OT - What happened????

[sillygirl]

I'm sorry to vent here, I just don't feel like there is anyone else I can talk to about this. I couldn't sleep at all lat night, my stomach is in knots over it, and I don't know what to do.


My parents haven't been getting along for a while now. A LONG while. In my opinion, they haven't been "married" for years. They have both been discussing divorce with me separately, but the topic has never come up between the two of them. In fact, they don't even talk to each other. My mom has said that in about 2 weeks, after my dad gets back from visiting his family out of state, she is going to have "the talk" with him. I have adjusted to this. It is going to be akward for a while, but I know it is best and it frees them both up to find someone they can be happier with.


The thing that has upset me is the fact that is seems my mom already has. She told me last night that she wants me to meet him. They have been seeing each other for 8 months. They have already talked about marriage. When she first told me, I talked to her a lot about it, told her she had my support, and I thought I was okay with it because, as I said, in my mind my parents are already divorced.


However, obviously, I am not okay with it. I couldn't sleep at all last night (not good for the baby) and my stomach is just churning over the whole thing so it is hard to eat (again, not good). I can't stop thinking about it all. She was already talking about my husband and I going on vacations with her and this new guy, and it all just seemed too fast for me. She also mentioned that he has two sons, both married, each has two daughters. All of a sudden I have two step brothers and 4 nieces (going from my one sister, not married, no kids - she's only 18). We were talking about my doctor's appointment on Wednesday, because I will find out the sex of the baby. She said that since he has 4 granddaughters already, he would love to have a grandson. What is she talkign about? How is my baby this guy's grandson! I think that is what is really upsetting me. Before, I was the one making her a grandma for the first time; now all of a sudden my baby is 5th in line. Am I just being selfish?


I am an adult, so whatever my parents do really isn't my business anymore, it shouldn't affect me this bad. I know they are both going to be happier in the long run, but why do I feel so bad? I knew this would happen eventually, that they would both find someone new, but it just seems wrong somehow that is happened this fast. Especially since they haven't even split up.


Sorry for the vent. I can't talk to any of my family about this because no one else knows since they haven't even split up yet. I don't want to tlak ot my mom because I know she is really happy and she told me that it meant a lot to her that she had my support, but I just don't know how I feel anymore. Is it just pregnancy emotions taking over? If you made it through all of this, thanks for listening. I think it helped to get it out. I am trying not to start crying at my desk right now, and I'm not sure why I feel like I need to.Edited by: sillygirl

[californiagirl]

I'm sorry sorry you're going through this, especially with your baby coming[img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]


I was 15 when my parents divorced. They were the "all-american couple", they had the marriage that everyone wanted, and were married for 21 years. Going through the divorce, seeing them date other people was sooooooo hard!! My dad decided to get involved with a woman 20 years younger than him!! Turns out she was only with him for his money!! Mom never got over it and died still loving him. I know how you feel, and I empathize with you. I hope all works our amicably with them, and you're able to have a good relationship with both of them, and your baby can have two stable grandparents to grow up with. I wish you my best[img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[sillygirl]

Thanks Charlene. This year would have been 34 years for them. I always knew it would come eventually, but I guess it just finally hit me as being real. I know that right now the only person I really need to worry about is my baby and giving him or her the best life possible. I hope this gets easier soon.

[lgood22573]

I think you have the right to be upset about it. I am sure to some extent
you also have loyalties to your father and his happiness. Maybe you could
tell your mom that although you support her, this situation causes you
some stress, and the stress is just too much right now. Right now you
need to concentrate on the baby and your health and you can tell her
exactly how you felt last night. Be honest with her.

[crimgoddess]

From what I understand it's not necessarily the fact that your parents are breaking up which is causing your anxiety- but the fact that your mom is essentially cheating on your father (if they are still married it is still technically cheating) and wants to bring this person into your life full-force so quickly. I mean jeez, at least wait for the ink to dry on the divorce papers!


I completely think that the reason why you are upset is justified- it would have been a bit different if she would have met someone after everythingwas finalized, and the first you are hearing of this person is "guess what, I'm thinking of getting married again".


I think you definitely need to speak to your mom and tell her your concerns- and the fact that this person, as of right now, isn't your stepfather nor is he the grandfather to your child. Who knows, maybe with some time you will end up really liking this person, and wanting him to be a part of you and your child's life- but it's going to take time. That, and you'll want to make sure that him and your mom's relationship is stable- you dont want to become attached to someone if this is just a rebound thing.


I hope for everyone's sake that when you meet him you get a good feeling, and that eventually things work themselves out. Don't let yourself get stressed over this, because it is completely out of your hands....even parents aren't always the most rational beings.


*amber*Edited by: crimgoddess

[violet]

hey sillygirl,

Im sorry to hear about your situation at the moment..

my parents divorced when I was 17 my mother now is in a new relationship but my father is wrose for ware buts due to his own fault not the divorce!

speak with your mother and get everything out in the air your feelings towards the situation and then let it go its own way..

and yes your right time to focus on the little him/her person lol..

things will work out hun these things just take time.

xVx *hugs*

[sillygirl]

What should I tell my mom? I don't want to push her away, I don't want her to feel like I don't want her to be happy. If my dad was being blindsided with this that would be one thing, but the truth is that he has not been too faithful in the past and she told him long ago that as soon as my sister and I were out of high school (my sister graduates in May) they were through. They haven't talked about it since, but things never went back to normal, he always knew that one day it would be over. And he knows the time is coming. I might feel better if I knew he had already found someone. Maybe that's what it is, I don't know. I'm just so confused, emotional, tired, hormonal, scared and surprised. I have suspected there was someone for a while, but the confirmation really hit me hard.

[crimgoddess]

Tell her exactly what you wrote here. That you want her to be happy and don't want to push her away- but you need time to accept this new relationship. That isn't unreasonable, especially due to the fact that she just sprung this information on you, and you are still adjusting to your changing body.


She should know your concerns- and so should your father, so you probably should sit down with him as well. It may be rough for a little while, but eventually they'll sort themselves out.


Good luck with everything!


*amber*