfect. The second you confirm that you are COMPLETELY fine, Id suggest moving on to your next task of the day. I wanted to prove that I was OK so I went and bought some tacos tonight and me and my boyfriend have been cooking meatballs, burgers, Mexican food and snacking. I have a few days off and feel "secure" that I have no assessments to worry about , even if I feel n*.= that says ALOT about anxiety.

Sorry this was so long!!!