what to do

[brina85]

i need some advice please im a mother of 2 kids a 3 year old girl and a 1 year old boy. well my three old is nottalking right like she repeats everything we do and my parents say she needs to go to preschool to learn because shes not learning being home which i dont think is true but i just dont know im so scared to put her in preschool cause im scared she will always be sick but i know she would love it cause she loves other kids and she is such a loving little girl but im scared what do i do i fell like a bad mom for thinking this way [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img] what do i do

[crystalmom]

Preschool can be a good thing...and it can be a very bad thing. I put my son in at 3 1/2, mostly b/c I figured that it was something I had to do. He lasted 40 minutes, the school called and made me come get him. He was terrified. He is almost 5 now, and will be starting Kindergarden in the fall. He HATES even the term 'school', he won't look at them or anything. I have never been the 'pushy' my-kid-knows-it-all type, and never really tried to "make" him learn things. Yet, he knows his alphebet and can count to 20. Just everyday things gets them to learn that.


Whatever you do, don't feel bad about being an emet. You can't help it...none of us can!


Crystal

[brina85]

i know crystal but i hate feeling this way i feel my daugther would love school and she would ahve such a great time in school and i feel im holding her back cause of this dumb phobia why me

[crimgoddess]

Why any of us really....we're just lucky I guess


I'm not saying kids don't learn in the home (especially at that age)- but preschools have a lot that you can't necessarily provide in terms of interactive materials, interaction with other kids, getting used to a 'school' environment, etc. I don't know what the situation is where you live- but in Canada kindergarten starts at age 4- so having the experience in that type of setting a year earlier may make her actual transition into school a lot easier (for her and for you)


What about only putting her in one or two days a week? Start off slow so you may not be as anxious as if she would be going 5 days a week. If she really likes it, and is enthusiastic about it, it may make you less anxious because you will see what she is getting out of it.


Kids will get sick regardless of whether or not they are in preschool/school. Sure, it may increase their odds of getting certain types of illnesses (because kids are touchy-feely and don't necessarily know all the rules of hygiene), but them NOT being in school doesn't mean that they will get a free pass from every virus or cold that goes around. Their immune systems just aren't fully developped yet- and being sick when you are young builds up your immune system so that you are better able to fight it off when you are older. You worrying about her getting sick probably will still be there in a year or two when she starts kindergarten- so why not ease yourself into it slowly?


BTW- Bad moms lock their kids in closets or forget to feed them- worrying about them definitely does NOT make you a bad mom!


*amnber*

[shiva]

When I was a stay at home mom I sent my daughter to pre-school. It was mainly because she's an only child and I wanted her to enjoy other kids. She only went 3 days a week for 1/2 day and I was very choosy about the pre-school that I sent her to. I even drove her 30 min. away for one that I was comfortable with. The teachers knew my concerns and I was able to talk freely with them about whether kids had been sick and I made sure that hand washing was enforced. I know my daughter appreciated the experience, and I am sure it made for an easier kindergarten transition. But, had I had other kids at home that she could spend time with, my decision might have been different. You have to be comfortable with your decision. I just wanted you to realize that you have options as far as where you send her. And, the teachers will not think you are nuts if you ask questions. They will simply know you care.

[brina85]

thank you all for your help i needed someone else to talk to about this and what better then a fellow emet also i will see what i do i was thinking for myself to teach her and sit down and soend time with her and teach her cause i feel im not ready yet for her to go off to school but when i am maybe when she is four i will do it like amber said one day a week to see how it goes thank you all for your concerns sabrina[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[stella9]

Sabrina,


Preschool is a very personal decision. When we were kids, most children did not start school until kindergarten - maybe nursery school. Now, children go to "preschool" as early as age 2. There are pluses and minuses to both situations.


Preschool is a great way for children to learn and socialize. Finding a short day, a few times a week, is an ideal solution. Many schools have two or three half day programs. It is just perfect for the little ones.


A very small minority of children are not ready for preschool at 3.5 years old, but the majority are.Its finding the right schoolfor your child that is the challenge. Children are social beings and want to play with other children.Not all preschools are created equal and one that is great for one child can be a nightmare foranother child.


My sonhated his first preschool experience. It was so horrendous that when I left him at school, hecarried on so badly that he foamed at the mouth.After four days of that school, I took him out and found another one that he adored.It was three mornings a week for three hours. He absolutely loved it. He could not wait until the"fours" which he loved. Onne dayI had to keep him home because he had a fever. Hethrewsuch a fit about missing school that hehad me call the teacher so he could talk to her. He hated his kindergarten because he was bored. He now attends an accelerated boys' school, for first grade, and loves every minute there.


The only problem with not sending your child to preschool is the "catch-up" she will have to endure to stay on par with her peers. Because so many children go to preschool, kindergarten is no longer a fingerpainting only arena. It is analogous to what we knew as first grade. First grade is more like our second grade was and so on. Those children who don't have preschool experiences are often disadvantaged on several levels. That is not to say that they don't catch up, but it is another hurdle for them to overcome.


If you are keeping your child home because of your emet, realize that at some point she will have to be exposed to other children and their germs. The sooner this happens, the better. She will get sick (yep, svs and all ), but she will gain immunity and you will have less sickness as she moves into lower school. You also don't want to pass your emet onto her. Let your legacy be learning, not emet.


Hopefully, this is helpful. I know it is scary. Having emet really distorts all of our perceptions and can hinder our children's positive life experiences. Like all of the moms here, we struggle with it every nanosecond of everyday.


Stella

[crystalmom]

crimgodess....what province are you in??? In Alberta, they have to be 5 by December 31 of that year to be able to go to Kindergarden. Since my son has a March b-day, he will be 5.5 years when he starts Kindergarden. On the other hand, my friends daughter had a December b-day, so she did start at age 4.


Personally, I think 4 is too young. Let kids have some fun before they start what could be 16-25 years of school.


I also think they expect too much of kids to even start kindergarden. Here, they HAVE to know their alphabet and count to ten, AND be able to print their name. I certainly never had to do this when I started kindergarden in 1982. How much pressure do we need to put on kids now days????


My opinion only!! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]


Crystal


PS...I can't wait for him to start though, he's driving me crazy...lmao!

[crimgoddess]

I'm in Ontario- and you have to be 4 by december 31st of that year in order to be enrolled (although I do know some people who were allowed to enroll their child a year earlier because they were advanced for their age and wanted their kids to have a headstart). So, your child could be starting at age 3 if they have a later birthday. We also have Junior Kindergarten and Senior Kindergarten- so they have 2 years of school before the start of grade 1.


I think that 4 is really the ideal age- by that time they are out of diapers, and are able to sit still for a sufficient period of time to be introduced to 'classroom'-type learning. When I have kids and if they were like me(I was able to read and write by age 3), I'm certainly going to try to get them into school earlier- or put them in a montessori school, where many have the starting age of 3.


Although I have not heard of any stipulations in Ontario for starting kindergarten (unless your child is going to a private school)- I don't think it is unreasonable for a child to know his/her alphabet, count to ten, or print their name by age 5. At least if parents know this is the expectation, they can spend some time working on this with their child, so they won't start school already behind a lot of the other kids (or even end up having to repeat kindergarten).


I don't think it's necessarily a pressure thing, but rather something to ensure that all kids start at about the same level, and the teacher doesn't have to teach some kids the basics while the other kids sit around bored because it's old news to them. Let's face it - they are going to face a certain amount of pressure regarless, especially when they get into grade 1 and 2, where they need to start learning the multiplication tables, rudimentary rules of science, and spelling and grammar. Although they are still little- these are things they really need to know, and if they don't, or aren't made to- they will just end up more behind later on.


....and school IS fun! Maybe I'm just a geek (who is currently on her 20th year of school), but I had a lot of fun at school when I was a kid. Igot the chance to meet people I wouldn't have otherwise ever known (I was driven everyday to a school 40 minutes from home because they had a better french immersion program), and do larger-scale art projects, and play sports that I would have not been able to do at home. Apparently when I started kindergarten (1985), I would get pissed if I had to miss a day for something (sick, family in town, travelling).


*amber*