my boyfriend

[tabycat]

so, for the past two years around valentine's my boyfriend has gotten a sv, or something of the sort. LAst year it was the night before valentine's day and I could barely go see him on valentine's, I spent like 10 minutes with him and then had to leave. This year it was 4 days before which looks good for valentine's, but not for this weekend. I'm missing my first class right now because I'm crying and my heart rate is at about 100/min...when it's usually about 73 and that's slowed down. I'm worried about the rest of our lives, right now I can just stay at my house and he can stay at his and we can talk on the phone and then when it's all said and done we can see eachother and what not. But we've been talking about getting married, and I don't see how I can marry someone that I think is going to be sick every year. I just can't deal with this right now, I mean I'm in therapy trying to handle all this, and he was describing everything that happened to me and was surprised that I took it as well as I did, and I told him it was because I knew the only way I was talking to him or getting anywhere near him was through the phone, and depending on how he feels tomorrow we may be able to see eachother for a little while, I dont know we'll see. I'm just freaking out right now because my boyfriend is sick, and my best friend is also sick(not with a sv) but she can't like go out and do anything because she's so run down. So where does that leave me tonight...I duno I just need something to distract me right now but nothing's working

[ontariogirl]

tabycat, don't say no to marriage just because he is sick every year. People get sick every year and some people don't. Is your boyfriend supportive about this phobia? Don't let this phobia ruin your relationship with this man.
How are you feeling now? Have you calmed down?

[tabycat]

everytime I think about it I kidn of freak out. And I know I won't let it ruin our relationship. It's just hard. I think why did I get stuck loving someone who gets sick all the time? I mean I know it's not his fault and he can't control it, I just wish things were different. this is the first time I've cried about it at all. I just don't know what to do. I'm about to go to school I don't need to miss anymore than I already have...I'll go to my 10:00 class and hopefully things will get better....

[happyteacher]

it's okay tabycat!


I totally agree with ontariogirl, please don't say no to marriage because of this. I am exactly like you, I fear others more than anything else in the world, contagious or not! I would rather vomit 10x over before being around someone else!


I got married on October 2004 and I lived with my husband for a year before we were married. When we were looking for somewhere to live, we looked for a 2 bedroom condo to live in for this reason. Even though my husband has only had a stomach virus once in the 4 years we have been together (before we lived together), I wanted that peace of mind that I could go somewhere else in the condo if I needed to. Knowing that helps.


If you love him, being with him outweighs anything. It sounds like you have a supportive one, so hang on to him, I definitely do [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]. Remember, you are going to therapy and it won't always be this way.


This too will pass. PM me if you want, I'm home today (PD day from school, yippee!).





happyteacher

[s0ccer_princess]

I know it's often hard to think rationally about this phobia, but if you think about it scientifically, there is no reason why a person should get ill at exactly the same time every year, unless they are particularly run down always at that time of year.

If your boyfriend is supportive, he won't expect you to always be with him when he's ill.

I don't think you should compromise your happiness in saying no to marriage. Lots of people get ill, others don't get ill so much. Just remember that the valentines day thing is almost definitely only a coincidence.

Good luck!

[rubysoho120]

I think we all worry about this. I love my boyfriend, and I would
totally freak out if he is sick, but love is stronger than this
phobia right? I can't wait to marry him, but I have too, because
hes too young to get married, and its so hard to wait. I just
want to jump start our lifes together. I do live with him now. If
you need support you know we are always here.

[tabycat]

yeah I totally understand the feeling of him being too young....what is
it with us older women, I duno. I'm really too young mentally at
least right now. but we've been dating for almost two years
now. And the two bedroom condo thing totally makes sense to
me. I was thinking about that too, that we should make sure that
we have two bedrooms and probably two bathrooms before we decided to
move in together. I have a 2bed/1bath condo right now, and I know
if we decided to live there(my parents own it) that they would let us
stay there as long as we were willing to pay rent. So yeah I'm
not too worried about it right now. And he's doing a lot better
right now he hasn't gotten sick since about 8AM, and I've talked to him
a bunch and mostly he just sounds worn out from it all, he says he
thinks he'll be ok to hang out tomorrow but that he doesn't want to go
to our friends party because he doesn't like watching movies with other
people. And I mean things are better now then they were this
morning which is alwayz good right?

[marby]

Tabycat:


Happyteacher is right on the money with this. I married someone who v* at the drop of a dime and sometimes ask myslef what on earth I was thinking. Then I realize that despite that, he is exactly what I want and need and tries his best to be understanding of this phobia (not many would). When he is sick, I just ask that he stay in the master suite and bath area and I move myself to the guest room and use a different bath for 3 nights (the ol' 72 hour rule). It really does make it manageable.


Good luck to you - glad to hear he's feeling better.


Marby

[tabycat]

yeah...sounds like a plan, and I was never thinking of not staying with
him because of this, it was more what have I gotten myself
into

[tabycat]

ok, we he thought he was better, and called me last night when he was going to sleep because it was 9:30 and we had spent the whole day being sick well at least that morning...and apparently he woke up at around 2:45 w/ v* and then has been waking up all morning so far w/ d*....which I mean isn't horrible but yesterday he didn't really feel sick he was just v* for about 3 hours, and today he feels sick mostly I jsut wish there was something I could do for him. He asked me to bring him some phenagran, but I'm kind of afraid to and then got of f the phone with me about 20 minutes ago, I don't know if he was going to sleep or what he sounded like he was about to v* again. I duno I'm mostly just really worried about him, and about Valentine's day...I guess we'll just have to do Valentine's next weekend instead of on Valentine's....